Sometimes You Just Gotta Say Huh?
by blueangel3136
Summary: Like a magnet, she was drawn to him. She was ridiculed, taunted, and tormented for her connection to him. But Higurashi Kagome cannot ignore the love she feels for her best friend, her ex boyfriend, and first love.
1. Chapter 1

Sometimes You Just Gotta Say...HUH!

Chapter One

A/N:

Okay, this story is freshly written with probably enough typos to make my beta reader's hair curl. sweatdrop It's based on an incident between my ex-boyfriend/best guy friend. Many things are still as they were in real life, but I've changed some of his attitude to fit Sesshoumaru, and some of the details are different. Kagome has not been changed from me. At all. The background story, is true. Whatever feelings it says Kagome still has, are true. Therefore, this is somewhat like a journal for me. I way to vent about my situation with my ex, without having to deal with the ridicule my "friends" put me through when I mention him.

Oh, and the chaps may be far between because of the length I've set in this one. sweatdrop Gomen!

He walked alone in the rain, his clothes and skin soaked nearly down to the bone. The day was much colder than the others had been lately, the rain almost feeling like droplets of ice instead of water. His long silver hair was free from its usual low ponytail, clinging to his lithe form like it was glued there. Normally, he would simply smirk and say that he was quite warm, causing many to give him astonished looks.

But today, he tried to fight the shivering that still made his shoulders shudder.

He walked slowly, narrowing his honey golden eyes when the wind began to blow harder. Of course, the one day he'd remembered his lighter and cigarette the weather decided to change within a matter of minutes. It always seemed like his luck was against him, trying to mess with him enough to make him give up or become aggravated. But unfortunately for his less than helpful luck, Sesshoumaru was quite stubborn.

But there was one who could easily best him in levels of stubbornness.

He smirked lightly as he continued walking up the slowing sloping hill, the rain coming down on him in torrents. The one person who could possibly be competition when it came to stubbornness, and he was walking in the rain for said person. Normally, he would have quirked and eyebrow and said something along the lines of "Fuck you and have a nice day."

But for some reason when it came to her, everything he knew about himself changed.

Yes, it was a female who seemed to make him bend over backwards and twist to the right a few times. She could easily be a contender in a battle of wills, and get him to do the things most people could never imagine him doing. To everyone else he was the rebellious, icy, and dangerous youth who was at the end of the line and so close to ending up in a juvenile facility it was just plain luck keeping him out. But around her, he laughed, joked, and became a person he'd thought he could never become.

"Oi! You gonna stand around all day or are you gonna tune my guitar!" He hadn't realized he was standing outside her house now, barely noticing that her family was not there, and he smirked slightly to see her dressed in her usual black pants and worn out, way too big, sweatshirt. She leaned over the railing of her porch, the small roof overhead just barely blocking the rain. Her hair, which he assumed she'd wrapped in a towel so that it dried, was billowing around her in an onyx cape with her long unruly bangs dancing in front of her sapphire eyes.

He always wondered what she'd look like dressed up and actually looking more like a girl.

"Calm down Kagome, I'm coming." He chuckled quietly as he reached the bottom of the steep stairs leading to the front door of her house, keeping in mind to watch out for the third stair from the top.

He knew her residence too well in some ways, like how the bathroom in the main hall always felt like a sauna in the morning due to the oddly set up heating system. In the last few years he'd been here many times, especially since he discovered that not only did the girl intrigue him with her mannerisms, but with her talents as well. She could sing, play guitar, draw, and even write. Yet, she was not mediocre at a single one of them. But she was modest, very modest, and overly shy. These things he had learned right away about her.

He finally reached the top of the steep stairs and gladly rushed inside the house, sighing at the warmth coming from the fireplace just inside the doorway. She was already coming back out of her bedroom with some extra clothes she'd convinced him to leave there, and he wanted to smile when she simply thrust them into his arms before turning and walking into the kitchen. Most likely to make something warm for him to eat or drink. He actually did smile once he'd walked around the corner and into the bathroom. Once again, the room was like a sauna and he guessed she must have turned on the heat before lighting the fire.

"Sesshoumaru! Hurry up before I eat all of this!" He shook his head and quickly replaced sopping clothes with the dry ones, yanking on his extra sweatshirt last as he walked back out into the main part of the house and depositing the wet clothes on the laundry pile on the way into the kitchen.

"Kagome, you're going to get fat should you keep eating so much." At this, the girl snorted and stuffed another bagel pizza into her mouth.

"I'm already fat Sesshou. Besides, there's no point cause no one wants to be with a tomboy." He narrowed his eyes at her slightly, leaning against the fridge as he too popped a bagel pizza into his mouth.

"How many times must I say this? You are not overweight and there are many who would wish to have your build."

"Oh no, not this argument again..."

"Kagome." She "eeped" slightly at the stern tone in his voice, not used to hearing such a thing from him, and then looked up at him through her messy bangs.

He was staring down at her intently, so intently that she could feel goose bumps rising across her skin. She had always held something more than friendship for the young man before her, not really knowing why or how it happened. He captivated her in everything he did, even in the simplest of things. His anger, his love, his passion, his humor, and his sadness were all things that made it so she couldn't force herself to look away. But even the little things attracted her to him like a moth to the flame. She could watch him ages, never looking away even if she was bored. She was her own personal addiction, the dirty little secret she dared not tell her other friends about. Yes, she kept her feelings for him very close. Only one other knew of her feelings, and that was only because she'd finally broken down.

Even though he probably knew anyways. After all, you begin to understand a person much better once you've dated them.

But not only was she keeping the secret of her true feelings locked away, she was trying to live up to her family's expectations. Trying to be something she wasn't, and being happy for everyone but herself. She couldn't remember the last time she did something for herself apart from drawing, writing, or singing. It almost seemed impossible to fathom.

But around him, she was suddenly free. Again.

"Are we going to argue about this again?" His voice was softer, more controlled than a few moments ago. But Kagome noticed he was still slightly peeved at her starting the argument again. It was one of many small arguments they had on a nearly daily basis. But they were arguments they would both look back on and laugh about.

"I don't know. Besides, aren't you supposed to be tuning my guitar for me?" Sesshoumaru sighed a nod, not really wanting to argue with her.

Even if he really did want to change her mind.

They both walked back to the hall and into her room, causing her to frown slightly when she was once again hit with just how small it was. Once Sesshoumaru had flopped into her desk chair and grabbed her guitar, she realized she had to get to the other side of the room, which was a whole new argument waiting to happen. But she sighed and simply jumped up onto her bed before walking over it and then jumping off as she reached the edge, not knowing Sesshoumaru was watching her from the corner of his eye.

She really was more graceful than she knew. Sure, she was a clumsy little fool like no other and tripped over her own two feet, but she was graceful nonetheless. She had long, athletic legs from her days when she still ran track and decent curves hidden by baggy clothes. Sesshoumaru shook his head lightly, grabbing her electric tuner he still had yet to teach her to use and hooking it up to the guitar before reaching up and removing a pick from where she'd stuck it on her computer monitor.

"My mom and bro won't be home for awhile so you can mess around as much as you want." Sesshoumaru nodded, resisting the urge to look over his shoulder as she spoke, and yet somehow knowing he shouldn't. "Don't look back here, I'm changing my shirt."

'Strange, she's always so modest about such things.'

'Weird, I'm not freaking out about showing skin around him suddenly. Huh, go figure.' She finally pulled off her long sleeved shirt that was still wet and grabbed another shirt, this one short sleeved and black with pink writing that said "Scream If You Wanna Go Faster". After pulling it over her head, she reached for her extra hoodie that was hanging on her dresser and yanked it on as well, finding that the heat was already bleeding from her body.

"You're G string is off." The statement caused Kagome to choke on air, her slightly twisted mind totally manipulating what he'd said. But she knew this, and her face still glowed a vibrant red.

"Huh, Souta must have been messing with it again." She let a nervous giggle, inwardly cursing herself for sounding like some stupid girly girl. Honestly, it really ticked her off just how much one guy could mess with her without even meaning to.

"He must have. It's even worse than the first time I tuned it." Kagome blinked as she looked over her shoulder, seeing his eyes intently fixed on his work.

"That bad huh? I think I'm gonna start locking my door again." He nodded quietly, lightly tuning the guitar so that she could barely hear the note. But suddenly he seemed satisfied with a smirk and disconnected the tuner before hooking up the aqua blue guitar to its amp and immediately hitting a huge chord as soon as he'd switched the amp on.

Kagome frowned at this. She could barely play guitar and he knew it ticked her off that she was learning slow. So every time he tuned the guitar he _always _had to sit there and rub it in that he kicked every available ass at playing. She knew he did it just to rub her the wrong way, and even so, she still got miffed when he did it. She turned away from him with a snort and began looking for her pencil and sketchbook.

But something else caught her eye.

It was a cardboard tube she used to hold her larger drawings in since her mom hadn't gotten around to getting her a portfolio. In that moment Kagome felt an evil grin make its way across her features, already knowing what she was going to do as she reached for the tube.

"Kagome, you're being quiet and that often doesn't bode well." Kagome snorted as she picked up the tube and flopped onto her bed, taking up her discarded strawberry soda from her night stand as she did so.

"I'm not being quiet, I was taking a drink from my soda."

"Uh huh, and I'm God." Kagome, who had been half sipping her soda, nearly spit out said soda when he said this. After all, anyone with a brainstem knew that Sesshoumaru Taisho was far from religious. "Nice, now you're spitting drinks everywhere. New trick I presume?"

Finally Kagome let her arm fly and the hard, cardboard tube connected with his arm. Silence was thick in the room, even the slight echo from the guitar's amp was quiet, and Kagome nearly smiled when she received a raised eyebrow coming from over Sesshoumaru's shoulder. But had she'd been smiling, she would have faded into a frown as he simply turned and began to play on the guitar once more, thinking to himself with an inward smirk.

'Three...two...one...' He wanted to visibly smirk when he felt the tube connect with his arm again, this time quite a bit harder.

"Kagome, are we really going to do this?" He turned and raised an eyebrow at her, noticing her grip tightened on the tube as she reached for her soda once more.

"I don't know. Are we?" She took a sip from her soda as she swung and hit him in the shoulder hard enough to make it sting, and in a split second he was grabbing for the tube and setting her guitar gently against the desk, making her eyes go wide as she quickly put the soda down so she wouldn't spill it on the white carpet.

Which was a huge mistake since the only thing holding him back from a full assault was the soda.

"ACK!" Kagome squealed loudly as he leapt at her and grabbed the tube in her hand, attempting to take it for himself to get his revenge. She should have expected as much. After all, this was strangely an everyday thing for the two of them. "Sesshoumaru no!"

They both had a hold on the tube, good holds too. But both were unrelenting even as Sesshoumaru pushed her back so that she fell onto her bed flat on her back. She didn't release an inch, but instead tightened her grip as she yanked on the tube and pulled him down closer to her so that their faces were only a foot apart now. Luckily he couldn't read minds, for if he could he would discover her mind most definitely not on the tube clasped in her hands

'Okay...note to self...best friend has a nice ass when he leans over this way...ACK! Bad Kagome!' She squealed loudly from her thoughts, and thanked anyone watching from above that Sesshoumaru decided to yank her back up to a standing position at the same time, smirking widely at her flushed face.

"Kagome, is there a reason you're blushing?" This only served to deepen said blush as she frantically shook her head.

"No! You're just a lot stronger than I am so naturally I have to work harder!" The statement sounded lame even to here ears.

"Hn." He tugged on the tube again, nearly making her trip over a pair of her discarded shoes.

Sesshoumaru was starting to get slightly irritated. Usually by now he would have gotten some form of revenge instead of fighting over the weapon of choice. A cardboard tube he remembered to be storage for her drawings.

That's when it hit him.

'She said her mother had bought another tube for her poster drawings recently...' He began to glance around, not wanting to give her the idea he was searching for the much larger weapon. But when he found it, she knew something was amiss because he took one hand off the tube and reached into the corner of her room she used to store her artistic supplies

'What on Earth is he...Oh no!' She saw the large white tube come from behind her chair and knew immediately Sesshoumaru was out for revenge.

"ACK! No Sesshoumaru! I barely even hit you!" But either Sesshoumaru wasn't listening or he really wanted his revenge because he tugged on the smaller tube, bringing her about a foot closer, before taking the white tube and smacking her upper right thigh with enough force to make her yelp, causing his smirk to become a grin. Then his mirth leapt as she suddenly dropped the smaller tube and took off at a run out into the hallway and towards the living room where her brother's toys were sprawled everywhere.

'Damn it, where's that stupid...Yes!' She spotted her quarry and sprinted over to it, grinning when she grasped the new Star Wars light saber in her hand and flicking her wrist so it extended to it's full length. She stood still as Sesshoumaru came out into the hallway with his grin still in place, feeling like a battle ready warrior as she took up the toy and pressed the little red button, causing sound effects to come from the "hilt". The whole thing nearly made her laugh. Nearly.

"Kagome, you're not going to win." She snorted, tilting her chin up a little higher.

"Yeah? Says who?"

"Says me as I repeatedly smack your leg." He ran at her and she realized there was no way she'd avoiding getting hit. So, in a blur of blind instinct she struck at his leg again, effectively causing a loud "smack" to ring out in the empty house. But she quite surprised when she tried to pull away and found that to be impossible since her weapon was grasped tightly in Sesshoumaru's hand.

'Crap and a half...' She squealed as the white tube came in contact with her upper thigh several times, earning a rather victorious sounding chuckle make its way from Sesshoumaru's mouth. For a moment, she paused. Kagome was closer to him than most, but even still it shocked her when he laughed. It was so becoming of him, like his smile, and she personally thought he should do it more.

"Ready to surrender?" Kagome blinked out her reverie and snorted as she yanked on the toy sword in her hand hard enough to free it. Then, she gave him her answer as she smacked him once more in the leg.

"Hardly! Take this Fluffy!" She smacked him in the shoulder this time, only sparing a second to inwardly giggle about his nickname. She honestly had no idea why she'd started calling him that in the first place. He winced this time, and she knew she'd hit the same spot once more, effectively making it sting.

"That's it." Kagome "eeped" as he lunged at her before she turned and took off around the corner into the kitchen, Sesshoumaru hot on her heels.

So, not having any brighter ideas, she ran around in circles with him behind her, going through the living room, into the kitchen, and then back out into the living room again. Then, she suddenly realized Sesshoumaru was no longer behind her as she heard a familiar door slam, making her turn towards the hall with her eyes ablaze.

"Sesshoumaru Taisho get your sorry ass out of my room now!" She charged down the hall before reaching her door and turning the knob as she slammed into it, knowing well that he was already holding it shut with his lean, yet nicely muscled body. Inwardly she cursed herself.

'Yet again, now is not the time to be thinking about how hot your best friend is! Bad Kags!' Had she'd had a free hand, she would've smacked her forehead for good measure.

"You're not getting in Kagome!"

"Urasai na baka! You're the one locking ME out of MY bedroom!" She slammed into the door again, visibly wincing when it started to make loud cracking noises.

'Shit, mama'll kill me if I break the door! And gramps might just kill me for letting him in the house!'

Suddenly, she felt the door open and she shoved her toy saber into the three inch opening, grinning when the tip met Sesshoumaru's side. But the door was once more slammed in her face as he shoved the saber back out into the hall with her.

"Damn it Sesshoumaru! Let me...Ha!" He opened the door again and she repeated her previous action, narrowly missing his temple. But she didn't get another chance as Sesshoumaru once again slammed the door.

"You know, I could simply lock this door and I'd be able to go through every on of your secrets." Kagome visibly paled out in the darkened hall.

"You wouldn't dare!" Her answer was the click of the lock.

Kagome froze, seemingly terrified as she heard several drawers opening. Luckily for her, Sesshoumaru liked to tease her more than anything and the drawers opening and closing were simply him messing with her desk. Kagome, throwing all fear of her mother into the wind, began to ram the door with her lithe frame. At the same time screaming every curse she knew and in every language she knew.

'Stupid rotten sonofabitch! I've been his best friend since he moved here and this is how he repays me! Oh, just wait! I'll find a way to unlock this door and...wait...lock...key!' Kagome grinned as she thrust her saber off to the side and ran back out into the kitchen. She immediately threw open the small drawer at the end of the counter that was known as the "Junk Drawer" and pulled out one of the smallest screwdrivers in the house.

In that moment, she thanked every entity alive that she didn't have a typical key-lock.

She sprinted back down the hall, trying with much difficulty not to laugh maniacally as she stopped in front of her door and inserted the screwdriver tip into the hole known as her lock. Sesshoumaru stopped playing with the pick in his hand abruptly, not at all liking the metallic scratching noises coming from the door handle.

"Kagome, what the hell are you doing?" He swore he could see her grin.

"You'll see!" Not liking the tone in her voice, Sesshoumaru got closer to the door in case she somehow managed to unlock it. Suddenly, a victorious yell rang out in the hall and Sesshoumaru flung himself at the door just as it began to open.

"Ha! How do you like them...OOF!" Kagome felt the air come rushing out of her as Sesshoumaru flung his full body weight at the door and slammed it shut once more, sending her onto her rear in the middle of the hall. For a moment, she just sat there stunned as Sesshoumaru's hearty laughter echoed from within HER bedroom. Then, she growled as she lifted her right leg and then proceed to slam her foot flat against the door with a shout.

"Stupid fucking jackass!" At this, Sesshoumaru laughed even harder. But Kagome found that for the first time, she didn't care. She sat there and glared fire, daggers, and whatever else came to mind at the door for awhile. But finally, she realized she was fighting a losing battle and she groaned as she turned around and simply leaned against her bedroom door.

"Kagome?" She snorted.

"Shut up already, would ya?" Sesshoumaru was slightly surprised at her quiet tone, knowing he'd angered her. But that tone told him she was more upset that usual.

Which was right.

As she sat there, leaning against her door, Kagome thought the thoughts that had been plaguing her for some time now. Sesshoumaru was her best friend, having been more than that once when he'd first moved into the area. But that didn't last long and it was far from peaceful. At every turn someone was telling her something new about him. About how he was cheating on her as they spoke, or how he would tell anyone would listen that she was just a "challenge". But she trusted him and brushed it off.

Unfortunately for Kagome, trust was one sided.

She began to hear that others were now going to Sesshoumaru, telling him that it was HER that was cheating and lying. That she was nothing but a little slut that was trying to make sure he didn't get anywhere in his new school. But naive she was, for she still didn't worry.

Although, a seed of doubt was deeply planted within her heart.

That doubt began to grow, slivering out like the vines her mother hung in the dinning room. She began to hear more and more hurtful things that had her crying so hard when she was by herself that she almost thought she could never cry anymore. They began to argue, scream at the top of their lungs until their voices were nearly gone and their throats were raw. Sometimes her hair-trigger anger would take over and she'd actually hit him before trying to walk away, only to be pulled back in a rough embrace more than often.

The day that he didn't pull her back into his arms was the day everything went to hell.

The next day was numb to Kagome. She went to school in what she'd worn the previous day, not having slept or ate since the fight. A deep foreboding kept her appetite at bay and she only spoke when she was spoken to about class or by a teacher. By late morning, it began to rain. Torrents of water cascaded from the skies and by the time lunch came around, it mixed with Kagome's tears as she stood out on the nearly empty basketball courts.

He'd left her.

She'd stood out in the rain until every inch of her was drenched to the bone, her body shaking uncontrollably from the lack of heat. But she still didn't move. She didn't even blink as someone shouted her name from across the courts. Only when she felt a gloved hand on her shoulder did she move. She turned to see the two people who were closest to her. Suddenly, it all came rushing at her in a whirlwind of emotion and she'd collapsed to her knees in heart wrenching sobs. The other two girls leaned over and helped her up before leading her into the bathrooms, which were strangely empty.

After that day, something inside her changed.

Before he'd came, she wore bright colors and laughed just as brightly. She'd listened to rap and bouncy music that had a lively feel to it. She actually tried to look nice, even though she knew it was in vain. But by the next week, she'd become a different person. She'd worn solid black, her clothes worn and looking as though she'd run them through a blender. Her long onyx hair was up in a messy bun, not having been brushed at all. Her face was pale and tired looking, appearing so much older than it had looked only days before. Her friends tried everything to cheer her up, but nothing seemed to work.

But finally, something seemed to click and she began to laugh again, not as brightly, but she laughed. Her clothes stayed dark, occasional splashes of color thrown in, but she wore much nicer clothes. She cut her hair and dyed it several times, and the rosy complection she was known for returned. But the pain was still there, cleverly hidden behind a smile and laugh so that her friends and family would no longer worry. She kept it all inside everyday, only releasing it once she was alone in her room.

She didn't want any of them to worry, she didn't want to see their pity filled expressions, and she didn't want to care anymore. And for awhile, she didn't.

Both of them moved on, Sesshoumaru finding another girlfriend only days after their break up. She would hear about him sometimes, but she forced herself to remain neutral when it came to him. She began seeing her childhood friend Hojo, who ended up being too sweet for her to deal with and too far from what she knew. After splitting up with him, she realized that for some odd reason, she'd always compare her next boyfriend to Sesshoumaru. But with that realization came another...

She still cared for the jerk. And the day she started high school was a bittersweet moment.

She'd be leaving him behind, and she'd be bringing her feelings with her. And he would never know.

Surprisingly, they somehow ended up back together for a few weeks. But nothing came of it and Kagome was once again trying to hold everything in. She did almost flawlessly now, hiding behind the mask of the notorious prankster tomboy who's aggressive nature held all males at bay. Over time, they began to talk more and more. Not about old times, but of their two separate lives.

They became friends once more, and that seemed to be enough for her. At the time.

Now, over a year later, she sat there in the hallway of her own home, listening to his breaths coming from the other side of the door as she lowered her head with a rueful smile.

'Damn it, no matter how hard I fucking try, I still care about the jackass. I guess I really am hopeless.'

"Kagome? You're being quiet and it's quite unnerving." She snorted, shoving her thoughts and darker emotions back into the crevice from where they came.

"You know, it would really suck if you opened the door right now. I mean, I' d probably land on my...ACK!" The door swung open and Kagome found herself flat on the ground with a smirking Sesshoumaru standing over her in her doorway. The look he was giving her was enough to make her glare up at him as she crossed her arms and lay there. "Jerk."

"No, you're just a little stupid." She snorted as she walked over next to her knees and bent over, offering his hand to help her up. At first she was stubborn about it, but she sighed heavily before simply flinging her hand into his and letting him yank her up. Actually, he yanked so hard that she nearly toppled over as he helped steady her. Which sent her anger flaring once more as she swung and smacked him on the side of the head.

"You're a jackass Fluffy." She turned to walk out into the living room, but she squealed as he suddenly yanked on her sweatshirt and caused her to turn around before simply flopping back onto the ground. Sesshoumaru, being a young man of opportunity, simply flopped down onto her and pinned her arms to the ground at her wrists, making her eyes widen.

'Oh bloody hell...' Sesshoumaru smirked down at her, either not noticing her nervousness to the fact that he was straddling her or just knowing and getting a rush of satisfaction from it. The thought made her frown up at him through her messy bangs.

'Hmph, it's probably the latter. Asshole's always loved to make me nervous.'

"Are you going to surrender now?" Kagome snorted up at him.

"No." Sesshoumaru nodded, knowing she'd probably never surrender.

"Well, are you going to hit me?" Kagome glared.

"Depends. Are you willing to take a risk?" Sesshoumaru smirked before he abruptly stood and brought her up with him by her arms.

"Do you have to ask?" Kagome glared at him once more, waiting slightly patiently for him to release her wrists. But when he did so, shock became vibrant on his face as she simply smacked him upside the head before turning and running out into the living room, cackling like mad all the way.

And of course, he took this as a challenge and chased after her before simply causing her to trip and become sprawled on the floor as he quickly caught up with her.

"You jerk! I almost my head on the coffee table! You could've really...ACK!" For the second time Kagome's face flushed red as Sesshoumaru pinned her wrists to the floor and straddled her, his victorious grin adding her ire over her nervousness. "Why you stupid mother fucking sonofa..."

"Kagome, I can stay here all day." Kagome froze in mid shout, her head inclined a few inches off the ground as disbelief washed across her face.

"You wouldn't..."

"Try me." In that moment, Kagome knew he wasn't lying and she allowed her head to drop back onto the floor. Only then did she notice how much weight was on her stomach.

"Holy shit Fluffy, how much weight have you gained? I can barely breathe!" Sesshoumaru snorted lightly, sitting up more and putting most of his weight on his knees instead of her. Hey, you'd be breathless too if your ex was sitting smugly on your gut. "Keh, thanks for nothing. I'm still pinned."

"And you will remain so until you give in." Kagome snorted and looked away from him, immediately feeling nervousness creep into her as she began to move her feet since they were the only part of her body she really could move. Suddenly, something seemed to click and she looked back up at Sesshoumaru with a smirk, causing him to raise an eyebrow. "Kagome, I don't like that..."

"Take this!" Somehow, using every bit of flexibility she had, Kagome brought her right foot up and felt it connect with the back of Sesshoumaru's head, feeling the overwhelming glow of smugness fill her as shock clearly registered on his face. By the time her foot hit the ground again, Sesshoumaru was simply shaking his head with a light chuckle.

"Well that was unexpected. But it is also easily solved." Kagome gasped loudly with an inward swear as Sesshoumaru pinned her legs with his lower legs, his strong muscles not giving any sort of escape route.

Now she was completely pinned.

"Sesshou!" Sessshoumaru wanted to smile when she whined, but he only smirked instead and leaned down so that their faces were only a foot apart.

"Ready to give up?"

"No!" Kagome growled and looked away from him, noticing the slight flicker from his silver necklace in the dying sunlight coming from the large window to her left. Silence reigned heavy for a few minutes and finally she couldn't take it anymore as she whined again and began to feebly try to move her right wrist, which was beginning to ache. "Can you lessen up on my tiny wrists? They hurt like a bitch."

Lessen up he did, and he lessened up so much that Kagome was able to free one hand and simply brush a piece of hair from in front of her nose, shocking the male who was still straddling her.

"Kagome, you could've fought back you know." Kagome shrugged as she rotated her freed hand in an effort to get rid of some of the stiffness.

"Then I'd simply get pinned again. It would be a waist of energy." Sesshoumaru smirked at down at her, and she seemed to notice because she looked back up at him. "You know, you have a really weird looking nose."

Sesshoumaru quirked an eyebrow at her, effectively making her laugh from his bewildered look. Then, she grinned brightly and wiggled slightly beneath him.

"Don'tcha love me!"

"Yes." Kagome froze with wide eyes, looking up at her "captor" with almost doe-like eyes. But she came to her senses and snorted as she suddenly frowned up at him.

"Shut up and quit lying Fluffy." Sesshoumaru chuckled lightly and leaned down a little further.

"If I didn't love you, you wouldn't get away with all the crap you pull around me." Kagome blinked, noticing how serious his voice had suddenly turned. But she once again shook it off as a deceitful blush stole over her cheeks and she used her free hand to pull the front of her sweatshirt over her face.

"Hmph, whatever." Sesshoumaru laughed quietly. But his laughter didn't last long as he felt his legs beginning to ache from all the weight he was pressing on them and seeing as Kagome was incapable of movement, she became his pillow as he leaned down and placed his head on her shoulder, basically laying on top of her and earning a slightly defeated sounding sigh from Kagome. "Are you quite comfortable?"

"Oi, I'm being the nice guy and not putting my full weight on you. It's tiring." She snorted.

"You? Be nice to me? Ha, that's a laugh." Sesshoumaru sat up a little, looking down at where her face should have been if it wasn't hidden within her sweatshirt.

"I'm nice to you. I let you mess around with me all the time." Yet again, she snorted. But this time she moved slightly beneath him as a spot in her back became stiff.

"Yeah, and then you get your revenge by tickling me." Sesshoumaru, feeling suddenly quite evil, used his own free hand and brought it to her side before wiggling his fingers slightly, earning a loud, yet muffled, yelp from Kagome as she tried to fend off his hand with her own.

"That's cheating!"

"Oh, I believe it's perfectly fair."

"Jackass!" He tickled her again, enough a loud squeal in return. By now, Kagome was getting desperate. So, she blindly struck where she could feel his leg against her hip and she was quiet satisfied to hear a loud smack when her hand came in contact with a thigh.

"Ow damn it! That hurt!" Suddenly, Kagome felt his remaining hand leave her wrist. But both hands were quickly pinned down with his knees instead.

Now this position would be hard for anyone to explain, and she was pretty sure he'd simply done it on a whim. But his hands were free nonetheless and he could now freely tickle her.

Or other things knowing the type of male Sesshoumaru was.

He immediately began to tickle her, making her yelp and squeal loudly as she squirmed fitfully beneath him. Quite a few times she came close to freeing herself form under his knees but he'd adjust his weight enough to prevent it. Finally, he let go of her sides and pinned her wrists with his hands again and then allowing Kagome to get the oxygen she needed.

"That...was so cheating Fluffy..." Sesshoumaru snorted as he laid back down again, placing his head on top her her right shoulder.

"It was perfectly fair Kagome. Consider this revenge for the times you've hit me and such and I didn't fight back." Kagome snorted.

"Yeah whatever. It's still unfair, and now to add onto to that, you're crushing what little boobs I have jerk." Sesshoumaru sighed, not wanting to have to argue over this one more time, but still feeling that he was supposed to make her believe what he said on this matter.

"Kagome you do not have small boobs." She snorted and somehow brought her head out of her sweatshirt finally, making him sit up slightly as she glared at him.

"Yeah I do, and speaking of my boobs, you've grabbed them way too many times Fluffy." Sesshoumaru shrugged. This was true, he'd taken it upon himself to fondle her many times.

"Yes, and that's one of the reasons I know you don't have small boobs. Besides, smaller ones are actually better in my opinion."

"Oh God, don't start sing the 'Itty Bitty Tities' song again." Sesshoumaru shrugged again, noticing she was now looking away from him again pointedly.

"I'm simply trying to prove you don't have small boobs."

"Well I do have small boobs so drop it." Sesshoumaru, feeling slightly frustrated, narrowed his eyes slightly and chuckled loud enough to make her look at him again quizzically.

"Kagome, if I can hold one of your boobs in each hand and actually fill my hand, you have big boobs." Kagome glared at him more as she snorted.

"How many times do I have to say it? I don't have..."

"I'll prove to you right here and now that you don't have small boobs." Kagome froze, blinked once, and then leveled him with a fierce glare, which he pointedly ignored.

"You wouldn't dare." Her answer came as Sesshoumaru released her wrists and firmly placed his hands on her chest so fast she could barely get in a gasp before he was talking again.

"See? Each one fills up one of my hands, and therefore..."

"Let go of my chest Sesshoumaru!" She slapped his thigh again, causing his hands to come off her chest. Then, she glared up at him as she crossed her arms over her chest protectively. "Stupid fucking lecher."

"I'm not a lecher. I'm just trying to prove a point."

"With your hands!"

"Yes in fact, I was." Kagome found herself yelping as his hands found their way beneath her arms and firmly groped her once more. She frantically pulled his hands away not once, not twice, or even three times. But instead fended him off four times before finally giving up and hiding her blushing, nervous face within her sweatshirt again, causing him to chuckle as he kept his hands firmly planted on her chest. "Having fun?"

"Who me? Hell no! But you, stupid perve, are probably having a good ol' time with this!"

"Yeah, pretty much." She snorted.

"Bastard." Sesshoumaru chuckled as she smacked his thigh again and he was forced to release his hold her chest to pin her hands again before simply flopping back down so his face was now flat against her right breast. That's when a rather devilish plan came to mind.

"You know, I just had an idea. Although, I don't know whether I should do it or even tell you." Kagome squirmed slightly.

"Don't say another word Sesshoumaru." He chuckled, and Kagome felt her skin erupt in goose bumps when she felt his breath tickle the shell of her ear that was still sticking out of her sweatshirt.

"Kagome..." Kagome, feeling slightly frustrated, suddenly remember his necklace that was hanging out of his red sweatshirt and she used her free hand to grasp it tightly before somehow freeing her head from her sweatshirt and yanking him down so he was face to face with her.

"If you're so tired, then let me up." Sesshoumaru smirked.

"No." Rebellious thoughts swelled in her mind and before she could even bother to think, Kagome smashed her forehead against his in a headbutt. But poor Kagome, who had thought she was already pinned enough, suddenly found her free arm pinned back down and added to that, Sesshoumaru now had her head pinned to the ground by pressing his forehead against hers.

"Damn you Sesshoumaru." Sesshoumaru smirked, and he was so close she could feel the muscles in his face working to make him do so. That thought once again cause goose bumps to erupt on her skin.

'He's gonna kill me. He really is. He slowly doing so right now!'

"Hey, you're the one who headbutted me." Kagome snorted yet again with a sigh.

"You're the one who was me pinned." He chuckled and she once again felt his warm breath across her skin.

'Yup, he's gonna kill me.'

"I'm just lucky you haven't decided to have your way with me." She could see him raise his eyebrow, feel his muscles move, and she grinned up at him once more with a giggle. "Don'tcha love me?"

"Yes."

"Shut up. I'm just slightly more special." Sesshoumaru sat up a little, so he could see her face better and replied.

"Not true."

"Uh huh." Suddenly, his idea came back and a slightly evil smirk appeared on his features, making Kagome blink wearily. "Sesshoumaru, I really don't like that..."

But Kagome was silence as Sesshoumaru suddenly leaned towards her and closed his eyes, that being the only kind of warning she had before his lips collided with hers and her already wide eyes doubled in size. Her entire body seemed to freeze in time as she felt his warm lips against hers in a seemingly innocent, chaste, and spur of the moment kiss.

And yet for some reason it still took her breath away. But it wasn't because she was highly inexperienced, it was all because of the one doing this to her.

'Sesshoumaru...'

Suddenly, he slowly pulled back and she suddenly drew in the breath she needed, shock still keeping her frozen on the floor. Sesshoumaru smiled down at her, not his usual smirk or grin, but actually smiled and it took her some time to find words.

And even then they sounded...pathetic.

"If that wasn't cheating then I don't know that is."

"It was all completely fair." He leaned towards her once more, and suddenly two very different ideas shot up in her mind as time seemed to slow.

'Ack! He's doing it again! Should I actually go along with it! No! Bad Kagome! You're supposed to be getting over his sorry ass! Not kissing him!'

For some reason her thoughts seemed to focus on what had been bothering her for the last few months. The fact that she was desperately trying to get over her feelings about him. So as his lips came in contact with hers once more, she pursed them shut. But surprisingly began to inwardly curse herself.

'Damn it! I just made one of the biggest mistakes of my entire...huh?' He pulled away much quicker this time, a strange look in his eyes as he sat up. He continued to keep her wrists pinned, but he simply looked down at her as she breathed in a strangely heavy fashion.

"Uh..." It was the only thing she could do, and she was rather shocked when he smiled again.

"Do you want up now?" Kagome nodded quickly, and she was beyond shocked when he simply stood and offered his hand to help her up. Taking his hand, she didn't expect him to pull her up so quickly and had to hand onto him for support as her legs tried to catch up with her. Finally she stood as he back up a few steps and flopped into a small recliner her younger brother used, looking very out of place against the pinkish material.

Suddenly, she forced her anger back up to hide her obvious confusion, and she snorted as she stretched her left arm lazily.

"You know, I could get my revenge right now and simply straddle you so you can't move from that chair." She knew he didn't believe her, and yet still angered her when he said it.

"You wouldn't do that." But Kagome was a girl of impulse and her impulse at that moment made her walk over, stand before him, and then lean over and push back on his shoulders with a smirk.

"Care to try me?" Sesshoumaru raised and eyebrow, but she simply stood up again and lightly smacked him on the side of the head. What she didn't expect to happen though was that he pulled her back onto his lap with the help of her sweatshirt, completely shocking her once more.

'Is he doing this to mess with me? Or to kill me? Cause he's doing both.' She pouted at him childishly before sighing and laying her head on his shoulder, forcing herself not to bite him since her face was so temptingly close to his neck.

"You're such an ass, do you now that? You really are an ass Sesshoumaru."

"Yeah, don'tcha love me?" Outwardly, Kagome snorted and got out of his lap before sitting on the floor next to the chair and leaning her head on his hip, but inside she was actually answering him.

'Yes, I do.'

She winced though when her left shoulder suddenly erupted in pain, protesting the time it spent flushed to the hard floor, which she was sure was an hour at least. But she was shocked when she felt a hand slowly move its way across her shoulder before gently beginning to rub gently.

In that moment, she closed her eyes and gave into him. One of the very few times she'd ever done so. For a few more minutes they idly chatted in the quiet of the house, their voices strangely quiet as well. At one point she smiled, as well as Sesshoumaru. But on the inside, she was crying so hard it hurt to breathe.

For she knew this was a fleeting glimpse of what she could never have. Sesshoumaru didn't care for her that way anymore, she knew he didn't. But she also knew he didn't like girls who were inexperienced, and she was more inexperienced than anyone she knew. Even friends she had that were two years younger than her. In that moment, she wanted to let go and cry right there in front of him, but she simply kept smiling as she talked quietly with him. Her closest friend.

And she guessed that she was content enough for the moment.


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes You Just Gotta Say "HUH!"

Chapter Two

A/N:

This is where I deviate from real life events. Some will still be thrown in, but in a different order than they originally were. Mind you, the issues with my ex and I still have not been resolved and probably never will be. But for now, I'll use the small moments we share for inspiration. From here on out, this story is mostly fictional. If you want to know about what parts are real or not, send me an e-mail. I'll be glad to e-mail ya back.

_But Kagome was silent as Sesshoumaru suddenly leaned towards her and closed his eyes, that being the only kind of warning she had before his lips collided with hers and her already wide eyes doubled in size. Her entire body seemed to freeze in time as she felt his warm lips against hers in a seemingly innocent, chaste, and spur of the moment kiss._

_And yet for some reason it still took her breath away. But it wasn't because she was highly inexperienced, it was all because of the one doing this to her._

_'Sesshoumaru...' _

_Suddenly, he slowly pulled back and she suddenly drew in the breath she needed, shock still keeping her frozen on the floor. Sesshoumaru smiled down at her, not his usual smirk or grin, but actually smiled and it took her some time to find words. _

_And even then they sounded...pathetic._

_"If that wasn't cheating then I don't know that is."_

The world was quiet as she lay there numbly in the cold and the dark. She didn't even blink as she lay still, her mind going at a hundred miles per hour while her body stood still in time. Memories of two years prior and recent months bled together, happy moments where she laughed so hard it nearly ripped her sides open. There was only one constant in these flashes of memory, and it was a face that she knew better than most.

'Sesshoumaru...'

The memories kept flashing through her mind like some unattainable dream, and Kagome didn't even notice as a single crystalline tear made a course down her cheek in the darkness of her bedroom. The memories didn't seem like her own anymore, but instead seemed like some tragic romance movie she'd watch when she was bored. The first tear was join by two more as the memories suddenly darkened.

They were arguing in this one, yelling and screaming so loud that she was surprised that the cops hadn't been called by a concerned neighbor. Even when they were in harmony, they were night and day. In fights such as this one, night and day themselves seemed to clash. At least, that's what Kagome thought. Then, the memories suddenly changed again.

It was much more recent than the last, having taken place only months before. She wasn't with him in person this time, but talking with him over the phone while she was away visiting family. It was rather strange really. He had called her just after talking with his newest source of entertainment, Kagura, sometimes complaining about her less than loyal ways and sometimes talking about her like she was some angel sent from heaven.

That day had left her sitting in the apartment alone while her aunt and uncle went out, the light turned off and the TV on, leaving her in a dark world all her own.

As she lay there in her room, Kagome realized why she'd been so devastated by simple phone call. He'd moved on, and she was still longing for the past she could never relive.

Yes, she was chained to the past. The past she'd shared with Sesshoumaru. Now that she looked back on it, there were so many things she could have done better to make it work. So many little things that finally added up in the end, and even now, she knew it was her own fault that she was laying on her bed in the dark, thoughts of the past plaguing her mind. This was her true self, quiet and locked away. Around friends, she laughed and joked, having the reputation as the crazy tomboy who could split your sides. Sometimes she was like this at home, but only on the bad days. On the bad days, she felt a need to hide her problems from her family.

But on the days like this, where bad didn't seem to describe anything, she didn't care what her family thought.

'My family knows nothing, and will never know anything. They'd only laugh, just like everyone else.' She frowned heavily suddenly, her body seeming to come back to life within the confines of her small room. 'Laugh at me for being the fool I am. The fool who allowed herself to fall for the one who destroyed her.'

She sat up with a growl and took two steps before slamming her door open and walking down the hall and into the kitchen. She didn't need to look around to realize her family was actually home, she just knew. Especially since she could feel her mother's eyes boring into her back as she took a strawberry soda from the fridge.

"Kagome? Is something..."

"Don't talk to me." She slammed the fridge door shut, knocking several things off the top. Her mother simply glared, not all liking her daughter's attitude in the least.

"Kagome! Don't you _dare _snap at me! Turn around right now!" Kagome paused slightly, grinding her teeth together as her mother yelled from behind her and slammed her coffee mug on the counter to emphasize her rant. "Turn around!"

"Why? You're still gonna yell at me." Silence engulfed the room and all that could be heard was the sounds of Souta's video games on the other side of the wall. Then, Kagome snorted before walking around the corner and towards the coat rack. "I'm going for a walk. Call my cell if you actually need me."

With that, she yanked on her black duster and slammed the front door with enough force to send several pictures to the ground from the walls.

It had been raining all day, but only minimally. Now it was a downpour, not even cars down the street could be heard over the sound of the rain. Kagome sighed as she walked down her steep stairs and driveway, pulling her oversized hood on so that it nearly covered her eyes. She paused once she reached the empty street, looking right and left. Then, she seemed to have decided where to go because she simply starting walking down the street to her right.

Not a single person could be seen or heard, which was odd because usually the neighborhood echoed so badly that any noise from a neighbor, good or not, could be heard. Sometimes it helped the older neighbors start gossip, and other times it nearly made her sick. But now it was strangely quiet other than the falling of the rain.

Which in all honesty was fine with Kagome.

She loved the rain, and found it soothing to her soul in its time of uncertainty or times of anger. More than often, she found herself climbing out of her window late into the night just to stand in the rain. Sometimes if she was tired enough, she actually lay down on the grass in backyard, often ruining her pajamas while doing so. Those times were hard to cover up, especially since her mother had a bad habit of stealing her clothes as well as going through her room.

Not to mention borrowing money and never paying her own daughter back.

Kagome sighed as she took a short cut through a large orchard off to her left. The old walnut trees were supposed to have been around for many years, and she could believe it from studying the size of the trees. They looked ancient towering over her, and she almost felt a smile grace her expression when she thought of how lovely it was to walk under the walnut trees during the summer.

Almost.

With a sigh, she walked behind the shed-like building the neighborhood had commissioned to be built for the children when they waited for the bus in the morning. She didn't feel like seeking the shelter just on the other side of the wall, and she simply leaned against her back, staring into space and beyond as the rain continued to pour down upon her.

Her memories were damning her, of this she was sure.

So many times she let herself become lost within her own mind, lost within the memories. She damned herself during these times, the painful emotions associated with them blossoming in her chest. It felt as though a hand was crushing her very soul, slowly enough that small pieces of it slowly fell to the floor and shattered into minuscule shards, like a broken mirror. More than often, she'd remain in her self initiated hell for hours at a time. Yes, it truly was hell for her.

Then again, she'd rather remain in her own hell within her mind than to deal with the hell of the real world.

Reality was overrated, harsh, and so utterly complicated it made her head spin. Everything seemed to be in fast foward, not letting her enjoy the simple things for what they were as her life raced onward. Hours faded into days, which faded into weeks. She could barely remember what happened only a few days before, and more than often the events she recalled were a day or so off.

Was she truly so weak? So weak that she'd let her feelings for one person rule her life and how it ran? Because it truly was he that occupied her mind in those hours that she spent locked away in her mind. Fantasy and memory bled together often, and she often wondered if the moments they'd shared were really as beautiful as she remembered. More than often, she was inclined to believe she'd just made them up. Those wonderful memories of when he held her, made her feel like some princess as he whispered sweet nothings in her ear. Chaste kisses, because she knew nothing else through her experiences, were stunning and breath taking even in their shortness.

Yes, she realized now as she closed her eyes and frowned with a heavy sigh, she was weak.

That knowledge, that deep realization fed a deep anger within her and Kagome suddenly turned and sank her fist into the wood of the shelter, hearing a loud crack that made her numbly question whether or not it was her knuckles or the wood splintering around them. A raw sting erupted in her knuckles, a dull pain in her entire hand, and she hissed as she pulled her fist back and turned it so she could observe the damage.

Blood trickled from three split knuckles, one with a small chunk of wood embedded in it so deep that she was slightly afraid of having to remove it. A heavy bruise was already beginning to form on her index knuckle, and she narrowed her eyes when she realized that writing anything was going to be a trial for some time. Wincing as she did so, she flexed her hand and moved her fingers, assuring herself that nothing had been broken other than the wall of the bus stop shelter.

For what seemed the thousandth time, she felt disgusted with herself.

'I always told him he had anger issues. Huh, I'm one to talk. Sesshoumaru, if only you knew what you do to me.' Even in thought, her voice seemed weak in her mind.

Suddenly, the familiar burn behind her eyes erupted and her vision blurred. Cursing herself once more, she felt so utterly petty as the tears which burned her eyes suddenly began to wash down her face with the rain water, leaving hot trails of the salty water upon her cheeks. Honestly, she had to wonder if she was getting to the point where she wasn't going to be able to cry anymore. She'd cried so much lately that she almost laughed at the stupidity of it. She could have filled a large mayonnaise jar with her tears by now if she had chosen too.

Yes, the whole situation was indeed so utterly stupid that she nearly let go and smashed her fist against the shelter once more.

But she refrained, and instead collapsed to her knees with a small, keening cry that would have surely made anyone's chest tighten in pity. Pity. She didn't want it, she didn't deserve it. She, Kagome, had gotten herself into this horrible mess of emotions and tears. As it was, she couldn't vent to her friends. Number one, they refused to pity her. Number two, while refusing to give her pity she didn't want nor need, they never let her live it all down.

Her own friends, who knew her better than anyone, teased her and judged her for this connection, this ridiculous feeling she felt for Sesshoumaru. They said he was a failure, a horrible person with enough sense in his head to fill a shot glass. Less actually. Yes, he was unruly. Yes, he had horrible judgement. But not by any means was he a bad person, not like so many thought of him. She knew him like no other, respected what he wanted, and didn't attempt to change him. She may have wanted to change some things, for his benefit alone, but she couldn't do that to him. So many people tried to change him as it was, ridiculed him just by his appearance.

She couldn't bring herself to try and change him. She wasn't like the rest of them. Kagome actually cared.

Again, a quiet cry echoed from deep in her throat and she just wanted to curl up right there and melt into the muddy ground.

:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:

Sometimes, he really had to curse himself. Was he really so weak? So weak that he cared about the thoughts of simple female? He snorted as he lay on his large bed, the dark curtains around him closing out the dim light of the rainy day. He liked it this way, concealed within darkness where the world seemed so far away. Not to mention there was the perk of not having to be blinded by sunlight when he awoke in the mornings.

Sesshoumaru was never one to linger on one subject too long, he lived his life on pure instinct and blind faith. If he wanted to do it, he did it, regardless of the consequences. Hence, he'd been in trouble more times than he could count, becoming the "trouble child" of his family. He knew what the world thought of him, and personally, he didn't give a damn. He'd reached the point of breaking years ago, and now he could care less what the world and society thought of him.

She was reaching that point.

With a loud growl-like sound, Sesshoumaru frowned within the confines of his dark room, not at all liking this sudden turn in thought.

Kagome. He respected her, more than he thought he could respect anyone. She was his friend, the one person he felt gave a damn and listened when he talked. Although, he knew all too well she didn't approve of a lot of his choices, she was different from the rest of the world. She didn't even try to change him. She didn't want to, was the reason she had given him when he'd asked.

But more and more lately he found himself letting his thoughts wander to her whenever he wasn't actively doing something. It wasn't normal, it wasn't something he wanted, and Sesshoumaru snorted loudly when he realized he was putting more thought into the matter than there should have been.

The girl was his friend, possibly his only friend, and nothing more. He didn't want anything more.

Sesshoumaru had realized long ago he didn't want a serious relationship with anyone. He'd seen what happened during serious relationships, and he frowned heavily at it. Such an overrated thing, with emotions that ran rampant through the minds and hearts of both people involved. It was ridiculous, it was disgusting how people could lower themselves to do anything for another person. They would change their very appearance, who they are, to make one other person happy.

Only fools did such things.

But his traitorous mind suddenly reared an ugly thought, and he once more growled. How could he, Sesshoumaru, judge anyone else now? He himself had nearly changed everything he was, everything he did, just for one person. As it was, he'd quit smoking for a short time of his own free will.

'That was nothing. A temporary lapse in judgement as I became acquainted with this new area.' Although, Sesshoumaru truly couldn't make himself believe that as he sat up and walked over to his computer, pushing the power button before leaving the room and grabbing a soda and some chips form the kitchen. Only halfway back through then living room, something stopped him.

"What are you up to now boy?" Sesshoumaru felt his ever dangerous anger flare within his blood, and he didn't even turn to look at the man who had so eloquently spoken to him from across the room.

"Nothing. You act as though I'm going to build a bomb and blow up this half of the mountain." He could hear the man snort, and his ire burned stronger.

"You don't have the gall to do such a thing. You're just an idiotic boy who needs to grow up." Turning slightly on his right foot, he sent a heated glared at the man who held a mirror image of his face.

His sire sat in his recliner, not even looking at him as he watched television instead.

"If I'm such a disappointment to you 'father', why not send me away?" The older of the two snorted loudly again and adjusted himself in the chair.

"What a pathetic waste of money. Just like how you bought that black hair dye awhile back." Sesshoumaru bottled up the urge to throw his soda at the man's head, and instead snorted and began walking to his bedroom once more.

"You got your way at any rate. Although, I can't say I was happy about not having hair for some time." With a slam of his door, Sesshoumaru officially ended the discussion and locked the door before flopping down and entering his password into the computer, which he'd placed on the device when he'd discovered his cousin had been using it.

Cracking open his soda as the computer automatically connected to the net and his messenger as it booted up, he was distinctly surprised when he saw that Kagome wasn't online. It was strange, because no matter what the consequences were, she always signed on at this time and checked her e-mail, sometimes chatting with him for a few minutes before she logged off suddenly without a word. His gaze narrowed, and he took a long drink from the soda before setting it onto his wooden desk, being careful of the large crack down the center.

The crack made him growl once more.

Kagome had cause him to do that. She'd been angry about something he'd done again, screaming her anger at him as he'd yelled back in his somewhat controlled fashion. He couldn't remember what he'd said at the time, but she suddenly looked as though he'd struck her. But her ire had suddenly returned as she slammed her fist into his jaw, attempting to walk away. But he reached for her, pulling her back against his chest as she fought to be free.

"_I hate you."_

He frowned again, knowing that one phrase had been enough to make him lose his grip on her as she'd run from him to her home. Yes, he'd considered running after her but instead, he'd remained where he'd stood for hours, never really moving as he found himself feeling utterly lost for the first time in his life.

At that time, the thought of her hating him was more than enough to make his chest clench.

'Ridiculous.' He snorted and opened his inbox, not at all surprised when he saw several e-mails from Kagura.

The girl had been quite a pain lately, calling the house and his cell phone at ungodly hours of the night and morning. She e-mailed him nearly three times every day with varying degrees of her begging. She wanted him back, this much he knew. At one time, he'd held her higher than he held Kagome. But that was then, and this is now. Then, she'd seemed perfect. Now, he knew what she really was. A harlot. A low-down, lying, cheating harlet.

Kagome had been right all along, even though he threatened to never talk to her again if she kept trying to "warn" him.

Again, he snorted. His mind was beginning to develop a strange habit of locking onto Kagome.

Feeling quite low in that moment, Sesshoumaru was about to click on an e-mail about his website when the obvious vibration of his phone went of in his pocket. He growled loudly, and didn't bother looking at the caller ID.

"Kagura I swear if this is you I'll..."

"Sesshou?" The tiny voice on the other end killed his ire, and he could plainly hear the person's teeth chattering.

"Kagome? Kagome, what's wrong?" Her dark laugh echoed in his ear, and he grew worried. There were few times when she was like this and he knew if she called him, something was wrong.

"I argued with my mom again. I left like you told me to, but I ended up getting hurt anyways. I think I might've busted something in my hand."

Yes, he'd told her that if her mother and her ever argued that she should leave. More than often the arguments became fist fights that went on until one of them was incapable of fighting anymore. Again more than often, that was Kagome. He'd seen her only minutes after one of these fights. Her lip had been split, there was a small gash just above her right eye, and there were too many bruises on her to count.

They also found out later that she'd cracked a rib.

"Did you hit something? Someone?"

"I punched a wall. Pretty stupid huh?" He sighed, not at all liking how small her voice sounded. Something other than her mother was bothering her.

"Where are you at right now?"

"I'm outside." Sesshoumaru jumped up and walked over to his window to see her sitting at the top of the hill behind his house, completely drenched to the bone. He saw her phone flip shut and he dropped his onto the floor and bolted out of his bedroom and out the backdoor. He sprinted across the slippery ground towards the bottom of the hill, and was more than shocked when he felt her tiny form collide against his. She truly was soaked, right down the bone from what he could tell and as he wrapped his arms around her, he felt her body shaking and jerking from her crying and lack of warmth.

"Come on, you'll get sick as a fucking dog if we stay out here." She nodded and for once didn't protest when he lifted her bridal style and walked her into the house, slamming the door shut behind him with his foot.

His father had risen from his chair and was now in the kitchen, retrieving a beer from the fridge as he spared a scathing look at him both. In his opinion, Kagome was unwanted. She made his "mistake" happy and something more than he really was. Therefore, Sesshoumaru knew his father hated the girl in his arms.

He walked back into his room and shut the door using his foot once more before setting her gently on her feet, noticing how badly she was shivering. Without thinking, he walked over and grabbed a pair of large black pants and a t-shirt of his from his pile of clean laundry.

"I'm fine Sesshoumaru." He snorted loudly and turned to her with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh? Is that why you're shivering hard enough to cause a small earthquake?" She frowned at him, just a little, but enough to know that she was fine. He pressed the clothes into her arms, and wanted to laugh when she simply sighed and motioned for him to turn around, which he did.

He could hear her clothes being dropped to the floor in a soaking heap, on article at a time. When the noise stopped, he winced mentally. She'd barely been wearing anything. No wonder she was drenched from the rain. Suddenly, he heard her hiss from pain and he fought with himself not turn around.

"What's wrong?"

"My stupid hand. I think I might've busted a knuckled pretty bad and there's some wood embedded in one." Now he could hear the pants jingle as she slipped them on, for there were several chains adorning them. "Shit. I need a sweatshirt too."

"Why?"

"Cause my damn bra is too soaked to wear." He didn't ask anymore and simply took off the one he was wearing and threw it behind him, hearing her swear quietly as it smacked into her.

He smiled lightly.

"Oh great, no I get to really smell like you."

"I'm not the one who was standing out in the rain like an idiot."

"I'm not an idiot."

"That's debatable."

"Asshole."

"Bitch."

They both paused, Kagome fuming while Sesshoumaru did his best not to smile outright. Again, this was an everyday occurrence for them. While many couples or friends had cute "petnames" for each other, Kagome and Sesshoumaru had more than often found themselves calling each other less than loving names even while they were still dating.

But why they still argued like this was beyond him. It was almost as if they'd never broken up.

"You're an ass, you know that right?" He shrugged as he felt her tap his shoulder as a signal he could turn around. He did turn around, schooling his smirk that wanted to break loose, and had to fight against said smirk much harder upon seeing her.

Her hair was still flat against her face and dripping, the clothes he had given her were his own and were naturally many sizes too big, and lastly...she was just barely holding up the black pants.

"Kagome...am I correct in assuming you need a belt?" She swung at him, narrowly missing his face. Which was quite shocking because she never, never used to aim for the face. Something really was bothering her lately.

Not just today. But in the last few months, he'd seen something occuring within the girl before him.

Sure, she'd changed since he'd originally met her. She used to be the happy, bouncy girl who'd turned his life upside down. After they'd separated, she became the girl that everyone looked at with pity in their eyes. He remembered her from back then, when she'd looked and acted half alive. She'd been thin before that, but at that time, she'd looked almost ill. There was one time, when she hadn't appeared in school for several days, that he'd feared for her life.

But she returned, looking slightly better than before.

After that, she began to mold into the person she was now. She locked herself away behind a mask of false happiness, that much he knew. She began to take care of herself again, looking more like herself again, but also not like herself. She listened to darker music now, wore darker, heavier clothes, and was extremely distant and isolated outside of her small circle of friends.

It was as if she was afraid of the world itself.

But lately, he noticed she'd been losing weight again and acting much more distant than usual. Just the other day, he'd offered her a ride to a local concert and she turned him down in a rather shady manner. Honestly, he was beginning to worry. She was one of his only friends, and she was slowly beginning to fall apart before his eyes.

"Just get me a belt you jerk." He blinked once before snorting and walking over to his closet and taking a studded belt off its hook. As he turned and hand it to her, his eyes caught a glimpse of a CD he'd burned for his band and he suddenly remembered something he was supposed to tell her.

"By the way, my band's decided they want a female singer now that Andrew left." Kagome glanced up at him through her dripping bangs as she put on the belt, being careful not to let the pants slip and allow Sesshoumaru a glance at her rubber ducky panties.

"I didn't know he'd left."

"Yeah, damn jerk. Left us for some girl he barely knew."

"At least he has a heart somewhere inside him."

"Nah, I think it was more along the lines of he hadn't gotten any ass in nearly a year."

"That was mean."

"So?"

"So...I could say you haven't gotten any decent ass since..."

"Shut up and put on your belt. I'll go get you a damn towel." Kagome wanted to smile, but she was too frustrated with the belt as she heard him leave the room.

She didn't even pause to think about how her mood had suddenly brightened by just being around him.

He wanted to growl as loud as he could, something he tended to do a lot around her. But with his father sitting only a few feet behind him as he dug around in the closet for a towel, he kept it inside. Finally, he found a large blue one that looked like it would soak up the ocean of water she'd somehow gotten soaked into her hair.

But when he reached his room once more, he was shocked to find her sitting on the floor with her back against his bed. Her neck was bent and her soaking wet hair covered her face. But he knew she was sleeping as soon as he'd walked in. Otherwise, she would have looked up at him. So, with a sigh, he walked over and knelt next to her before gently nudging her shoulder.

"Kagome."

She groaned in protest.

"Kagome."

Again, she groaned and this time he could see her brow furrow in frustration.

"Kagome, get up. Your hair's still wet."

"Go away."

"Kagome..."

She whined and tried to turn away from him, but he reached out and grabbed her, sitting her still as he flopped the towel onto her wet head.

"You're an ass."

"And you're a bitch. But before we can argue about that, you need to dry your hair." She whined again, but reluctantly reached up and began to scrunch her hair within the towel. Seeing that she was indeed going to dry her hair, Sesshoumaru stood up and walked over to his desk before sitting down and opening the e-mail he'd originally aimed to open.

By the time he finished, less than two minutes, Kagome had wrapped her hair in the towel and passed out again. But this time, her head was inclined backwards and it looked painful enough to make him wince.

"Damn Kagome, you can sleep anywhere. That's for damn sure." He got up and kneeled down next to her before, suddenly realizing how tired she looked. Dark circles were under her eyes and she was much paler than usual. He narrowed his eyes slightly before reaching out and lifting her bridal style onto his bed, gently laying her towel covered head onto his dark pillow. She groaned quietly and her brow furrowed.

"Sesshoumaru?"

"Go ahead and sleep. If your mom calls, I'll tell her you're not here." She smiled softly, not bothering to open her eyes, before her body relaxed once more and she was out again.

Sesshoumaru simply went back to the computer and began to check is army of e-mails.

:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:

There was a sharp pain in his shoulder now, and he rotated his entire arm several times in an attempt to relieve the pain. But it did nothing and he decided it must have been from sitting in front of his computer and typing for so long. He surprisingly gotten quite a bit of work done on his website and a few other things. He yawned widely, suddenly feeling tired even though the sun had only gone down a few hours before.

Turning in his desk chair, Sesshoumaru turned his gaze upon the form taking up most of his bed.

She had turned on her side several times before now, and was currently on her back once more. Her hair was almost completely loose from the towel, tossed about her in onyx rivers. Suddenly, the clouds that had covered the skies for nearly two days cleared and a single beam of moonlight shone down upon her form through his bedroom window.

He was sure he'd stopped breathing.

The sweatshirt and t-shirt he'd given her hours ago had somehow hiked their way up her abdomen and were barely covering her braless chest. Her pale skin, looking smooth and creamy, seemed to glow in the moonlight and Sesshoumaru realized that he'd forgotten just how fit she was beneath her baggy clothes. His pants had also slipped, and the top of her blue rubber ducky panties was beginning to show.

'If she only knew...she'd already have my head on a silver platter.' It was true. Had she'd been awake to see the way he was looking at her, Kagome would have surely beaten him beyond the daily beating.

A soft sigh came from her, making him focus on her once more, and he narrowed his eyes when he saw her expression. Her face was drawn up painfully, as thought something or someone was hurting her. He got up and went to her, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed before reaching out and brushing her bangs from her forehead.

"Kagome, you're fine. It's..."

"No...please don't..." He blinked at the sound of her cracked voice. She sounded as though she could barely breathe. "...don't...Sesshoumaru...please don't..."

His hand retracted as though he'd been shocked.

She was surely having a nightmare, that much he knew from the beginning. But the nightmare...was about him? He was causing her pain in her dreams? How? Why? It made no sense! How could she ever think, or eve dream, that he would harm her intentionally?

"Kagome..."

"No...it hurts too much...just...go away..."

"Kagome wake up." She began to thrash slightly, as though she was trying to get away from something or someone. By instinct alone, Sesshoumaru leaned over and pinned her down by her arms, effectively ending some of the thrashing. But her legs were still free, and so the second time that day Sesshoumaru found himself completely pinning Kagome on her back.

"Kagome, wake up. Now." As though those words alone had broken some sort of spell, Kagome's eyes snapped open and stayed wide with her fear. She looked around frantically, breathing harshly, before finally letting her eyes linger on his face.

"Sesshoumaru?"

:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:

The dream was horrid, cruel, and complete hell. If she could have screamed, she would have done so. But Kagome found she could hardly breathe at all. Darkness surrounded her, taunted her, and choked her. No matter how hard she tried, her voice wouldn't come out.

'What heck is going on?' She tried to move, but like her voice, her limbs wouldn't cooperate.

_Kagome..._

'I know that voice...'

Suddenly a vision of light appeared before her, so bright that she had to shut her eyes for a few moments before the brilliance of it faded. She wanted to gasp, she tried to gasp, but she did not gasp when she realized she knew the person standing before her.

"Sesshoumaru..." Her voice was quiet, and it cracked loudly as she spoke. He smirked at her, that smirk that could either annoy her or give her butterflies depending on her mood.

_Kagome...do you love me?_

She gasped, loudly and clearly as his unspoken question echoed in the darkness.

"I...I've always loved you Sesshou..."

He smiled at her now, such a bright smile that it took her breath away completely.

_Good...hearts are so much nicer broken..._

"Sesshou?"

She screamed loudly, her voice cracking again as he suddenly lunged towards her and wrapped his large hand around her throat, closing off her air supply. A fiery pain erupted in her chest, and tears began to roll down her cheeks.

"Sesshoumaru...why?"

_I don't need you...I don't want you...you're nothing to me..._

"_Kagome, you're fine. It's..."_

She could hear his voice twice now, but she didn't care. His hand was slowly tightening around her throat, a dark smile upon his lips.

"No...please don't..." His smiled twisted and a malicious intent surged up in his eyes. "...don't...Sesshoumaru...please don't..."

_You're nothing to me Kagome._

"_Kagome..."_

"No...it hurts too much...just...go away..." She tried to fight against him, to pry his fingers from around her neck, but nothing could make him budge.

"_Kagome wake up."_

'No...just kill me now...it all hurts too much...my love hurts too much...'

Suddenly, the hand around her throat was gone and so was her vision. The darkness when numb, no longer suffocating and Kagome swore she could feel weight on her arms and legs.

"Kagome, wake up. Now."

Her eyes opened, and the darkness fled.

:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:

"Kagome, it's alright. It was just a dream." She looked up at him, her eyes still wide and frightened. But the frantic look was gone from her face. Her body was shaking beneath his hands, and he continued to hold her until he was sure was calm.

"Sesshoumaru..."

"What did you dream Kagome?" She blinked twice, slowly and innocently. But then her frightened expression crumbled and tears came leaking from her eyes in small rivers. Something clenched in his gut as he saw this and as she sobbed his name and tried to sit up, he let her.

She pressed her body against his, seeking comfort from whatever horror her dreams had inflicted upon her. Her quiet sobs barely made a sound, but racked her body over and over. He wrapped his arms around her, realizing how tiny and fragile she felt in that moment. It was a strange realization. The girl who he argued with and was beaten by daily was in fact small and weak behind her exterior.

"Sesshoumaru...don't leave me...just this once...don't leave me..." Though it was muffled, he heard her and nodded silently before nudging her over so that he could fully pull his body onto the bed. He lay down, her tiny frame still wrapped in his arms, and she only moved to readjust herself comfortably against him before her arms were brought in between them.

Their faces were only a few inches apart, tears still running down her face. By a gut feeling, Sesshoumaru brought his arm that wasn't beneath her and used his thumb to brush away the tears rolling down her cheeks. She reminded him of a lost child like this, her eyes wide and innocent.

"Stay with me until I fall asleep?" He smirked at her, causing her to blink and her cheeks flush slightly. She really liked it when he smiled or smirked.

"Go to sleep Kagome." She smiled at him softly, her eyes that were looking so haunted moments ago were now back to themselves and she shut them gently, her lashes brushing his face lightly.

Within moments, she was asleep again.

For the longest time, he just lay there with her and watched her sleep. His free hand rubbed small circles on her cheek and his eyes seemingly stared at nothing while they were locked upon the soft smile upon her lips. His thoughts were confused, and strangely unsure, and Sesshoumaru was quite out of place in these moments.

But his confusion faded and his eyes drooped slowly before finally, he too was asleep.

_A/N:_

_AHHHH! Sry this has taken so long! But it's extremely difficult to sit down and write this story mainly because the relationship is loosely based upon that of my ex and I. As I said in the beginning, I'm going to be taking leave of reality from here on out. Occasionally, I'll still use actual events and moments from real life. But they won't be in the exact order, and mostly unmarked. If you want to know what's real and not, e-mail me. I have no problems with telling you._

_Again, sry for the long wait! This one's a little shorter than the first chapter, but still...at least it's finally done eh? Well, for now I have to go. I've spent most of two days working on finishing this chapter and I'm behind on homework. Not to mention it's around 11:30pm and my dad flips if I'm up later than 9 . _

_Ja ne minna!_

_-Blue_


	3. Chapter 3

This morning was particularly cold, making her hands tingle with the lack of warmth as she stuffed them  
into her sweatshirt pocket. The rain was gone, much to her grief. But she also couldn't help but feel   
slightly relieved. She loved the rain, but right now it would've been a very unwelcome friend. The cold  
wind was enough for her tastes at the moment. She frowned, for she'd once again been in too much of a  
rush to grab her heavier sweatshirt. The one she wore was fine on regular days, but on days like this  
where the cold took no prisoners, she felt the chill run across her arms through the black fabric. Shuffling  
her cold legs, she frowned with a snort. 

She really needed to think about things alot more before she left the house.

With a loud sigh, Kagome found herself once again glancing down the street in search of the bright  
yellow monstrosity that was the school bus. In those moments, she cursed herself full heartedly. If she  
only knew how to drive, this wouldn't be a problem. But of course she just had to have a phobia of the  
gas pedal. At this thought, she snorted. It was utterly rediculous, this fear of hers, but it was valid  
nonetheless and was in that way insuring that she had to sit out here and freeze as she awaited the late-  
as-usual.

Honestly, her luck really had taken a kick to the crotch lately.

Shuffling her feet again, Kagome let her mind wander once again. Her mother really was beginning to  
push her to the extremes. It'd been a week since their last real fight, but the tension in the house was  
ever present. They didn't talk, they snapped. Kagome never came out of her room unless she had to,  
even going as far as to borrow a small fridge from someone so she could just eat in her room too.  
Although, it was a pain when Souta came in twice a day or more to try and steal some of the sodas she'd  
bought.

After all, her mother was convinced that Kagome was fat enough and didn't need anymore junk food or  
heavily sugared drinks.

Suddenly, Kagome felt her body warm when the last fight with her mother was brought back into her  
mind. Mainly, where she went afterwards. A week had passed, and she could still remember every detail  
of that night vividly. She could remember suddenly walking from the bus stop, her hand bleeding heavily  
from the impact against the wooden shed, and walked in the first direction she'd faced. Somehow,  
without thinking, she'd found herself at the top a very familiar hill that overlooked a very familiar yard. As  
though she were robotic, Kagome had pulled her phone from her pocket and called him, actually seeing  
him answer from where she stood. As he spoke, she felt her body fully for the first time in nearly an hour  
and fell to her knees in exhaustion. That's how he'd first seen her, sitting at the top of he hill looking like  
a small mass of wet, black cloth. 

Nothing more than that. She probably never looked like anything more than that.

The rest was blurry, only the pain in her knuckles being clear enough to remember. But amongst all the   
blurry memories, there was a time of complete clarity. Clarity that she, no matter how hard she may try,  
would never forget. In those moments, she'd felt like the world could have completely disappeared and  
she wouldn't have cared. Not one minuscule bit. 

All because of what she'd seen in his eyes.

Those eyes, glowing and golden like the sun, were the pathways to his soul. To know Sesshoumaru, you  
had to know his eyes. Know that in the dark light of night, a deeper ring of gold appeared around his   
pupil. Know that even through his anger, you could see his sadness hidden inside. She knew him, knew his eyes, and she knew what the rare emotion in his eyes meant.

He cared. On some level, he really did care about her. The thought alone was enough to make her smile through the cold.

He cared, and that was enough she guessed. Even if he didn't care for her more than as a friend, even if she was like his little sister, and even if he'd never love her like she loved him, she was content to some extent and that was better than nothing. She shivered again as the wind brushed across her skin in icy waves once more. Honestly, for California weather, this was outrageous. Anyone who thought California was warmer than other states all year long needed a reality check. Big time. But even she had to admit, that even though cold weather was typical for this time of the year, this was almost getting to the point where she thought about running back up to the house and grabbing her mother's coat.

But she frowned at that. Even if it was just for another coat, Kagome really didn't want to face her mother.

'That'll just end in another fight, another split lip, and another...'

"Kagome!" Jumping slightly at the shout, Kagome looked ahead and was quite shocked at what she saw. There was Sesshoumaru, wearing a long black trench coat and black, baggy pants as he straddled a motorcycle that nearly made her drool, his helmet tucked under his arm. At that current time, Sesshoumaru himself was more than enough to make her drool.

Apart from the trench coat he knew she loved and the pants she'd actually worn before, his shirt could be seen beneath and it was one she'd try to steal from him many times. It was a plain gray shirt, buttoning up in front. She knew by memory that the sleeves were just like a normal t-shirt. One sleeve had a chain accent that went from the front of his shoulder to the back, and the other side had a dual black stripe and D-ring accent towards the end of the sleeve. She didn't know why she loved it so much, but she did. His hair was down today, like usual, and it billowed around him like a cape in the wind.

She would full heartedly admit she'd missed his hair when his father had buzzed it all off.

But it wasn't his clothes and hair that shocked her. Not even the strangely attractive way he held himself as he straddled the bike, arrogance and complete confidence shining brightly from him. In fact, it was his face. Something about his face was different today, warmer perhaps. The fact that there was already a soft grin on his lips was not helping. But there was one final fact that shocked her. One that actually made her stare as she cocked her head to the side.

For the first time in a long time, Sesshoumaru was wearing eye make-up.

Kagome had long ago discovered she'd loved it when he wore eye make up, however little it may have been. It always made his glorious golden eyes stand out, making them all the more appealing to her. Today he wore a thick line of liner on each bottom lid, just the way she'd told him she liked it, and a smoky grey color for his shadow. That was another thing she loved about this make up. When he actually did wear it, it was minimal and perfect.

Damn him.

She could try for hours trying to make her eyes look like his, which was ironic considering he'd taken his color ideas from her, and more than often it just ended with her pissed off and frustrated.

"Oi, are you gonna stare or are you gonna get your ass over here?" Blushing furiously, Kagome grabbed her bag from its place on the ground and swung it over her right shoulder before walking over to him while she rubbed her arms furiously. Looking up at him as she reached his side, she noticed he was suddenly frowning.

"What?"

"You're gonna freeze your ass off in that." Kagome snorted as she shivered and reached for the extra helmet.

"Yeah well, I don't have a nice big coat like you do. Doink." He chuckled lightly, and she felt butterflies dance in her abdomen.

'Damned things. Why can't they flutter around his stomach for once!' She frowned, unknowingly causing him to quirk an eyebrow as he had gotten his coat half shrugged from his shoulders.

'I can only hope she's not mad at me or something to that effect. That wouldn't be a good opening to my day.' He continued shrugging off his coat as she grabbed the extra helmet and placed it over her hair, which was down as usual, and buckled it in place. Then, not all feeling chilled by the wind even in his short sleeves, he shoved the trench under her nose, making her blink widely with her bright, sapphire blue eyes.

"Put it on before you freeze. Doink." Kagome glared up at him, slightly surprised at hearing him say "doink", but took the coat from his grasp nonetheless and threw it over her shoulders before stuffing her arms into the monstrous sleeves. She didn't worry about her bag, knowing that the coat was big enough for about three of her to fit inside it. But suddenly something came to her attention as she straddled the bike behind him.

"Hey, isn't it kinda risky for me to wear such a huge coat on a motorcycle?" Sesshoumaru glanced back at her as he lowered himself onto the bike once more, his helmet back in place.

"Kagome, you need to take more risks. I could name one I know you need to take." Kagome stiffened, feeling suddenly nervous by his tone, but she quickly shoved it away and slapped his shoulder before wrapping her arms around his waist.

"You're an ass."

"If I was an ass, then why did I give you my coat?"

"So I wouldn't bitch about the cold all the way to school."

"Hmph, good answer. But not the reason."

"Oh? Do you really care whether or not I freeze my ass off?"

"Yes."

"...Sess..."

"Because if it froze off, then I wouldn't be able to watch it while you run in PE anymore."

"Sesshoumaru Taisho! You asshole!" She smacked him hard enough to make him wince, and she was satisfied that argument was over as he started the engine and took off down the hill once he was sure she'd gotten a good enough grip on his waist.

As they flew through the rural area they lived in, Kagome felt very thankful that Sesshoumaru had finally broken down and bought another helmet with a visor. Before now, she had to wear her sunglasses. Even the old bike, which wasn't nearly as fast as this one, made her eyes water when they drove. But it was much better now with a full helmet, and she gripped his waist a little tighter in a sort of lazy hug.

She didn't know that he'd smiled, genuinly, when she'd done that. Suddenly, definitely not for the first time, Sesshoumaru's thoughts drifted back to that night a week ago.

He remembered when he'd finally gotten her to open her eyes, seeing how scared she was in that moment as she'd stared up at him. Completely horrified. Of him. It had torn a wound wide open in his heart, the reason why escaping him completely, and it still left him feeling raw. Not only had she'd looked horrfied, but she's looked lost. Lost, alone, and scared. Just like a child. He'd realized then, just how utterly innocent to the world Kagome was. Sure, she'd lost some of her innocence since he'd met her, but not alot. She was still looking at the world with the eyes of a person who knew enough to keep them happy and sane. But with the realization of her innocence, another realization had set in.

He wanted to protect that innocence about her.

Sesshoumaru, who barely knew innocence as a personal feeling, wanted to shield her from the harsh truth of the world. Why? He didn't know, and he was sure he never would. Like many things surrounding Kagome, it was an enigma. Another question he had was why had she'd been scared of him? It would have been one thing if she'd simply been scared of the dream, but the way her eyes had been in those moments had told him she'd been terrified of him. That, and the fact that she'd said he hurt her while she she was still stuck in her night terror.

He frowned heavily as they went around particularily sharp turn, causing Kagome to tighten her grip around his waist. How could she ever think, awake or not, that he would hurt her? Even when she'd slapped him and called him every insult she knew, no matter how hurtful it may have been, he had not hit her back or even shown any sign of violence. His guilt, for he knew all too well what kind of hell she'd been through because of him, governed his actions towards her.

But was that all? Honestly, he didn't know.

Suddenly, he found himself rather grateful his motorcycle had been given to him sooner. The weight of his cellphone was vibrating strongly in his pocket, and he knew right away who it was. Only one person had the nerve to call him this early in the morning, and it was probably the same person who had pestered him while on the net and when he'd logged off, continued to pester him via his cellphone.

He really needed to block the girl.

Kagura had once upon a time been the most beautiful, truthful, and perfect person in his eyes. She'd symbolized everything he wasn't, and he'd been willing to let go of anything she asked just to stay with her. Except one thing. One day, as they lay sprawled in her queen sized bed, she'd looked up at him with those deep crimson eyes of hers with such a serious look that he actually woke up fully and sat up a little higher. Her words had shocked him.

_"I don't want you talking to that Kagome brat anymore."_

He knew now that it was a defensive gesture. Kagura, having watched him since he'd moved into the area, knew of his history with Kagome. Just about everyone did these days. She'd felt threatened, she'd even admitted it to his face. But there was something else there, something darker. Kagura, for absolutely no reason, seemed to hate the very essence that was Kagome. She hated everything about the other girl. Who her friends were, what she wore, what she watched, or anything she could think of. Kagura hated Kagome with a passion, he was certain of that.

But, come to think of it, Kagome hated her with a near passion.

It was a strange thought, really. Kagome didn't hate, she wasn't made that way. Yes, she could heatedly dislike someone but not hate. It was against everything she'd been raised to know. Even still, the times she'd said she hated him had left rips in his heart. But his question was simple. Why did Kagome hate Kagura?

He had theories about Kagura's hate for Kagome, but for Kagome's hate towards Kagura was a complete enigma to him. Had he'd missed something that had happened between the two girls? Probably. He really didn't pay attention to that sort of thing. But now, he realized he would be paying more attention to the affairs of these two girls. For the sake of Kagome. Kagura's attitude was beginning to make him wonder her sanity, and if the rumors were true, Kagome may not last the school year without getting into several fights.

As it was, there were plans for Kagura's "minions" to jump the other girl.

He frowned again as they finally rode into the small town they attended school in. Questions seemed to hover over Kagome like a stormy cloud, and it was rather irritating sometimes. Like right now. Truthfully, he wished he could read her mind and find out what the hell was going on. It would save quite a bit of effort on his part.

The high school came into view as they turned another corner and he felt Kagome suddenly stiffen. Now why would she do that?

But once again, the answer didn't come and not only that, but the girl behind him seemed to stiffen more and more the nearer the school grew. By now her arms were nearly taking the air out of him. It was then, as they pulled into the lower parking lot of the school, Sesshoumaru realized something with much befuddlement in his mind.

Kagome was scared.

But of what? Why was she so scared of everyone and everything it seemed lately? He thought about asking her but he didn't get the chance as she shoved the helmet she'd used into his arms with a muttered "Thank you." before walking off in a huff. He stood there watching her walk away, his face showing much more than it usually did as he wondered about her. In all truth, he was beginning to worry about her. Perhaps, he thought as he placed the two helmets under his arm and began walking towards a familiar car, he would watch over her for awhile. Hang out with her more during school hours.

Yes, that was what he'd do.

With that decided, Sesshoumaru walked over to his friend's car and whistled to get the other male's attention before simply chucking the helmets through the open passenger side door so that they landed in the seat.

"Jeeze, mornin' to you too Maru." Sesshoumaru snorted at him, feeling quite irritable now that he was actually on school grounds.

"Miroku, you know I'm not a morning person." Miroku chuckled and locked the car's doors before slamming his shut, signalling for Sesshoumaru to shut the passenger one as well.

Miroku was probably Sesshoumaru's only true friend other than Kagome. Miroku was younger than him, not by much, and also quite a bit shorter. But then again, Sesshoumaru was quite tall and knew it. With shoulder length hair that fell in onyx waves, violet eyes with a mischevious twinkle in them, and a body that got nearly as many "stop, drop, and drool." responses as Sesshoumaru, Miroku Taski was quite a target for many females on campus. Although, it had not always been that way. Before Sesshoumaru came along, Miroku knew all too well he'd been a loner.

But those days were over, and he chuckled when Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes at what was ahead of them.

"Man, I'm glad I never dated her. I'd be just as screwed as you."

"Shut the fuck up Miroku." Again, Miroku chuckled as they walked on. But Sesshoumaru suddenly stopped, his rotten mood getting worse when his memory finally caught up with him. "Shit."

"What is it?" Miroku stopped walking and turned to see Sesshoumaru with a look on his face that cleary spelled trouble. But he blinked when Sesshoumaru simply sighed and started walking again, giving his response as he walked passed his friend.

"Kagome still has my coat." Miroku's howling laughter could be heard nearly all the way up to the gym.

But the day was not only getting off on a bad foot for Sesshoumaru, but for Kagome as well.

"Ah come on Kagome! I'm begging here!" Kagome sighed as she dug through her bag before placing a small textbook for her English class in the locker before her.

"I already told you Kouga, I'm not interested."

"But you always say that! Come on Kagome, just one shot!" Kagome stood, using her foot to slam the locker shut before turning to the male behind her, swing her bag over her shoulder as she did so.

Kouga Muraki. Quite a looker in th eyes of many girls at their high school, all of whom would gladly throw themselves at his feet. He was popular, supposedly smart, and the captain of the varsity football team. Not only that, but Kouga also came from a well-respected, very wealthy, family. Again, nearly all of the school's female population would throw themselves at his feet.

But not Kagome.

"The reason I always say it is because I've never been interested, and I never will be interested. Now get out of my way before I have to make you get out of my way." Kouga sighed but walked around her at any rate. But not before sneaking a very blatant peek at Kagome's "assets".

'I'm gonna murder that little sonofa...'

"Kagome!" Turning on heel, Kagome couldn't help but squeal loudly as two female bodies collided with her own, nearly sending her to the cement below.

"Jeeze you guys! Are you trying to kill me!" One of the girls let go, still laughing heavily.

"If we wanted to kill you Kags, we would've already done it!" She was taller than Kagome by about half a head with shoulder length hair that was left down for once in glorious waves of chocolate brown. Her eyes nearly matched the color of her hair, except for the strange ring, almost amber in color, that surrounded the edges of her eyes. Kagome often found herself envying the girl before her, one of her dearest friends. For not only did she have a very pretty face, she had a near perfect build. With long, shaped legs that were for all to see from underneath a black, knee-length skirt, a toned stomach that was today shyly shown off by a tight green blouse, and the shape that many men looked for in a girl, she was one of the girls that could instigate the "stop, drop, and beg." response from the male species.

"Yeah, Bri's right! Besides, why would we kill you? You're entertainment central in this hell hole Kags!" The second girl finally let go and standing upright. Like Bri, she was taller than Kagome. But this girl was much taller, by at least a head or more. Her deep brown hair, with its natural honey highlights, was up in a high ponytail that nearly reached the end of her shoulder blades. With one green eye and one blue eye, she could make people stare with that alone. But there were many more things that made people stare. Today, she wore a pair of baggy, ripped up jeans that were barely staying on her curvy figure with the aid of a black studded belt. Hence, her long legs were concealed. But they truly were a sight that made many males stop in their tracks. Her shirt was a simple black tank top with a back made of black lace, and Kagome could only guess she was wearing a "stick-on" bra for that little number.

Neither of the girls wore too much make up. Bri wore no liner, only a bit of light brown shadow and some gloss. The other girl wore a thin line of magenta liner on her top lid and a much thicker line of black on the bottom, a touch of Strawberry flavored gloss to top it off.

"Wow, thanks Sango." Kagome's sarcasm wasn't lost to either of the two girls and they practically tackled her to the ground again before the three of them began walking towards the front of the small school once more.

"No prob Kags!" Kagome looked up at the other girl with a quirked eyebrow.

"Alright Sango. Spill. You're never this bouncy in the morning." Bri looked up at Sango as well from the other side of Kagome, also looking quite puzzled.

"Yeah, usually you're beating the crap out of your cousin to vent your frustration towards school."

"Speaking of which, where is the little..." Kagome sighed and nudged Sango in the ribs with her elbow.

"You're supposed to be answering a question doink." Sango quickly shut her mouth and continued to look straight ahead, a fine sprinkle of pink appearing high on her cheeks. Suddenly, Kagome broke into a mischevious grin.

"Oh, I see. So who is he?" Sango's blush deepened as Bri's eyes widened and she leaned over more to see her face.

"I don't know what you're talking about Kags."

"Uh huh, and I don't love food." At this, all three girls laughed. For it was common knowledge that Kagome Higurashi could eat more than most boys in their school.

Including Sesshoumaru.

"Look, the only time when you get that look on your face is when..."

"Ack! Sango look out!" Kagome barely had time to blink before Sango and Bri had jumped away from her and yet another body slammed into her from behind, arms coming to encircle her waist before she was being spun around in circles. Kagome found herself laughing along with the person spinning her.

For without looking or hearing his warm laughter, she knew who it was.

He finally stopped and set her on her feet once more, not removing his arms from around her waist just in case she was too dizzy to stand. But he finally loosened his hold as she turned and looked up at him with a bright smile, looking much happier than he'd seen her in the last few days.

"Yasha!" She jumped up and wrapped her arms around his neck in a strong hug, making him laugh as he returned the hug and lifted her off the ground making her laugh harder.

"Jeeze Inuyasha, try warning us before you do that!" Sango stuck out her tongue at him, making Kagome giggle at her friends antics as Inuyasha once more set her on her feet.

"Well ya know what? That's bit hard since whenever I try to do that, all three of you are so close together." Sango frowned.

"You could at least give us some sort of signal." Inuyasha grinned in his gruff way, not once removing his arms from their place around Kagome.

Kagome found she didn't mind either.

"You know, you two really need to get together. There's already enough people who think you are." Kagome blinked innocently as she looked over at Bri, seeing a very wide smile on the other girl's face. But as she opened her mouth to say something, Inuyasha beat her to it.

"I'm not...stable enough to support a girl right now." Kagome blinked again and looked up at Inuyasha, her eyes puzzled. But when she saw a look she knew all too well in his eyes, Kagome smiled softly and hugged him once more, earning another squeeze in return.

'Poor guy. He really is having issues right now. I just wish I could help.'

Inuyasha and Kagome had only been friends for about two years, but to them it seemed like they'd known each other forever. At first, neither had known what to think of each other when they'd been placed in English together. Kagome was loud, unabashed when it came to saying what she thought of the teacher or lesson, and was often sent to sit in the back of the room. Actually, she was sent there so much that she finally just ended up sitting back there for good with two other students. Half way through the year, or a little less, Inuyasha somehow found himself in the back the other three, always sitting directly in front of Kagome.

Within a few days, they were close friends.

Whenever they'd see each other outside of class, one or the other would run over and deliver a hug before running off again to hang out with their other friends. There were few times when they weren't laughing about something when they were together, and surprisingly enough, Kagome found she didn't argue with him like she did with the rest of the world. Instead, the few arguments they had were good natured and only when Kagome said something to "put herself down" as Inuyasha said.

The harmony they had was strange for anyone who knew them, but a more than welcome change for both Kagome and Inuyasha.

"Hey, don't you guys have a concert this week?" Kagome nodded, still noticing that Inuyasha still had his arms around her as she answered.

"Yeah, just a little one. I'm kinda worried though cause on of the Soprano girls is..." Kagome continued to explain her worries for the upcoming concert, feeling Inuyasha lean over a little so that his chin rested on top of her head.

To anyone walking by, it was like watching a couple who'd been together for some time. Even to Sesshoumaru.

He'd been walking with Miroku towards the cafeteria, completely set on getting something in his stomach before class started, when he'd heard a familiar laugh. Without a word to Miroku, Sesshoumaru had simply stopped and turned around. His eyes widened marginally at what he saw.

Kagome, who barely let out a light giggle most of the time, was laughing so brightly that light seemed to radiate from her spinning form. When he caught glimpses of her face, her expression startled him. Again, the lost look from a week before came to mind and he felt himself becoming utterly shocked that he was looking at the same girl. Her smile was wide and true, even as the person spinning her set her on her feet. For a moment, she looked like she might fall but the boy holding her kept her steady, making Kagome smile up at him. From where he stood, Sesshoumaru could only see the young man's back. He was taller than Kagome by about a head and half, hell nearly everyone was, and he had hair like his own but chopped so that it barely reached his chin in messy clumps, looking as though it hadn't been brushed properly. He was lean, but muscular, and Sesshoumaru couldn't help but think that he could floor the kid in a few seconds.

"Yo Maru! Are you okay man?" Sesshoumaru didn't look away, didn't acknowledge Miroku who was now finally looking towards wherever Sesshoumaru's attention had been drawn.Yeah, it was Kagome. So what? Sesshoumaru saw enough of her as it was!

Sesshoumaru, for almost no reason at all, suddenly felt anger boil under his skin. Watching her laugh so easily with the guy she'd known for a much shorter time than he, smile like her life was perfect, and blush like she was infatuated with the boy, Sesshoumaru could only deal with the petty, stinging emotion of jealousy. Oh yes, he was certainly jealous. He'd always been a bit of a jealous person before he'd come here. But when it came to who he was now, and who he was currently staring at with narrowed eyes, jealousy had become much stronger in his life.

"Sesshoumaru, are you jealous?" Even though he himself had admitted the jealously, hearing it from someone else's mouth fueled his anger more and he clenched his fist while fighting the urge to hit something, or someone.

"No."

"Hmmm, seems like it to me."

"Miroku, you can barely tell when you're hungry. How the hell do you think you can tell I'm jealous?" Miroku shrugged.

"Well if the fact that you're glaring daggers at the guy holding Kagome says anything..."

"I am not glaring daggers you idiot."

"Are too."

"Hn." Sesshoumaru refrained from arguing about the matter further as he continued to watch Kagome smile like the world was a beautiful place.

Suddenly, he could see both Kagome and the young man stiffen before Kagome loosened slightly and the boy spoke. Somehow, as though his hearing had suddenly become like that of a predator, he could hear what was being said.

"I'm not...stable enough to support a girl right now."

Not stable? What the hell was the kid talking about? Sesshoumaru quirked an eyebrow even in his ire, watching as Kagome looked up at the guy with an expression on her face that could only be taken as pity. She pitied him? Why? He seemed like an attention wanting little prick to Sesshoumaru. As he watched, her friends asked her another question and Kagome started talking once again, completely content with letting the boy hold her as she did so.

But suddenly, she stopped and stiffened.

Kagome had felt eyes on her for awhile, but it was nothing new. After all, her friends alone were enough to attract attention. But suddenly the feeling of eyes on her grew so intense that she could only guess that whoever it was had been merely looking at her before. Now, they were glaring. Heatedly. But who would glare at her in such a way? Surprising herself and everyone around her, she turned and looked over Inuyasha's shoulder.

It was with wide eyes that she discovered who was glaring at her.

He stood maybe about a hundred feet away, his posture rigid as he stood next to his friend Miroku, who was also looking at her but in such a bored fashion that she wanted to kick him. But her eyes remained locked on Sesshoumaru's, and she visibly winced when he narrowed his eyes further, the intensity in that gaze nearly searing into her soul. But why was he glaring at her like that? Had she'd said something wrong earlier? Suddenly, something clicked in Kagome's brain and she nearly groaned.

She still had Sesshoumaru's coat.

Looking up at Inuyasha, she gave him a warm smile before removing his hands from her waist and dropping her bag to the ground before removing the long, black coat and running over to where Sesshoumaru stood. She'd noticed he'd quirked an eyebrow when she'd reached him, something he did when he was either angry or amused. But he most certainly wasn't amused if his stone-cold expression said anything. That look was enough for her to look down at her shoes.

"Sorry! I guess I got lost in my thoughts again!" She handed him the coat, expecting him to grab it from her hands immediately. But when he didn't, she looked up to see him looking down at her with a fierce look in his eyes. Why was he looking at her like that? Before she had the chance to ask, he reached out and snatched the coat roughly from her grasp and turned away from her as he shrugged it on.

"Plan on catching the bus, because I'm not giving you a ride." But that isn't what Kagome heard. What she heard, what she knew he meant, was something entirely different.

_"Stay the hell away from me."_

Before she could react, her knees gave out and Kagome found herself on the ground. A horrible sinking feeling erupted in her gut, and the all too familiar sting of tears burned her eyes. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she registered the voices of her friends calling out to her and their rushed footsteps as they gathered around her.

But she didn't acknowledge them.

'Sesshoumaru...why? What did I do?' By now, he had gone inside the cafeteria with Miroku, leaving her surrounded by her friends and schoolmates who were in shock about what had just happened. It was well known how close Sesshoumaru and Kagome were. Even friends she really didn't hang out with anymore began to come over and try to make her acknowledge them, but she simply kept staring in the direction that Sesshoumaru had gone.

She'd rarely seen him like that, with his eyes so angry. She'd always known he held an angry soul, angry at the whole world it seemed lately. But very few times, less than she could count on one finger, had she'd seen that look directed at her. The difference between those times and now was that then, she'd known what she'd done or said. But now, she had absolutely no clue and that fact made her chest clench and her eyes burn just a little bit more. Did he hate here? If he did, then why would he suddenly hate her after being so...kinda this morning? Why did he have to be so damned confusing!

At that last question, Kagome's dam on her emotions cracked and a keening cry rose in her throat before she could stop it. She just wanted to huddle in on herself and cry as she sat there on her knees. But just as she leaned foward, Inuyasha had leaned down and was lifting her up to her feet, asking what had happened. She looked up at him, seeing those bright, honey colored orbs that she could've sworn were made from the sun itself.

They were so much like Sesshoumaru's.

'Sesshoumaru...' She sobbed quietly before pushing herself past his arms and to his chest as she grasped his red hoodie tightly and cried into it. At first, he seemed shocked that she'd immediately grasped him over her friends. But suddenly, and without hesitation, Inuyasha wrapped his arms around her in an embrace that made her dam completely fall apart.

For she also fell apart in that moment.

If there was one person's opinion of her she cared about most, it was Sesshoumaru's. If there was one person's good side she wanted to remain on forever, it was Sesshoumaru's. If there was one person's heart she wanted, it was Sesshoumaru's. She didn't know if her opinion mattered to him, she knew he was one her good side even know, and even though he put her through hell and left her confused at every turn, Sesshoumaru had her heart whether he wanted it or not.

"Kagome, do you wanna leave?" She nodded without hesitation. She didn't want to be here with the rumors, be here with teachers who didn't understand a damn thing, and she certainly didn't want to be here where Sesshoumaru could see her like this. She felt Inuyasha beginning to move and she tried to move as well, but for some reason her legs disobeyed her.

It didn't phase Inuyasha. He picked her up bridal style, as gently as possible, and made his way through the throng of people surrounding them, not letting anyone near her. To the side, he could see Kagura and her minions giggling their fool heads off. One caught his eye and winked, but he snorted and kept walking.

Honestly, most girls were completely disgusting around here.

Kagome's hands were still buried in his hoodie, her sobs still making her form shake as he began to feel the tears on his neck. If there was anyone he wanted to see happy, it was Kagome. She was so much like him in so many ways. She hid her sadness, her pain, behind a mask of false happiness. The first time he'd seen her was in his Freshmen year, and he'd immediately seen right through the mask. He'd seen the Kagome that was viewable right now. Behind the mask, she was screaming. Behind the mask, she was crying. Behind the mask, she was dying. Yes, dying. He could see her losing herself gradually over time, not knowing what was real or false anymore. But there was something that angered him about the whole thing. Something that made him want to throw up his hands in frustration and shout.

He knew all too well who it was that made Kagome into the person she was today. He knew all too well she wasn't going to let the guy go either. He knew all too well about the broken heart she held together with mental heavy-duty packing tape. It angered him that she'd simply let this guy, Sesshoumaru, break her into little pieces over and over again. At this rate, she really would lose herself beneath the mask.

But what made him sad was the fact that no one but him would notice.

She could hide the pain from everyone but him, he saw her beneath it all. There were rare times, such as earlier when he'd first spun her around in his arms, when she was happy. Truly happy. Happy enough to let the Kagome he wanted to save out of her shell. He remembered seeing pictures of her before Sesshoumaru had come into it all, and then comparing them side by side to more recent photos.

She was almost unrecognizable.

True, she had never gone into details about what had all happened and he really didn't want to prod. But what he'd gathered from her friends and people he knew, it was enough to understand a minimal amount of the hell she'd been feeling. As he lifted her into the passenger seat of his truck, Inuyasha admitted full heartedly that he'd never want to feel what she'd been dealing with. The betrayal, the sadness, and the hatred of one's self.

Again, a single thought rang out in his mind as he climbed in beside her.

If there was one thing he'd wish for, if there was thing he wanted above all else, it was to see the girl beside him find happiness.

:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:

Wow...90 of this chapter was written in one day. I'm damned proud of myself! XD

It's a little shorter than usual, but I felt like this was a good place to stop. I finally introduced some familiar faces, even though their OOC. But their characters will be far more refined soon enough. I'm on a roll and I'm not about to stop for the day. I mean come on, it's not even 1pm. There's no way in hell I'm gonna stop after I wrote this much already.

But for those of you who don't know, the relationship this is based on is once again confusing the hell out of me. For a slight look into my chaotic mind, you can read my Myspace blog or my DeviantArt journal. My Myspace is easy enough to find, just go to search and look up my e-mail. also have accounts on Myspace for my videos. (AMV's, parodies, etc.) So if you want those, just let me know and I'll tell ya the e-mails for those too.

Ja ne minna!

-Blue


	4. Chapter 4

Sometimes You Just Gotta Say "HUH!"

Chapter Four

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own the Inuyasha series. If I did, and I say this   
for what may be the tenth time, Sesshoumaru would be chained to my bed  
wearing nothing but what he needs to wear.

If you catch my drift…muhahahaha!

:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:

"Yield now."

"Never! Not to you!"

"Yield or face the consequences."

"And what kind of consequences can you deal upon me?"

"You don't want to know. So yield."

"Hmmm, let me think…no." His frown was almost enough to make her reconsider  
her actions. With his fearsome ire she'd seen only once before and the  
heated, golden glare that was so much like…

'No! Don't think about him!' A bitter growl rose up in her throat then,  
barely covering the heartbroken whimper that had been lingering at the top  
of her throat for nearly a week now. Was that natural? She didn't think so.  
In her opinion, the whole thing was downright unatural. How could one person   
rule another's heart and emotions so easily and not even know? How could  
someone let themselves fall into such a dangerous position as this?

Kagome didn't know and she didn't think she ever would.

"Kags? Are you alive in there?" Turning her head away from the television  
screen, having found it paused, she smiled faintly at the person next to  
her.

"Sorry Yasha, guess I blanked out again. I seem to be doing that a lot   
lately." Again he frowned, but not as he had before. He looked concerned,  
deeply concerned, and Kagome felt her chest hitch. Would he make her talk  
about it again? Didn't he know it hurt enough to think about it? Even for a  
second? But he seemed to realize it was a bad idea to talk about that.

"Keh, you've been a "space-case" since the day I met you. I don't see why   
you would change now." Not for the first time, Kagome felt extremely  
grateful that she'd befriended Inuyasha. Sure, he may be gruff and sometimes  
extremely rude and crude, but he was there for her when everyone else didn't  
want to "deal" with her. Most of her friends didn't understand, most of her  
friends loved to tease them, and most of her friends didn't know that over   
the short time she'd known him, Kagome had fallen for Inuyasha.

Not as hard as she'd fallen for Him, but that was besides the fact.

"Yeah, and you've always been a pain in the rear. So shut up and let's  
continue the damn game."

"Fine with me. I was rubbing your pretty little face in the dirt before went  
all 'bleh' on me."

"What! How do get that you were, and I quote, 'rubbing my pretty little  
face in the…" Suddenly, something clicked and Kagome knew for a fact that  
her eyes had just widened marginally.

"Inuyasha…" He must have realized what he'd said because a rosy flush  
erupted on his cheeks while his expression looked as arrogant as ever.

"Keh, what do you want now?"

"Do you really think I'm pretty?" His eyes widened at her quiet question,  
the flush growing as well, and Kagome waited with barely contained curiosity  
as he remained silent. Both sat rigid on the large couch in Inuyasha's   
living room, both looking as though they were holding in a rather loud belch  
was close to getting the best of them.

But the silence and baited breath was thrown out the window when a loud slam   
echoed in the large house, causing both blushing teens to look away from  
each other so fast that Kagome could've sworn she heard several pops come  
from her neck.

"Oi Inu! What's with the retarded parking job outside?" Kagome blinked as a   
smaller boy walked into the room, a backpack still over his shoulder as he  
rotated the other in an effort to loosen it. He looked to be about twelve or  
thirteen, fiery auburn hair pulled into a low ponytail at the base of his  
neck. He was a skinny boy, but not so skinny that he looked malnourished.  
Kagome knew for a fact, even if he didn't have a baseball bat poking out of  
his bag, that he was athletic. After all, she went to nearly all of his   
games despite how much her mother thought it was a waste of time.

"Shippo! I thought you had practice today!" The boy, now know as Shippo,  
blinked innocently in Kagome's direction, not having noticed she was there  
before she spoke.

"Yeah brat, you're supposed to have practice all week. Did you bail or   
something?"

"No! They cancelled practice at the last minute and I barely made it on the  
bus for you information!" He stuck out his tongue at Inuyasha, who simply  
snorted and leaned back into the couch, setting the video game controller on  
his lap before crossing his arms behind his head.

"Well, I guess that means you're gonna hang out with us today then."  
Inuyasha groaned loudly, obviously stating his protests, but Kagome simply   
rolled her eyes and smiled at the youngest of the three.

"Sweet! Can we go somewhere though? Cause the house is really boring."   
Kagome happily agreed.

Although the house was rather large, had its own arcade, and enough junk  
food to last them the next month, the house gave off a professional  
atmosphere. Their parents, who had adopted both of them on the same day  
eight years ago, were very caring towards their three children but were   
unfortunately never home. Always away on business, the Taski's were probably  
two of the hardest working people Kagome knew.

"Keh, where do you expect us to go runt? There's nothing to do here. We're  
not living in the city anymore." Again, Shippo's tongue found itself exposed  
to the outside world.

"Duh! I know that Inuyasha! But we can at least go to the track and see  
what's going on down there!"

"Yeah, but you know that…" Kagome felt her breath hitch in her chest again  
at Shippo's suggestion. The racetrack was probably one of the most popular  
places in the small county they lived in. If you wanted to find someone  
after school was out, the racetrack was the first place you'd go. Any kid  
with a brainstem went there.

Including Sesshoumaru.

"…and not to mention I have to pull more money out of my pocket to pay for  
the gas. Shippo, can't we just…"

"No way! I wanna go see if…"

"We'll go. Shippo's ideas are usually really good." Inuyasha turned and gave  
her one of his looks, clearly asking a question.

"Are you sure you want to face him so soon?"

But he didn't ask it out loud, and she smiled softly at him. It wasn't  
reassuring, it wasn't strong, but it was enough to make him melt on the  
inside and cause all his excuses to not go to disappear. She seemed to have  
some uncanny ability to make him bend to her will. How she did it, he'd  
never know. But it was enough to make him mentally scratch his head in   
confusion.  
In some ways, it was rather funny.

"Keh, fine, We'll go to the stupid racetrack so Shippo will finally shut his  
yap." Shippo let out a loud "whoop" of victory before running out the door  
with his backpack, baseball bat and all, still on his back. He honestly had  
no idea just what he was about to get them into.

But then again, neither did Sesshoumaru.

"Come on Maru! You know you want to! Besides, you've been moping around this  
place for days. What the hell is wrong with you man?" He didn't even look  
behind him at Miroku as he spoke, instead keeping his eyes locked on his  
computer screen with a heavy frown upon his features.

"There's no point to it. You and I both know I'll drown the rest of the  
idiots in my dust."

"Exactly! It's called 'showing off' and you need to start doing it again!"  
This time, he turned a tiny bit and quirked an eyebrow at the nuisance  
behind him.

"Really now? And make myself look even more like an ass? No thank you, I'm   
set for the moment." Miroku groaned loudly and flopped back onto the bed  
dejectedly. Honestly, how long was the jerk gonna stay in this isolated  
"depression" of his? Miroku only called it a "depression" because that's the  
only thing he could. It wasn't like Sesshoumaru to sit at home, by will, and  
not go racing or partying. It wasn't like Sesshoumaru to not hit on females.  
Not like did, mind you. But Sesshoumaru was still a pathological flirt, just  
not as obvious as Miroku himself was.

"Damn it, you're becoming a real bore lately Sesshoumaru."

"Hmph."

"Seriously! All you do is sit at home on your damn computer lately! What the  
hell has gotten into you? Did you eat something weird!" Miroku sat back up   
and threw up his hands in frustration, to further press the point. But  
Sesshoumaru didn't even turn around. Instead, he kept reading the purple  
text of a familiar blog. Sure, he was listening. He just didn't care.

"I didn't eat anything weird. I've barely eaten anything. So that's out of  
the question." He managed to read about half of the next paragraph before  
Miroku spoke again.

"Wait…you…haven't eaten much?"

"Yes, I just said so." There was another long silence.

"Okay seriously man, who the fuck are you and where the hell is Sesshoumaru?  
You didn't lock him in your "Dungeon of Pleasure" and rape him before  
killing him did you? Cause if I know that bastard like I think I do…"

"Miroku, shut up." He did. For three seconds.

"Nevermind, it's you."

"Shut up or I throw you out the window."

"Why? It's not like you're doing anything important and…"

"Miroku. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Simple as that." Miroku frowned, but wisely   
chose to remain silent as he glared at the back of Sesshoumaru's head.  
Honestly, the guy must have a stick shoved his rear lately to be the way he  
is.

Sesshoumaru himself knew that he was acting abnormal, but found that he  
didn't care. At all. He barely cared before now. But when one discovers that  
most of the school considers you an above average jerk, on begins to care.

But he had to admit; he really had been an ass.

He continued reading the online blog, not at all shocked about what he read   
during some parts. But this wasn't the first entry he'd read today. In fact,  
he'd gone back and read the entries for the last few weeks. Nearly a month's  
worth of entries. His opinion on them…

…He needed to read these things of hers more often.

In a matter of hours, Sesshoumaru had discovered that the best way to get to  
know your worst faults are to see them written in other peoples words. For  
instance, he knew that he sometimes clenched his fists when he was angry.  
What he didn't know was that he tended to sigh a lot. Loudly. There were so  
many little things that she'd pointed out about him that he'd never given a  
second thought to. It really was quite strange to read.

But that wasn't what made him keep reading.

No it was the fact that ever though it was written in the style of a   
published author, detailed and long, these entries were her feelings, raw  
and uncensored. Anything he'd wanted to know about her feelings towards him  
was answered, a little too truthfully sometimes. For example, her exact  
words about his smoking habits were "I hate it when he smokes. It's like   
watching him kill himself a little more each time. It's like he's committing  
suicide and leaving me behind."

Yes, he'd have to see about quitting now.

"Sesshoumaru, I'm going to the track. If you're coming, I'd suggest coming  
with me." He didn't even bother to look away from the screen as he spoke,  
again.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, your dad just pulled up and…"

"We're leaving." Miroku made a triumphant sound behind him as he stood, but   
Sesshoumaru found he didn't care. After reading into Kagome's thoughts for a  
few hours, he was beyond caring about anything other than rectifying his  
mistakes. Thinking back now as he stretched and walked towards the door,  
with Miroku right behind him, he really needed to work on this issue with  
his jealousy. One problem was that it made it entirely too obvious how he  
felt about someone or something. Another problem, it made him look like even  
more of a jerk than he already was. The final problem though was the worst.

When his jealousy took over, so did his anger. His anger was what repeatedly  
beat Kagome into the ground with words alone. In the most basic way, his  
jealousy hurt others. Especially Kagome.

'Yes, I have several things to work on. First things first, jealousy and  
smoking.'

"Hey Maru, are you gonna race if there's an opening?" Sesshoumaru shrugged   
as they walked out the door, passing his father without a word to the older  
male.

"Probably. It'll give me something to do while you're out harassing the  
female population once again." Miroku snorted.

"I'm not that bad. Besides, I don't get nearly as many girls as you do. So  
you really have no room to talk."

"Not exactly. You harass. I seduce. Big difference." Miroku chuckled lightly  
as they walked down the driveway to their cars.

"Really? Well then enlighten me on this difference! Cause with the way you  
go about it, you could be harassing them too."

"Miroku, you run up to a girl and immediately think it's okay to grab her  
ass. I think that qualifies as harassment." Again, Miroku chuckled and  
reached for the jingling keys in his pocket.

"No, it's simply a study." Sesshoumaru quirked an eyebrow this time as he  
opened the driver side door of his Nova.

"A study? Of what?" Miroku grinned brightly as he got down into his own car.

"Why, a study of the female body of course." Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes   
before shoving his keys in the ignition. If there was ever a pervert  
deserving of a trophy for his efforts, it was Miroku, AKA "The Man Who Loves  
Butts" as many people at their high school called him.

'If he doesn't watch it, one of these girls is really going to mess him up.'

So with a shake of his silvery head, Sesshoumaru backed out of the driveway  
and headed towards the racetrack, knowing that once again there wouldn't be  
any competition. Sure, there might be entertainment. But it was highly   
unlikely that any sort of competition would exist in this place he knew as  
"Hell on Earth".

But where as Sesshoumaru willingly decided to race, Inuyasha was a whole  
other matter on his own.

"Come on Yasha! Shippo says you can race! That means you have to step up!"

"No, it doesn't. It means that some people need to shut their big mouths and  
hope that I don't…"

"Please Yasha! I won't annoy you for the rest of the day!" He somehow he  
knew that she was giving him her best set of puppy eyes, something he  
couldn't fight against, and he forced himself to keep looking towards the  
future. Yes, the relatively boring racetrack. That would do.

"Keh."

"Fine! I won't annoy you tomorrow either!" This time, he actually quirked an  
eyebrow as he avoided her gaze.

"You and I both know that…"

"Tomorrow and the day after." This time he blinked as he turned towards the  
rear entrance of the track.

"What?"

"I won't annoy you for the rest of today, tomorrow, or the day after that.  
But that means that you have to race! No backing out or I'll annoy you even  
more than usual."

"Kagome, I don't think that's a good idea…"

"Deal. But if you forget and actually annoy me, the consequences will be…"

"Blah, blah, and more blah. I get the point. Just get us to the damn track  
already!" Inuyasha chuckled at her obvious impatience. But at the same time,  
he couldn't help but wonder if her cheery exterior was actually hiding a  
near panicked interior.

After all, it was no secret that Sesshoumaru loved to race whenever he got  
the chance, legal or not. Therefore, it was safe to assume that he'd be at  
the track and most likely with a female, or females, on his arm. Another   
well-known "not-so-secret" secret about Sesshoumaru was that he was rarely  
seen without the presence of a single female or more. But more than often,  
one of those females found themselves a lot closer to him than the others.

The closeness was more than enough to crush Kagome into little pieces.

When he'd asked her why, she'd simply told him with a rueful smile that she   
hated having thoughts about how he'd moved on and forgotten her, even though  
she still lingered in the past. Their past. She was almost bitter when she  
spoke of it. Again, he asked her about that. She said her bitterness was  
towards herself for reaching for and unattainable dream that had long ago  
escaped her. It was then, as he'd calmed her in the quiet of his bedroom,  
that he realized something that made his insides twist horribly for some   
unknown reason.

Kagome was deeply in love with Sesshoumaru.

Thinking back, he should've realized it from the start because of how  
obvious it was. But to this day, he still had no clue why his insides  
twisted and his heart felt like it was being crushed whenever he truly  
thought about the matter. It was a rather peculiar thing for him, to feel  
something so violent towards a close friend. Maybe it was because he cared  
for her happiness. Perhaps it was the fact that in a world so full of   
corruption, Kagome was still strangely innocent and oblivious to most of the  
world's cruelties.

Or could it be, by some long shot, he had fallen for the girl. No, that  
wasn't it. The definitely wasn't it.

But he mentally shook his head and reverted his thoughts back to the enigma  
that was Kagome and Sesshoumaru. He knew Kagome loved Sesshoumaru, almost  
anyone who knew her did, but the biggest question was why? Also, even though   
she loved him, did Sesshoumaru care about Kagome at all? From what he'd seen  
so far, Inuyasha didn't think he did.

'He's a downright bastard if you ask me.'

As far as he, Inuyasha, had seen, Sesshoumaru treated Kagome like dirt. They  
argued constantly about the smallest things, and more than often Sesshoumaru   
would make small comments about one thing or another that he found funny,  
when in fact they left Kagome in tears when she was alone. He didn't know if  
Sesshoumaru knew what he did, but he knew that someday he'd show him. He had  
to. Or Kagome would just keep getting hurt unless she gave him up, which  
didn't seem very likely. More than likely, she'd follow him to the end of   
the world and destroy herself in the process.

The thought was enough to make him wince.

"Are you okay Yasha?" He blinked twice, not exactly sure why he suddenly  
felt guilty, but nodded all the same.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Kagome shrugged and leaned back in the passenger seat, her  
anxiety palpable in the large truck.

"Good, at least one of us is." She said it in an undertone, as though she  
meant for no one else to hear her say it, but he heard her all the same and  
it made him worry. Usually, her anxiety was well covered by her mask of  
false cheeriness. But for her to openly say she wasn't "fine", even if was  
in an undertone, made things that much harder for him to handle. Honestly,  
Inuyasha didn't think that he could handle seeing Kagome broken by  
Sesshoumaru again.

It was a sight that tugged at his very soul.

"Hey check it out! A Nova!" He felt more than heard Kagome's harsh intake  
of breath when Shippo pointed out the passenger window from his place in the  
back. For sure enough, Sesshoumaru's Nova was parked under the shade of a   
large tree, its black paint job shining in the dim light.

"Kagome!"

"Kags!" Kagome jumped visibly in her seat, but smiled a little too brightly  
when she spotted two familiar faces running towards the truck as it slowly  
made its way through the crowd.

"Hey guys! Have there been any good races yet?" Sango scrunched up her nose  
a little as the girls came up alongside of the truck and walked beside it.

"No, the track isn't even ready for us. Plus, their still taking names for  
racers. Hey! Are any of you gonna race!" Kagome nodded.

"Yasha is!" Both of the other girls blinked.

"Um…"

"Kags, what exactly is he supposed to race in?" Kagome blinked this time,  
clearly taken aback by the question before her face crumbled into a deep   
frown.

"Damn it! I totally didn't think about that." Everyone laughed loudly,  
causing many people around them to turn and look with raised eyebrows.

Sesshoumaru included.

'She's actually here?' He was shocked. Hands down shocked. Normally when   
they were in an argument or anything of the sort, she avoided the track like  
the plague. To see her there now, and in the passenger seat of Inuyasha  
Taski's truck made his normally calm expression register complete shock.

"Hey Maru, did you just see…woah, are you okay man?" Sesshoumaru blinked,  
but didn't look away from Kagome as the truck stopped and she jumped down   
gracefully.

"Fine."

"Are you sure? You look like someone just shot you in the ass and forgot to  
warn you about the painful side affects."

"I said I'm fine." He said this even as Kagome turned away from her friends  
and saw him, gold locked with sapphire blue. Her eyes were wide, pained   
almost, and her mouth was slightly open in a silent gasp.

But something was off.

The very way Kagome held herself was off. When she normally stood with a  
strong, confident posture, she now stood as though a big enough breeze would  
send her to the ground. Her normally shining hair was dull and up in a  
ponytail that looked as though she hadn't even brushed it before hand. Her  
face, having been pale before, was now unhealthily pale and it sent a hot,   
fiery shock of concern into his gut. Dark circles were beneath her dull  
looking eyes, and she wore no make up. Her clothes were baggy, more so than  
usual, and much shabbier than what she normally wore.

Sesshoumaru had seen her like this before, and had hoped never to see her in  
this condition again.

Suddenly, as a telling brightness erupted in her gaze, she turned and walked   
away from him, down a hill that led to a shaded picnic area people could  
watch the races from. All the people around her were rather shocked about  
her sudden actions. All except Inuyasha, who had turned and given  
Sesshoumaru a frosty glare when she'd walked away.

'So, the little prat blames me for her sudden departure? Ridiculous.' But  
somewhere inside him, something told him it was his fault.

In fact, he knew it was his fault.

'I knew it was a bad idea to come here.' Kagome could feel her eyes stinging  
with unshed tears that she thought would remain locked away. But apparently  
she was wrong.

She hadn't been ready to face him.

She knew her friends were confused, probably looking for her already, but at  
the moment she found she didn't care. She just wanted to be left alone.  
Alone to think. Alone to cry.

"Kagome!" At the sudden of her name, she quickened her pace. No, she just  
wanted to be alone.

"Damn it Kagome! Slow down!" That was enough for her. Feeling a sudden urge  
to get away from it all, Kagome took of in a sprint. People she passed gave  
her confused looks. After all, it must be rather odd to see a teenage girl  
running as if her very life was at stake, with tears flowing down her face.  
She continued running, taking a sharp turn here and there before jumping   
over an old bench someone had probably kicked over. But before she could  
continue her sprint once more, a pair of strong arms wrapped around her,  
pinning her arms to her sides and keeping her in place.

"Let me go! Leave me alone!" But the arms wrapped tighter instead as she  
attempted to pull herself free.

"No Kagome, I won't let you deal with this by yourself anymore. I'm here  
now." As those soft words were spoken, something broke inside Kagome. A dam,  
forged by her will alone, broke and the tears that had already been running  
down her cheeks seemed to sudden pour from her eyes. A tiny, keening cry   
began in her throat as her body went limp. Then, she let out a single,  
broken sob before turning and burying her face into Inuyasha's hoodie.

"Just cry Kagome. No one else is here." And she did. She cried as though her  
entire soul was being torn in two, her hands fisting in the cloth of  
Inuyasha's hoodie.

But Inuyasha had been wrong about anyone else being there with them.

Jealousy didn't seem to exist as he watched her cry in Inuyasha's arms. Her  
sobs, which were just loud enough for him to hear, tore at him more than he  
ever thought possible. Each one seemed to rip a piece of his soul away from  
the whole. But what tore at him the most, now more than ever, was the fact  
that it had been him to cause this.

He was causing Kagome's pain.

"Kagome, why can't you just let go of him?" Sesshoumaru could feel anger  
boil under his skin, but it was barely there. She continued to cry hard for  
a few moments before she finally calmed herself enough to speak.

"I don't know…he…I…I love him too much to let him go…"She let out a keening  
cry as though she was being stabbed through the heart when she finished  
saying this, But as she cried once more, she spoke another sentence that  
made his insides twist. "But…he doesn't care…he never has…"

'That's not true…I've cared all along…' At that moment, all he wanted to do  
was to run over there, pull her away from Inuyasha, and fall to his knees   
before her and tell her what she said was wrong. But something held him  
there. Was it his pride? Or was it because he knew she wouldn't believe him  
at this point? But before he could think on it any further, the intercom  
rang out across the grounds of the track, making all three of them jump  
slightly.

"Will Kagome Higurashi please report to the tower? Kagome to the tower   
please!" Kagome's crying ceased almost at once and she backed away from  
Inuyasha before running her black sleeve over her face several times to rid  
herself of the tears. As she finished, she looked up at Inuyasha with a soft  
smile.

"Well, do I still look like a drowned rat?" Inuyasha smiled down at her. But   
what happened next ignited Sesshoumaru's anger so abruptly that he nearly  
doubled over with its intensity.

It was as if time had slowed. Inuyasha's hands came up and cupped Kagome's   
face softly as he leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers. For a  
moment, they stayed that way as Inuyasha caressed her cheek with his thumb.  
Then, Sesshoumaru's insides seem to turn to hot lead as Inuyasha lowered his  
face and pressed his lips gently against Kagome's. At first, her eyes  
widened in shock and her entire body went rigid. But her shock faded, and  
much to Sesshoumaru's dismay, her eyes closed and she melted into Inuyasha's  
kiss.

'Inuyasha…' She felt all her sadness evaporate as she closed her eyes.  
Inuyasha, who'd been so gentle with her over the last week, seemed to triple  
that gentleness with his kiss. It was unlike anything she'd ever known   
before. It wasn't a burning, "for the hell of it" kiss. It didn't make her  
ask twenty questions within her mind. There was something deeper than just a  
mutual crush between the two of them in this kiss.

'Is it possible, that behind his gruff exterior…Inuyasha fell for me too?'  
The thought caused a warm feeling to erupt in her chest and she leaned into  
his kiss even more, shocking him enough that she felt him tense. But he  
relaxed again and she could have sworn he was about to deepen the kiss but,   
as fate would have it, someone cleared his or her throat rather loudly from  
behind him.

"No wonder you didn't come straight to the tower." Inuyasha stood upright  
faster than Kagome thought physically possible, a red flush painted across  
his cheeks.

"Bri! Don't scare me like that!" Brianna laughed loudly from wear she stood,  
wearing a pair of boy's swim trunks and a black tank top.

"So am I allowed to tell Sango you two are together? You know, she's been  
waiting for it for a long time." Kagome blushed a little at this, but  
continued to smile as she answered.

"I don't know…" She looked up at Inuyasha with her soft smile still on her  
face, "are we together?"

Inuyasha looked shocked for a moment, but that didn't last long before he  
smiled in his gruff way and laughed quietly.

"Do you honestly have to ask?" Kagome laughed within before turning to  
Brianna and giving her the biggest smile that anyone had seen on her face in  
a long time.

"Just tell her not to tease Inuyasha. You know how much he hates that."   
Brianna let out a triumphant yell as the three turned and ran towards the  
tower in the distance, Brianna explaining that the track's recording of the  
national anthem was missing and she recommended Kagome to sing it.

But as the three of them jumped over the bench Kagome and Inuyasha  
originally had, the unknown fourth remained still.

Leaning against the chain-linked fence, Sesshoumaru found he couldn't feel  
anger. He couldn't feel anything. He simply felt hollow. Inside, he knew he  
deserved what he was getting. He deserved to lose her, her deserved to  
regret, and he deserved to be in pain. For slowly, the numbness in his body   
began to wear off and a pain he'd never known settled in. Was this what  
Kagome had gone through so many times? Was this what she had to endure  
because of him?

If it was, he vowed never to cause her grief again. For the pain was nearly   
unbearable.

'How could I never realize how much pain she was in?' He knew it was far too  
late to be asking that question. For the first time, Kagome was beyond his  
reach. Before now, her other boyfriends were basically jokes that she still   
laughed at to this day. Sure, Hojo had struck a chord in her but he'd  
screwed up. The rest were nothing lasting for Kagome. But this Inuyasha was  
different. The way Kagome looked at Inuyasha was almost painfully familiar.

For she had looked at him the same for a very long time.

Now, to see her looking at someone else that, it hurt. By God it hurt. Never  
before had he'd felt such pain. It was all consuming and it took no  
prisoners. For the first time, Sesshoumaru Taisho was experiencing the  
phenomena of heartbreak and he found he hated it. He loathed it. But at the  
same time, he knew it was his fault. It was karma turning around and biting  
him in the ass for all the pain he'd dealt Kagome.

Karma truly hated him it seemed.

'If that's the case, I'll just stay out of her life. Simple as that.' It was   
a strange to think about such a thing. To think that he, Sesshoumaru Taisho,  
would actually put another person's needs and feelings on a higher pedestal  
than his own. But he suddenly realized that above anything else, he wanted  
to see Kagome happy. He wanted to see her smile and laugh genuinely. Even if  
it meant she did it because he wasn't around. Then, as if hit by lightening,   
a strong urge to simply leave and never look back overcame him. Not just  
leave the track. No, he'd completely leave the county.

'But then my dear father would put out a warrant for my arrest on some  
completely out-there charge.' It was true; his father would in fact have him  
tracked down just to spite him. Such was the relationship between he and his  
sire. Definitely no "male bonding" or "father and son" trips for them. No  
sir. No way in Hell.

"Let's give another round of applause to Kagome Higurashi!" A small roar  
erupted from the crowd at the tracks, the two first racers revving their  
engines loudly. With a sigh, he stood up fully and began to walk back  
towards the grandstands, knowing all too well that someone would be sent to   
track him down soon enough.

"Kagome!" Kagome barely enough time to turn halfway to her left before  
another body slammed into her own, the only reason for them not falling down   
being the fact that Inuyasha's arm was wrapped around her waist at the time.

"Sango! Are you trying to kill me!"

"No! I'm just so happy for you! You've finally ditched that Sesshoumaru  
asshole!" Kagome inhaled sharply, almost as if she was in pain, but quickly  
covered it up with a laugh and hoping no one noticed.

"Well, he had his moments but…"

"Oh come on Kagome! The guy was a complete dick and you know it!" Kagome  
blinked innocently, not knowing the topic of the conversation was walking  
behind them as they spoke, his heart sudden torn and bleeding inside like  
never before.

"Sango…do you honestly think I would've…cared if he was that bad?" Inuyasha,  
who'd bee silent the entire time, did not like where the conversation was  
headed. He didn't want to see the fragile girl he held to begin crying  
again. It was almost as if when she hurt, he did as well. He didn't know how  
to explain it any other way. All he knew was that her pain was unbearable  
for him. But his distress about Kagome must have been obvious because when  
he exchanged glances with Brianna, she was biting her lip.

"Well, you do seem to…"

"So Inuyasha! You don't have a car to race in, right?" Sango blinked at the  
loud intrusion, but gasped just as quickly.

"Oh that's right! Did you come up with anything Bri?" Brianna grinned before  
turning and letting out a loud whistle. For a few moments, all eyes remained  
locked incredulously on her. But then it came.

"Damn it Brianna! I'm not a damned dog you can…oh, hey guys!" Kagome nearly   
broke out in uncontrollable laughter. She knew exactly where Brianna was  
headed, and why.

For standing before them was one of the few African American males at their  
school. Joe had been around for ages, almost as far back as first grade from  
what Kagome could remember. He was extremely tall, athletically leaned out,  
and positively the funniest person any of them knew.

"Joe…we need a favor…" Brianna was giving him her biggest, sweetest smile  
she could muster.

"Bri…"

"Inuyasha needs to borrow your car." Joe' entire body seemed to jolt with   
shock as his eyes widened and his jaw dropped as he stared at Bri in  
disbelief. But what happened next made Kagome turn and bury her face into  
Inuyasha's hoodie again, only this time to muffle her uncontrollable  
laughter.

"WHY!" Inuyasha choked on his laughter as Kagome practically howled, though  
muffled. Brianna simply kept smiling, looking positively innocent as she   
stood there. Sango was actually holding onto the railings of the bleachers  
and burying her face in her arm, her shoulders quacking with silent  
laughter. For that one word, though normal from any other person's mouth,  
was warped when it came from Joe's. The entire way he said it was enough to  
make a small crowd dissolve into laughter and giggles.

"Because he made a deal with Kagome that he has to race, but he  
unfortunately forgot that he can't race in his truck." Joe turned to  
Inuyasha, he face expressing his complete disbelief. Then, he said something  
else that had Kagome and Sango nearly on the ground with Shippo, who'd   
fallen over at the "WHY!" and still hadn't gotten up.

"You stupid bloody tampon licking son of a bitch!" Inuyasha's jaw dropped in  
disgust, but everyone else, even Brianna dissolved into peels of howling  
laughter, causing nearly everyone who walked by to look on with curious yet  
extremely wary expressions. But their laughter increased with the help of  
Inuyasha as Joe made a disgusted face and leaned over to make a fake  
retching noise. "Nasty!"

"Joe! I can't friggin breathe!" It was true. Although, Kagome was convinced  
she had it the worst. For someone who hadn't laughed so hard in nearly a  
year, she was amazed she wasn't passed out from the lack of air.

"It ain't my fault this monkey fart forgot about his damn truck!"

"Keh! It was the brat's idea!" Shippo stopped laughing long enough to blow a  
raspberry. Then he was off again as he collapsed back into laughter.

"You made the deal!" Inuyasha looked down at Kagome, who was now holding  
onto him so she wouldn't fall over, and smiled. He hadn't seen her like this   
in a long, and he'd missed it. But as he turned to look back at Joe, who was  
now ranting to Brianna, he saw a face amongst the crowd that made him tense  
and his eyes narrow.

He'd been watching the whole scene since he'd returned. The small troop of   
friends were all holding onto to each other in uncontrollable laughter, the  
youngest was even on the ground flat on his back. Watching the whole  
situation, he knew that it was for the best that he remained out of Kagome's  
life. Her laughter, so bright and melodious, rang out above the others and  
he felt his insides twist a little bit more knowing that she was much  
happier without him.

But that didn't matter. As long as she was happy, he'd live. He'd handle the  
pain.

But he wasn't expecting Inuyasha to suddenly look over at him and glare. He  
knew there had been a pained expression upon his face, and he practically  
wiped it off when Inuyasha leveled him with the glare. Honestly, he hadn't   
even been doing anything except having his insides torture as he watched the  
one he wanted more than anything be happy with another.

No, nothing at all. Just dying inside.

'If the little ass doesn't stop glaring at me I'll…'

"Sesshoumaru!" Quite pleased with an excuse to look away from Inuyasha,  
Sesshoumaru turned and saw something, rather someone, he'd rather have not.

"Kagura, I thought you were under house arrest." Kagura let what he supposed  
was meant to be a seductive giggle, but to his ears it was a snort and he  
quite nearly stepped away when she took two steps closer to him.

"Daddy reconsidered. Now I'm free to do what I want."

"Or who you want? Am I right?" Kagura put on a fake pout.

"Come now Sesshoumaru, I've changed." At this, he snorted and turned back to  
watch Kagome and her friends once more, leaning against his Nova with his   
arms crossed.

"Once a whore always a whore." Kagura normally would have just brushed that  
one off too had it not been the fact that his eyes remained on something or  
someone other than her. But to matters worse, she knew exactly who he was  
watching with such interest.

"I don't know what you see in that girl. She still acts like she's in junior  
high! Not to mention she's as innocent as a small child and I know you don't  
like that." Again, he snorted and didn't look at her.

"You've never known what I want. What makes you think you know now that I   
want nothing to do with you?" She frowned heavily and flipped some of her  
long, curly brown hair over her shoulder.

"You don't want someone like her. She's needy, she's immature, and she's  
completely…"

"Maru! You're up!" Sesshoumaru inwardly did a childish victory dance inside  
his head as Miroku came running through the crowd, already sporting a red   
mark on his right cheek.

"I see you've already begun your…studies…"

"Yeah whatever Maru. But oh man, you're gonna love who your opponent is!"  
With his curiosity now fully awake and hungry, Sesshoumaru quirked an  
eyebrow as he lowered himself into the driver side seat.

"And who might that be Miroku?"

"It's that Inuyasha guy! But I heard he's borrowing Rovetti's car so…"

"Thanks for the information Miroku." The Nova's engine roared to life and   
Sesshoumaru smoothly backed out and drove out onto the asphalt of the track,  
seeing an older model Eclipse waiting for him. He had to admit Rovetti had  
put a lot work into the import car. But it would never stand up the American  
muscle in his Nova.

'I'll bury the little prick in dust.' Glancing in his rear view mirror, he  
could see Kagome standing with her friends. She was pale again and looked so  
anxious that he thought about putting the car in reverse and telling the  
girls around her to hold her up before she fainted. But he didn't, and  
instead he simply looked to the front and groaned. He hadn't realized that  
Kagura was wearing one of her more…undesirable outfits to date. With a pair  
of black shorts that were so small they left nothing for guess work, a   
bright green tube top, and a pair of the most ridiculous rattlesnake skin  
boots he'd seen to date, she looked like a mix between a white trash  
princess and a wannabe cowgirl.

Rather sad actually.

She raised her arms, her top nearly falling off her completely. Mind you,  
that would've been one hell of a magic trick due to the fact that Kagura had  
gained quite a ridiculous amount of weight. He revved the engine of his car,   
hearing Inuyasha do the same and he glanced over at his opponent. Inuyasha  
was looking towards the front with an unwavering gaze, his focus on the  
finish line completely. Sesshoumaru almost chuckled at him, but didn't.  
Instead, he too looked towards the front and rested his eyes on the finish  
line. Suddenly he could see Kagura lowering her arms as though in slow  
motion. All thoughts of anything but the race were shoved from his mind, his   
vision became a tunnel fixed on the end of the race, and he felt as though  
time had stopped when his above average reflexes kicked in and he floored it  
off the start line.

He didn't have to look in his rear view mirror to see that Inuyasha hadn't  
had the best start. But he suddenly realized that despite his bad start,   
Inuyasha was already almost neck and neck with him. Now this was a change of  
events. It was very rare for anyone to catch up with him if he beat him or  
her from the line, which he usually did.

'So, he wants to be that way huh? Fine.' Sesshoumaru smirked as he shifted  
none too gently and his engine roared even louder.

But this time he heard something different.

'What the hell…' A loud clanking noise could be heard within the car, making  
Sesshoumaru insides clench in another new way for the second time that day.

"Kagome look! Something's wrong with the Nova!" Kagome, who had been  
pointedly avoiding watching the race, suddenly looked towards and had to  
force herself to hold in a horrible cry. She could hear the odd clanking  
from her, see sparks beginning to appear beneath the Nova, and when she  
heard a pair of voices behind her talking in undertones, she felt as though   
time stopped.

"Heh, poor bastard won't know what hit him."

"Why do you say that Maten?" The first male laughed darkly.

" Because good ol' Gumo fucked with the Nova. Sesshoumaru disappeared  
earlier, and his little minion Miroku was nowhere around, leaving the car  
perfectly open."

Kagome didn't need to hear anymore, and she wouldn't have even if she wanted  
to. The sudden, ear-splitting sound, of screeching metal rang out over the  
grounds of the track as well as the screams and shouts of the spectators.

He could hear everything around him all too well. The metal, the screams,  
the shouts. He could hear it all in startling detail. He could feel his   
hands slip from the wheel, not seeing any point in trying to avoid the  
unavoidable. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see anything but the  
darkness he knew he'd probably be stuck in for awhile. But as he did that,  
one frighteningly familiar scream echoed louder than all the rest.

"Sesshoumaru!"

'Kagome…you'll forgive sometime…won't you?'

And then it was all gone. Sound, feeling, and light. All he knew was  
darkness. But before he completely slipped away, he knew a rueful smile had  
appeared on his lips.

Yes, Karma truly did despise him it seemed.

:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:A/N:8:8:8:8:8:8:8:

Muhahaha! Suspense is such a bitch, ain't it! Sry guys, but this chapter   
was basically pulled out of my ass….ewww….I will refrain from using that  
phrase anymore…yucky. But before you being to hound me with questions, I can  
already answer a few I know are gonna pop up.

1) Yes, this is and will remain a Sesshoumaru and Kagome pairing story. The  
will be some Inuyasha and Kagome of course. But it's needed for later on. (I  
think I finally know where this is headed)

2) For those of you who wondered whatever happened to the real-life  
relationship this story is based on…Yes, we're back together. But I don't  
intend to change the story to fit that. For now. Muhahahaha!

3) No, Sesshoumaru is not dead. But Kagome doesn't know that.   
Again….MUHAHAHAHA!

4) No, I don't think updates are gonna be any sooner even though it's  
summer. As it is, I'm staying with relatives and typing/updating on a  
borrowed laptop that I can only get access to the net on around…once a week.

5) And finally, no I don't know how long this story will be. At all. It  
could be anywhere from a few more chapters to ten or more chapters. I  
honestly have no idea. But it is nice to know that this story is so popular  
since it's based on a real-life relationship.

And as always, I'm willing to answer any other questions about this story  
(or others) when I have the time or chance. And please, PLEASE review! It  
makes me soooo happy when you do because it really shows that people  
actually read what I write. But yeah…I gotta go walk my uncle and aunt's   
little dog. (Possibly one of the most awesome dogs on the planet.)

Ja ne minna!

Blue


	5. Chapter 5

_Sometimes You Just Gotta Say "HUH?!"_

_Chapter Five_

"This has got to stop."

"You don't understand! His car was..."

"I'm not going to hear it! That boy gets you into enough trouble to last me a lifetime!"

"Why is it always about you?! Why can't you just..."

"Don't you dare talk back to me about this young lady! This discussion ends now! You're not to see that boy in any form from this day forward, and I'll know if you go against my orders!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot you have little Kagura working for you!"

"Kagura's a fine young lady! You'd do well to follow her example!"

"Her example?! She's a fucking whore!"

"That's enough! Go get in the car now! We're leaving!"

"No! I'm not leaving before he even wakes up!"

"Kagome Akoya Higurashi go get in the car now! End of discussion!" The entire hospital hallway seemed to be frozen all through the argument, nurses stopping in their duties to stop and watch with dropped jaws. Several doctors stood around the two females, asking them over and over to lower their voices within the emergency area so they wouldn't disturb any patients, family members, or anymore doctors. But neither female had lowered her voice or given any sign that she'd heard the requests or noticed the stares. A tension so thick that one young nurse swore she could've cut through it with a knife hung in the air with an electrical current of sorts.

Kagome now regretted ever calling her mother. When they'd arrived at the hospital, her first thought was to call Sesshoumaru's father. But that notion was immediately thrown out the window and instead, she grabbed Inuyasha's phone from his pocket and flipped open the smooth Motorola Razor before dialing her home number. She still didn't know what made her call, but she felt like the life had been sucked out of her through her stomach when her mother's voice came over the line. In fact, she felt as though she'd signed a contract that would hand over her soul.

Quite an ominous feeling to make a story short.

Inuyasha had watched her with a raised brow, not realizing just how much he resembled the young man in the room behind them. But Kagome had pushed that thought away as well, finally clearing her throat and telling her mother where she was. Her reaction was predictable; no shock, worry, or curtious concern. No, all her mother had said was that the boy had it coming and for a long while at that. Inuyasha, who had been studying a rather interesting crack in the floor by his right foot, suddenly felt a tingle across his skin as he looked up and saw a familiar spark in the young woman's eye. But, she'd simply taken a few deep breaths before telling her mother she'd be staying to await  
Sesshoumaru's awakening, only to find that her mother had already hung up on her.

Had the Razor been hers, Inuyasha was sure she would have hurled it all the way into the maternity ward.

"I'm terribly sorry to interupt, but you are Kagome Higurashi? Correct?"

"Yes, I'm her." She never broke eye contact with her mother, standing her ground without hesitation in her voice at all.

"Well...you see um...the young man is in recovery and due to awaken any minute. You may go in one at a time to see him until visiting hours are over."

"You never did tell me what he's being treated for."

"Oh yes! Sorry about that. Let's see here...ah! Yes, he's being treated for several nasty gashes to the abdomen and limbs. He has a slight concusion, nothing a few pain killers won't quell. We're keeping him for his head trauma cause although it's a small conusion, he took a rather hard hit. So it's simply for observation. Also, his right foot may be tender for awhile. I believe he may have pinched something. Also, there are two broken fingers in his left hand and a rather deep cut above his right eye that will have to be cleaned daily." Kagome never once looked at him, keeping her eyes solely burning at her mother's even when she winced at one of the injuries she knew Sesshoumaru would absolutely loath to deal with.

"Okay, take me to his room." Without nothing more than a heated glared to her mother, Kagome turned and followed the doctor who looked so timid that she felt bad for causing such chaos in a hospital.

Her mother simply wasn't agreeable in any way when it came to things in her daughter's life, namely Sesshoumaru. Even on the very first day Kagome had brought him to her house, her mother had disliked him. Loathed him, to be more accurate. He was different, he was strange, and he was "not best for her". Every time Sesshoumaru and she had fought, her mother had comforted her and spoke of how he was nasty boy with nowhere to go in life. It always made her gut clench, no matter how angry or upset she'd been with Sesshoumaru at the time. How could her mother not see, just like so many other people, what Sesshoumaru had inside of him? Despite what others thought, he was intelligent and very clever. He actually had plans for the future, which was still a shocking concept to her to thisday. He wanted to work with cars, in any way he could. Mostly though, he wanted to customize them and have his own garage.

'And once upon a time...I wanted to be there and help him run that garage...' She sighed heavily as the doctor opened a door to their right, giving her a small smile before saying he would be back in a little while after doing his rounds. Kagome nodded with a small smile, one she'd perfected like a mask over the years. Then, she turned and entered the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. It was dark, only a small ceiling light on the ceiling in the entryway lighting the entire two patient room. But she was somewhat relieved to see that Sesshoumaru had the room to himself and she walked over to his bedside, mentally trying to prepare herself.

But it didn't help.

She'd learned very early on that she couldn't stand to see him hurt in any way. In fact, in the first week they'd begun dating, he'd somehow landed himself in a fight that had resulted in a split lip on his part. Sure, the other boy had been in much worse condition but when she'd seen Sesshoumaru's lip, split and barely healing, she'd felt an odd twisting in her gut. Now, as she looked down at him sleeping in the hospital bed, she felt that odd twisting again, but this time much more intense.

Why did it seem so wrong, so utterly disgusting, to see him in a hospital bed?

'It's because he hates them. He hates hospitals.' She wanted to cry suddenly, without any real reason at all other than the emotions burning in her chest. The tears actually stung her eyes as she studied his peaceful face and it took all the strength she'd gained in the last few years to not fall to her knees and cry like a child.

'Oh Sesshoumaru...what happened between us to make everything so painful?' She sighed, memories choking her relentlessly. One memory suddenly stood out, and she felt herself smile as it came through as though it had happened yesterday.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Sesshoumaru?"

"Hmm?" They were laying on her bed, both tired after a long day dealing with school and separate family drama. Both of them were laying on their stomachs, so close that they could feel each other's warm breath on their faces. Their eyes were closed, and the stress seemed to have melted out of them as they'd lain there with one of his arms holding her close to him, keeping them both warm on the chilly October afternoon. She loved moments like these, when everything else disappeared and there was just them, even though she could hear Souta shouting at his video game in the living room easily since her door was left open due to her mother's orders.

"When we move in together, am I still allowed to be the stubborn little shit I am now?" She smiled softly, sitting up a bit as he chuckled and sat up as well before rolling onto his back, opening his eyes to reveal those stunning golden orbs she loved so dearly.

"That depends. Will you still insist on biting me and hitting me at random times? Cause I'd at least like a warning when we move in together." They talked about this particular subject often. It wasn't if they were going to move in together, it was when. They already knew how they would have their TV's, how their bedroom would be arranged and colored, and how often they'd throw the insane parties he liked so much.

"Love, you get plenty warning. You just fail to see it fast enough." She smiled at him with a soft giggle, leaning over him and placing her small hands on his muscular chest. They looked into each other's eyes, gold meeting her strange hazel, and for a single moment, they were at peace. Not just happy, but at peace. For both of them, those times were rare. Then, as she still looked into his eyes, Kagome smiled softly and lifted on of her hands up and ran it through his soft hair, starting at the roots of his hairline and stroking back towards his ear, letting her barely existant nails scrape the shell of his ear lightly. His eyes closed as she did this, his breath leaving him in a single sigh as his muscles seemed to completely relax under her touch.

She loved doing this to him, seeing him react almost like a puppy as she ran her hands through his light hair. She did it again, this time letting her nails scrape his scalp a little and she saw his eyelids flutter as he let out another long exhale. Then, she ran her hand along his cheek and down the line of his jaw, letting her fingers trail down his neck slowly, gently before lifting her hand and repeating the action. His skin was soft, warm, and welcome to her ever freezing hands. No matter how hard she tried, she could never warm them. But he could. He could warm her hands so easily, just by taking them in his as he wrapped his arms around her when she took a nap with him in her bed, or  
rather their bed as he loved to argue about.

It was times like this, as her fingers grazed through his unbelieveably soft hair and he leaned into her hand with a sigh that she felt complete. Like no matter how bad her family's issues got, no matter how much school stressed her, and no matter how much crap people gave her, he'd always be there to complete her and make her smile the way she did now. She knew, with all her heart, that she'd never smile like this for anyone else.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Kagome smiled softly, that smile she knew was reserved for him alone, the memories bittersweet to her senses. Long ago, she'd described to someone her relationship with a simple phrase.

_"My relationship with Sesshoumaru is like Strawberry Wine. Bittersweet and short lived." _

It was true. They never lasted longer than a month at the very most, the only exception being the four month period the year before. She had realized though, that they had never gone an entire year without being together. It was rather funny when she thought about it sometimes. But not right now.

Before she could stop herself, Kagome lifted her hand and ran it through his hair like she used to, feeling his smooth, warm skin under her fingertips. His hair was just as soft as she remembered, and tears prickled at her eyes when she truly realized how much she'd missed this. Even in his sleep, he sighed as her nails grazed the shell of his ear. She smiled sadly, knowing this would remain a secret to her alone. At least, it would have been had his eyes not suddenly fluttered open.

She was shocked, frozen, with her hand resting on his cheek, but she was still smiling as she watched him try to fully wake himself up and focus on her face. There was a fuzziness in his gaze that made her think they'd drugged him for the pain in his head, but he stared at her so intently that if she were anyone else, she wouldn't have been able to tell. When his voice came, it was cracked and breathless.

"Is this...a dream?" She wanted to cry. She honestly did. The tone in his voice, so sad and disbelieving was one she'd heard from him only once a long time ago when she'd been forced to leave him. He'd been so sad then, trying to tell her to do what made her happy even though he was so sad about losing her.

"No. It's not a dream Sesshoumaru." They remained like that for a few more moments, and then he blinked and the moment of memories and old feelings was broken and Kagome withdrew her hand with a slight frown at her behavior. Honestly, hadn't she learned by now? It was over between them.

"How long have I been here?" Kagome sat down in the chair next to his bed with a sigh, running her hand through her own hair, not realizing that he'd watched her hand pass through her onyx locks, longing to do the same with his much larger hand.

"Only a few hours, but they want to keep you overnight to observe your head trauma." Sesshoumaru snorted, his eyes finally leaving her face to stare into the corner of the dim room instead.

"Excuses. 'Overnight for observation' is a bunch of bullshit Kags." She giggled softly at him, glad to hear he was still humorous in his state. But something nagged her about his tone still, even though it had changed. It was barely there but she could hear it. It was almost as if he was sad, really sad, and trying to hide it.

'But Sesshoumaru has nothing to be sad about...he's never sad...'

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. But they're still keeping you."

"Well fuck, that means shitty food for me eh?" He chuckled as she tried to keep in her laughter, not wanting to be too loud in case it made his head hurt worse than it probably already was.

"Most likely. I'd smuggle you in some fetticini alfredo but you know me, I'm greedy when it comes to that stuff." He laughed, trying not to laugh to hard to prevent the sharp pains lancing through various parts of his body.

"Very true. You'd kill someone over your alfredo, same with clam chowder." Kagome sat up and put on a comical face depicting mock determination.

"Damn skippy I would! I'd even kill you!"

"Would not. You'd probably whine until I gave in, which I would, and gave you the food." Kagome grinned and did a small dance of sorts in her chair.

"Yeah, don't ya love me?" Kagome froze almost as soon as the automatic phrase escaped her lips, seeing Sesshoumaru suddenly stiffen and focus on her instead of the corner of the room. They stared at each other for what seemed to be an enternity, and Kagome wanted to cry all over again when his voice echoed in the room so quietly that she barely caught it.

"Yes, I do." Kagome bit her lip to keep in the sob.

He could make her cry so easily, whether in happiness or absolute pain. She didn't know why, and she didn't really want to know why. All she knew was that when he said or did certain things, it made her emotions and memories go nuts. She hated it. She hated that she was so weak that she could allow a single person so much power over her emotions.

If only she could do that to him.

Standing abruptly, Kagome knew she'd stayed too long. Her head was swimming with old memories and she knew she wouldn't sleep tonight unless she either took some of her mother's sleeping pills or simply drank herself to sleep, and neither of those sounding very appealing. Keeping her head down she backed away from him, seeing his confused expression on the edge of her vision as she barely kept the tears at bay.

"I have to go. I hope you feel better and..."

"Kagome..."

"No! Don't! Please...I can't stay any longer. I'll talk to you whenever okay?" The tears she'd held back were suddenly running down her cheeks, and she found she didn't care as she turned and practically ran from the room.

She never knew that Sesshoumaru saw the glistening tears in the dim light.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks passed before she saw anything of Sesshoumaru. Supposedly, as she discovered later on, after he'd finally returned home after a sleepless night in the hospital, his father had insisted on keeping him home as some kind of strange punishment. Kagome had frowned when she'd heard this little tidbit of information, knowing all too well that Sesshoumaru's father hadn't bothered to get his son's schoolwork from the school either, meaning Sesshoumaru would have to work through a pile of missed work that was up to his ears while still on his pain killers for another week.

For those two weeks though, she'd been miserable. The very next day after the accident, Inuyasha had called and said that he didn't think they would work out at the current time. When she'd asked why, with a strangely emotionless reaction to it all, he simply said that she hadn't had enough time to get over Sesshoumaru. That, and his parents were sending him off to a special academy for several months and he'd have virtually no way of keeping in touch with her. She'd agreed, and he'd told her seriously, in a voice she'd never heard from Inuyasha, that even though they were waiting on the whole "dating thing", he'd be there for her. She'd smiled, teasing him about the offer and getting a rather irratable and embarrased "keh!" on the other end before they exchanged goodbyes and she  
was once again left to her thoughts as she sat at her computer, her word processor completely blank as she stared it down, trying to force some sort of idea to come pouring out of her brain.

Frustrated and completely suffocated by memories, Kagome slept on the floor that night for a few measily hours, and not for the first time.

As soon as she'd sat down in her mother's car that day after seeing Sesshoumaru laid up in a hospital bed, memories came bursting out of the hidden places in her mind and old wounds were torn wide open so harshly that she had a hard time breathing all the way back to her house. She then proceeded to lock herself in her room, blinds shut and lights off. Angry with herself, she'd sat down at her computer that was barely visable under her "organized clutter" as she called it, and tried to write something. Anything. But nothing came. Not even after Inuyasha had called.

She spent another week like that, stuck in a writer's block from hell and sleeping on the floor instead of her bed, where the memories of the times they'd shared there would try to suffocate her in her sleep.

The week after that wasn't much better, and she'd nearly landed herself in three fights with Kagura. One was because of a nasty look shared between the girls during a class they shared, the second was because of a comment made about Kagome and her friends in the bathroom, and the third was a direct insult to her face about her relationship with Sesshoumaru. The first two times had been stopped by Sango, who's strength and height had held Kagome back from a fight that would no doubt end in a lot more trouble than suspension. But the third, on the Friday of the second week, had been stopped by someone Kagome had not suspected.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Sesshoumaru's hand had rested on her shoulder and held her in place.

At first, she'd thought it was someone else and had turned around to snarl an insult in their face. But upon seeing Sesshoumaru, glaring daggers at Kagura with the small cut above his eye still visible, Kagome felt her anger die. How he did that to her, she'd never know. Somehow, even though Sesshoumaru could make her more angry than any other person on the planet, he could also diffuse her ire with little to no effort almost ninety-nine percent of the time.

But after that day, he'd become just as distant as before.

"Kagome!" Kagome jumped in shock, not expecting to hear anything over the blaring headphones of her new Ipod Nano. Taking one of the buds out of her ear and turning, she saw Sango standing at the top of the hill in the front of their school, a bright grin on her face that was visible even where Kagome sat at the bottom of the large hill. She could hear several complaints about the "noise" around her, and she wanted to laugh.

Her friends were truly the loudest people in the school.

"Sango! What are you waiting for?! Get down here and help me finish off this pizza!" Sango squealed excitedly and began her semi-run down the hill, Bri suddenly appearing behind her and taking off her high heels before running down the hill as well. Sango reached her and instantly flopped onto the uncut grass, reaching for the mini pizza in Kagome's lap as it sat innocently on a plastic tray. Bri flopped down on her other side, also reaching for the pizza and Kagome giggled at the antics of her two closest friends.

"Bri! I thought you didn't like the school pizzas!" Bri shrugged.

"Well, I'm hungry and that pizza looks totally more yummy than the usual pizza!" It was true, it actually looked like a pizza instead of a giant lump of cheese, grease, and a tiny bit of sauce.

"Yeah! And there's chicken on it and you know I loves da chicken Kags!" Kagome let out a loud laugh as she put down her sketchbook and pencil and ripped the pizza in half with skill born of many fights over food where she ended up simply splitting the food in half and ending the argument the easy way. Giving a piece to each of the girls, she snorted as both instantly began to stuff themselves with such fervor it was more like they were inhaling the food than actually eating it.

"Jeeze you guys, kill yourselves before we graduate why don't you?" They all shared a laugh as Kagome wiped off her hands on her ripped up Levi's, making sure not to get any on the black fishnet stockings that peaked out through the holes in the pants. She heard the other two girls sigh contentedly as she placed her sketchbook onto her lap once more and focused on the sketch she'd started two days ago.

"Hey, that's a new one isn't it?" Kagome nodded, trying to decide if she liked the character on the paper better with long or short hair.

"Hmm...she seems like she'd have long hair. Probably purple in color." Kagome smiled, still amazed after all this time at how well her two friends knew her.

"Oh! And she should be wearing that purple and black outfit you designed a few weeks back!" Kagome blinked, trying to remember what she did with the design.

"The one with the semi-corset top?"

"Yeah! That one! Although, I think the inset underneath the ribbons should be purple flames instead of black lace."

"Nah, purple flames with black bordering or else you'd have too much purple in that one spot." Kagome smiled as she listened to the two girls talk about her drawings and designs.

This was how they spent their lunches, discussing various things and more than often going through Kagome's sketchbook. They were simple, and they liked it that way. No drama for them. Well, at least as much as they could stay away from. Especially in Kagome's case since drama seemed to follow her like flies followed a smelly pig. She actually giggled out loud at that analogy.

"Hey...isn't that Sesshoumaru?" Kagome felt herself jump at Sango's sudden outburst, looking back to her friend and then following her gaze over to the opposite end of the front lawn.

It was Sesshoumaru, and she felt a terrible hot weight sink low in her gut when she saw who he was with.

"Why the hell is he hanging around the same place Kagura is?"

"Well they do have some of the same friends Sango." Sango snorted, both girls obviously oblivious to Kagome's pale complextion and silence.

"I know that! But look! She's all over him and he's not lifting a hand to stop her! I thought he hated her guts! At least that's what he told Kagome and...Kagome!" Without warning, Kagome stood up and swung her bookbag over her shoulder with her sketchbook and pencil in hand. By the time Sango and Bri had rose, she was already halfway up the hill with her shoulders slumped in such a way that the other two girls paused and looked at each other with similar looks of concern for their friend.

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"Oi Sesshoumaru!" Sesshoumaru, thoroughly stoned and liking it, blinked and looked to his right as a familiar shout rang out across the lawn. Even though he was completely out of it, he easily recognized the two familiar forms of Kagome's closest friends as they practically stalked over to where he stood, his arm around someone even though he wasn't sure who it was.

He loved not having to care about things when he was screwed up.

"You rang?" Sango narrowed her eyes at him as she stopped a few feet away, placing her hands on her hips. Instantly, Sesshoumaru became wary. He knew Sango's wrath well, having found out the hard way just how fiercly defensive she was of Kagome, and it seemed that her wrath was once again directed at him.

"Yeah, I did. You might want to sober up a little and go find Kagome." He blinked again, not really making sense of what they were saying. What was the matter with Kagome? Was she missing? And damn it, who was he holding on to?!

"Why?" Sango snorted in disgust, Bri shaking her head behind her.

"If you'd look down and see who you've got your arm wrapped around, you'd know why." Sesshoumaru quirked an eyebrow, but looked down at the person under his arm nonetheless.

It's safe to say that Sesshoumaru had never sobered up quite that fast.

"Fuck!" Practically jumping away from the smirking face of Kagura that was far too close to his own face, Sesshoumaru almost tripped over someone's backpack before turning and walking up towards the school, keeping a wary eye out for the school's resident sheriff or any of the school's faculty.

'Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!!' Quite resolutely, Sesshoumaru told himself he would never pick up another joint again after today. He hated making a fool out of himself, and that's exactly what he'd just done.

Not only that, but if Sango was on his case then Kagome undoubtedly saw and was most likely upset. More than upset. For if there was one thing that set Kagome off in a rage or depression, it was seeing him with Kagura and he knew that all too well.

That's when he caught a glimpse of her, rushing around the corner of the main school building to the side of the school that was almost guaranteed to be empty during lunch. No one knew why, and it just was. He should've figured she'd go there, she always did when she wanted to get away. She used to go to the library until people realized that the school computers were faster than the ones at home and spent their lunches in there.

'I'll probably be able to sneak up on her too. She'll have those damned headphones on, I know it.' He picked up a little speed in his walk, ignoring the people who tried to get his attention as he walked through the most active part of the school. He finally turned the same corner as she had, and instantly spotted her sitting on one of the small metal tables set up there with her back to him. Her shoulders were slumped and if he looked hard enough, he could barely see them shaking.

'Shit...if she's crying, I'm screwed...' Taking a deep breath, and trying to make his foggy mind focus more, he began to walk towards her, still unsure if she actually had her headphones on. If she didn't, odds were that she'd turn around and see him only to turn and run from him, afraid to let him see her upset. She'd told him it was because she was ashamed of herself when she got upset because it was usually over something stupid.

But he knew the real reason why. She was scared. She never did like facing things head on, finding it too painful.

He studied her as he got nearer, frowning even through his drug-induced stupor when he realized she was too skinny, too frail looking, and she looked like she could barely hold herself up. He tried to remember if she'd looked like that when she'd visited him in the hospital, but the memories evaded him in his current state and he inwardly cursed. But even still, he was more than sure she'd lost weight in the last two weeks even though she had already been far too skinny before now.

He was only a few steps behind her now, and he winced visibly when he saw her shoulders shaking. She was crying quietly, and she had her headphones on. If he listened close enough, he could hear the all too familiar chorus of "their" song playing on the Ipod.

'Shit...this probably won't end well...' Slowly, cautiously, he reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. She stiffened and made a small sound that sound like she was trying to bite back a little cry or sob.

'Please...don't be him...anyone but him...' She turned around slowly, seeing the large hand on her shoulder with the achingly familiar ring placed on the pinky because that was the only finger it fit on. 'Damn it...'

"Kagome." She frowned, not looking up at his face as she caught a rather strong scent of his favorite drug coming from him. From what she could see of his posture, he was surely messed up and she didn't think she could deal with him in this state. She turned around to the front once more, adjusting her bag slightly before standing.

The only problem was that she barely made it halfway to her feet before that single hand on her shoulder forced her back onto the metal bench.

"No, you're not gonna get away this time Kags."

"You're messed up. I'd rather wait until you're sober if you don't mind." Her words had a bite to them he hadn't expected, but he didn't let his shock show on the outside. Instead, he got angry too.

"Who cares if I'm messed up? I've been even worse Kagome." She snorted at him, still refusing to look at him as he kept her in place with a lone hand.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Your favorite way of wasting time and life is by getting fucked up and not being able to remember anything." Her insult was clear and he growled as he moved so that he was standing in front of her, trying to make her look up at him. But she looked to the right, her eyes locked on a lone weed growing against the chain-linked fence.

"Insults will get us nowhere right now."

"That's only because you can't handle being insulted. You have too much pride and too much arrogance in you." He growled again and grabbed her chin, finally forcing her to look up even though her eyes continued to look away.

"Grow up Kagome. This isn't a game." At this, something in her eyes changed and she finally looked him in the eye with a glare. His breath caught in his throat when he saw just how red they were from crying with tears still waiting to fall and race down the moist trails of previous tears that he could see clearly. She was holding it in, and she couldn't deny it when he realized her bottom lip was trembling with the effort even in her anger. What had made her like this? It certainly couldn't be the simple slip up of him having his arm around Kagura.

There had to be something else.

"A game? You honestly think that I consider this a game? I'm sorry Sesshoumaru, but that's more or less how you see it. Not me." Her tone of voice was angry, but dead. He could see it then, the twinkle she'd always had in her eyes, that spark of fire that would ignite into an inferno with the proper emotional push. It was dying. Her fire, the fire that had drawn him to her from the start, was fading and he wanted to know why.

"What's happening to you Kagome?" She snorted and looked away from him, a lone tear escaping its prison and running down her left cheek.

"What does it matter to you Sesshoumaru? You have more important things to worry about. Like when are you going to get laid next or..." He growled in frustration suddenly making her stopp as he forced her to look at him as he kneeled down and put his face directly in front of hers, glaring so that she knew he was angry with her.

"Why are you so fucking stubborn? I'm trying to help you. What the hell is your problem?" She glared at him almost instantly and he felt a tad wary even though he put it off in his anger.

"What's my problem? If you really want to know..." Somehow, she ripped herself free from his grasp and managed to get about three feet away from him before he could react before turning and finishing her statement with a tone of barely vieled pain and anger, "...go look in a fucking mirror."

Then, she turned and was gone. The corner covered her from his view and the crowd swallowed her whole on the other side, and in his shock, Sesshoumaru didn't even move to make her come back.

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A/N:

Sry about the short and rushed chapter. (probably loads of typos and such)

This story...is now even harder to sit down and write than before. There was a small memory in this chap that was actually recent in my life. Yes people, I got back together with the "Sesshoumaru" guy and for nearly four months this time. But once again...things went sour and now I'm dealing with alot of crap I don't need nor want to deal with. Not only that, but I was inspired to change the story. Yes, change it. Meaning, Sometimes would go on hold while I completely rewrite it. But this time, the occurences in the story would be near ninety-nine percent true and in order this time. I've already started the first chapter of the rewrite, so if you're interested, let me know and I'll send you a small peak at the new look of Sometimes. But I haven't decided if I'll rewrite it. But yeah...review and let me know your thoughts! It'll make me happy for a little bit.

Ja ne!

+Blue+


	6. Chapter 6

Sometimes You Just Gotta Say "HUH?!"

Chapter Six

_I hate everything about you,_

_Why do I love you?_

_You hate everything about me,_

_Why do you love me?_

_I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace_

_A/N:_

_There are possible MAJOR issues with this chap! Just to warn you! My disc went wacko so I had to edit this chapter all to hell because when I opened the file, my story was mixed up. Seriously mixed up. So if you spot something really out of place, let me know and I'll look into it. I'd beVERY grateful! Now enjoy!!!_

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_"What's my problem? If you really want to know, go look in a mirror."_

Her voice stayed with him that day as he tried to work in class. It stayed with him when he tried to sleep that night as well, whispering pain and anger in his ears until dawn's light came in through the blinds of his bedroom. This wasn't the first time thoughts and memories of her had kept him awake, and if things continued as they were, it certainly wouldn't be the last. He spent the rest of the month like that, not sleeping or concentrating on anything. Eventually, he forced himself to sleep with the aid of sleeping pills and a few beers he stole from his father's fridge in the garage. After that, it became a habit.

At school, life was hell. Just catching a glimpse of her made him angry, frustrated, and sad all at the same time. How such a thing was possible, he'd never know. Sesshoumaru had always prided himself in the ability to never get too attatched to anyone or anything. To never care in any way, shape, or form.

Kagome blew that idea out of the water.

Without meaning to, and without knowing, Sesshoumaru had latched onto the girl with a strange despreration. He'd always questioned his pull towards her, more so in recent months. She was stubborn, easily angered, and completely impatient. She was untrusting too, paranoid to a fault, and such a weirdo that he considered his sanity when he'd first talked to her. But she was also so much more than that. She was kind hearted, she was giving, she was loyal, and she was beautiful, inside and out despite what she thought. She was a walking contradiction, always angry and sad at the same time. An angry soul reaching out with tears in her eyes.

Her reaching had grasped him and now he was firmly in her hold.

Frowning, Sesshoumaru sighed and sat up from laying on his bed. He wore only a pair of baggy jeans that barely remained hanging low on his hips, the silk of his black boxers in plain sight. His shirt had been flung across the room as soon as he'd walked in the door and his pale skin seemed to glow in the dim light of his computer monitor. Washboard abs clenched as he coughed, cursing the cold he'd somehow come down with a few days ago. His long hair was laying freely against his back in a river of liquid silver. He grumbled to himself and stood slowly, finding his behavior disgraceful for what seemed to be the millionth time in that past few weeks. Stretching lazily, he decided that he may as well eat something and walked over to the door. But as he walked past his desk, a familiar song made its way to his ears. Turning as Hoobastank's song The Reason blared out its chorus in his room, Sesshoumaru looked down at his illuminated cell phone with wide eyes, for there was only one person who would ever have that ringtone.

'Kagome...'

In the weeks following their arugment at school, neither of them had made an effort to contact the other. No calls, no messenger chats, and no notes left in each other's lockers. Sure, he still went onto the net and read her blog when she updated it but it wasn't the same as talking to her. Plus, her blog irritated him. She always made her entries cryptic, never using any names or anything too obvious. When he'd asked her why, she'd smiled in an odd way with a humorless laugh.

_"Not everyone agrees with freedom of speech Sesshoumaru. My mouth tends to get me in trouble."_

So now, after several weeks of only catching painful glances of her at school, Sesshoumaru couldn't make himself believe that she was calling him. Suddenly, he snapped out of his stupor and flipped the phone open with a frown on his face.

"Kagome?"

"Not quite." He knew that voice, and it certainly wasn't Kagomes. He wanted to growl but instead mouthed a silent curse.

"Well, if it isn't Sango." He heard he snort on the other end.

"Cut the pleasantries crap Sesshoumaru. You know why I'm calling." This time, Sesshoumaru snorted and leaned against the wooden desk. Of course he knew, Sango only spoke to him for one reason and one reason alone. It was the same reason she'd called him in the middle of the night and sometimes when he was out of the state.

"What's wrong with Kagome?"

"Other than I don't think she's eating and I know she's not sleeping?" Sesshoumaru sighed.

"Fuck."

"Yes, big fuck. Big fuck because you caused this big fuck."

"My Sango, you're rather angry this time. You've said 'fuck' almost four times in less than thirty seconds." He heared her growl and slam something onto what sounded like a metal surface.

"Will you cut the crap already asshole?! Shit, you're like a fucking kid."

"You're one to talk."

"That's not the point!" Looking behind her, Sango sighed upon seeing the silent form of Kagome leaning against the wall of the bedroom with her headphones in her ears full blast with The Reason echoing loudly from the corner. There were dark circles under the girl's eyes, an unhealthy paleness to her skin. Kagome had always been pale, but this was bordering on the sickly pale of a dead person. "I'm worried about Kagome. Whatever you said upset her. Bad."

"Why do you always automatically assume I did something wrong?" She could heard him snort on the other end, his annoyance with her plain as day.

"Because you're the only one who can make her behave like this and there's the fact that she's been listening to the same song for several weeks straight on full blast as much as she possibly can." Sango frowned when she thought she heard a sharp intake of breath.

"What song?"

"The Reason, what else? She hardly ever turns of her Ipod lately, even in class." Sesshoumaru felt something in his gut clench and he pushed off the desk before walking over to the other end of the room to retrieve his discarded shirt.

"Fine, so your assumptions are probably justified. But what the hell do you expect me to do about it?" Sango sighed in frustration and he was almost positive she'd just ran her hands through her long hair in her frustration.

"I don't know! Comfort her! Apologize! Bring her back to life for God's sake Sesshoumaru! You and I both know that you have the power over her to do that." Sesshoumaru snorted, eyeing his shirt critically before frowning and tossing it behind him and heading towards the dresser.

"She has a boyfriend to do that sort of thing for her."

"Holy crap, you're really behind on stuff aren't ya? Kagome and Inuyasha have been done for ages. He's off at some private school or something now." Sesshoumaru tried to ignore the sudden warmth in his chest as she said that, but found it rather difficult as he fished around in his unorganized drawer for a new shirt to wear.

"Well excuse me, I don't exactly pay attention to that sort of thing."

"When it comes to Kagome you do."

"Kagome's life is hers. I don't give a flying fuck about..."

"Bullshit. I'm not stupid and I'm not blind Sesshoumaru. But your indesiveness towards her is killing her. I know you care about her, but I have to wonder what the hell is going on in that head of yours, if anything at all." Sesshoumaru frowned, knowing just how intuitive Sango was and just how hard it would be to get out of this. So, he sighed in defeat and decided that denying anything would get him nowhere.

"She deserves better and..." Suddenly, he paused when he heard a loud cough echoe in the background followed by a rasping gasp for air. Sango cursed.

"Hold that thought!" He heard the phone get placed on a wooden surface and his eyes widened at what he heard next. "Kagome! Kagome what's wrong?"

"Sango? Is she alright?" He heard another voice on the line and realized that Bri must have been there as well.

The coughing in the background continue, the gasping and wheezing breaths becoming more and more harsh. Sango's cursing was overpowered by the intensity of the coughs and he heard several things getting knocked over before the sound of a zipper being pulled was heard.

"Damn it! Where is it?! Kagome! Point to the pocket where your inhaler is!" The coughing and gasping didn't stop and Sesshoumaru felt the familiar burn of worry sizzle in his gut as the gasping breaths seemed quieter as though they were becoming weaker. Another zipper was opened and Sango let out a relieved yelp before the coughing suddenly calmed and a long gasping breath was heard. The gasping breath came again, and he heard someone sigh in relief close to the phone.

"Can you breathe now Kags?"

"Yeah...I'm fine...really...just a little cold..." Sesshoumaru frowned at the tone in her cracking voice. She was obviously weak, that much he could tell from her voice alone. She was obviously lying, her response too practiced.

"You're sure? Do you want to call you mom?"

"No!"

"Kagome..."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have blown up like that. I'm gonna go outside and get some fresh air." He heard her leaving the room, her footsteps enhanced by what sounded like papers of all kinds laying on the floor.

"Sesshoumaru?" He blinked, not having heard Sango pick the phone back up.

"Is she alright?" He hear her sigh.

"I'm not sure. That's the third time that's happened in two days. Even when she's breathing normally, she looks like she's in pain."

"Do you have any idea what's wrong with her?" But somehow, Sesshoumaru already knew. His theory became even more solid when there was a heavy pause on the other end before a long, tired sigh from Sango was heard.

"I have an idea, but it's just that. She's been wearing really loose shirts and sweatshirts this whole week. She doesn't let anyone hug her either, and you know Kagome; she loves getting held."

"And?" Again, she hesitated.

"I think...I think Kagome got into one of those fights with her mom again. I think she's really bruised something this time. But there's more to my theory now." He could heard her moving through the room and he heard what sounded like something being searched through. "I think Kagome's taken up smoking."

"What?" Sesshoumaru forced his voice to stay low, not wanting to deal with his father at the moment. If there was one thing Kagome refused to do, it was smoke. Having watched her grandfather die in his house, under the influence of morphine as lung cancer that had spread through his body ate at him, she'd been practically traumatized. If he even thought about smoking around her, she'd leave. She hated smoking with a passion, and she'd tried in a discrete way to make him quit for the longest time, not wanting to change him but not wanting to watch someone she loved die, again.

"The other day at lunch, she went to pull her phone out of her pocket and ended up pulling out a knife and a lighter as well." As soon as the word "knife" left Sango's mouth, Sesshoumaru felt a hot weight sink low in his abdomen.

"Sango...when was the last time you saw Kagome without a long-sleeved shirt or lots of bracelets?" The other girl hesitated and he heard something being crinkled in her hand that sound suspiciously like an empty pack of cigarettes.

"The day after you chased her down at school, why?" Sesshoumaru frowned, realizing that Kagome still hadn't told her friends about her secret. For if she had, Sango would have caught on immediately.

"Sango, I know you don't like me. I know you wish I'd just stay away from Kagome. But I need you to promise me something. If you see anything remotely sharp in Kagome's backpack, take it away from her. I mean it." A memory, barely a year old, flashed into his mind's eye and Sesshoumaru fought back the urge to wince.

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'Damn it, of all days for it to be fucking freezing.' Sesshoumaru sighed dejectedly and shifted the skateboard under his arm as he walked up the hill, a cigarette held lightly between his lips. His hair, which at that time reached his shoulder blades, was tucked into his large black hoodie to keep it out of his face and his hood was up to keep his ears from getting cold.

He was in a good mood today, the frosty December air only being a slight annoyance. For a little over two weeks he'd found himself in a sinking depression, contemplating suicide and experiencing blackouts he hadn't had for nearly three months. He blamed only one thing, one person.

Kagome.

He frowned at that sudden turn in his thoughts. It had barely been a week since he'd broken up with her, and he was sure that she'd most likely try to rip his head off or collapse into tears upon seeing him. She'd blame him, and it would make him angry. He wasn't the one to blame this time, it was all her. It wasn't his fault that she'd threatened him. It wasn't his fault that he didn't feel the same for her anymore.

'It's not my fucking fault damn it! Why does it feel like it is?!' But Sesshoumaru felt something clench in his gut as the sound of shuffling feet was heard uphill from him. Having been watching the ground pass him by to keep the wind out of his eyes, Sesshoumaru looked up and saw a familiar form making its way down the hill.

He frowned as he studied her. She wore ripped up Levi's that certainly didn't block out the cold air despite the black fishnets beneath the jeans. The hoodie she wore was much smaller than she liked them, and looked almost too small for her. But that didn't make sense. Why wasn't she wearing the hoodie he'd given her? That hoodie was warmer than most of his now and it reached her knees. Not to mention it was a B.C. Rich Guitars hoodie, so she'd taken to it immediately. So then why wasn't she wearing it now in the cold weather? Christmas had just passed for crying out loud!

She wasn't walking normally either. There had always been a strange, but cute, bounce in her step. But now, her feet simply dragged across the ground as though she was too weak to lift them. Her shoulders were slumped and she looked like the weight of her bookbag was going to send her to the ground. Had he not known her so well, in appearance and manneurisms, he would have thought her to be someone else. But it was Kagome, despite the appearance and lack of common sense.

'Since when does Kagome have common sense?' He laughed inwardly at that, smirking on the outside as he stopped and took a drag off his cigarette before shouting up the hill at her.

"Kagome!" She jumped, and jumped so severly that Sesshoumaru blinked in mild shock. Kagome had always been jumpy, but not that jumpy. She glanced around with wide eyes before landing on him, her expression changing so suddenly from shock to a look so sad it made his gut clenched. But the pain was covered quickly and she smiled and let out a giggle.

'Does she think I'm stupid? It's not hard to see she's forcing it.'

"Jeeze Fluffy, you're gonna give me a heart attack doing that!" He wanted to frown at this, but kept on smirking. Kagome's nickname for him had died out over the past four months while they were together, only popping up when she was irritated with him or life in general. So why now?

"Hey, it isn't my fault you're jumpy!" Kagome made a face as she walked up to him until she was a foot away and stopped, crossing her arms in an effort to stay warm while the wind was blowing.

"Well, that isn't my fault. I haven't been able to sleep lately." The last part was barely a mumble, but he heard it nonetheless.

"Why haven't you been sleeping?" She shrugged and he noticed she winced as she did so.

"No particular reason. Besides, it's not like it really matters anyways. So what's been up with you?" She tried to sound conversational, but he knew all too well that she was changing the subject. She was trying to hide something from him.

'Why do I even care? Our lives are seperate now, and we both have our own problems. She's just a friend now.'

"Nothing really. I was really depressed last night and a few nights before that, but I called up my ex-girlfriend and she cheered me up. So while I'm having a good day, I figured I'd at least get some skating done." He noticed her barely contained wince when he mentioned calling his ex. Her shoulders, if possible, slumped more as well, and he saw a familiar brightness in her eyes.

'Oh crap...she's gonna cry.' But, Kagome shocked him once again and put on a playful frown.

"Hey now, you know you can still call me right? You may not believe it but I actually do know about some of the shit you're going through." She sounded like she wanted to say something more, but she held it in and left him wondering.

They talked for nearly a half hour about various things, staying completely off the subject of "them". She was getting colder and colder, trying to keep warm by rubbing her hands over her arms even though she was shivering viciously. But suddenly, while he was explaining a rather funny story of one of the parties he'd been to recently, he saw her jump with a hiss of pain.

"What? What is it?" Kagome lifted her left arm away from her bag and he noticed the edge of a binder sticking out of it.

"Nothing. I just...brushed my wrist against the binder." He heard it in her tone, saw it in her eyes, and saw her right hand go for the sleeve of her left arm.

'No...tell me she didn't...'

"I don't know about you, but I finally scared this time. Not too bad though." He watched as her sleeve was dragged up as if in slow motion. Upon her pale wrists were numerous small cuts, several that he remembered seeing the day before he left her. But there were numerous new ones and they were far more harmful looking than the smaller ones that had barely left visible scars.

'Why in the hell would she do that? After she told me she hated herself for doing it once?'

"Yeah...I scared pretty bad this time." But then again, he was being a hypocrite and he proved it by pulling up his left sleeve, showing her the long, dark scars that were beginning to set on his arms permanantely. She winced when she saw them and he remember when he'd shown her after he'd first done it, how she'd ran her fingers across the cuts with a look on her face that made him so guilty he wanted to apologize to her in any way possible and take away the tears forming in her eyes.

He suddenly felt that feeling again and it shook him to the core.

"Man...it's freezing and I was supposed to be at my grandma's already!" He almost jumped at her suddenly bright tone and he realized that she'd rolled her sleeve back down and was slowly making her way past him to walk down the hill.

"Yeah, you better go warm up before you freeze." She smiled at him and it looked like she piled all effort possible into such a small thing. She walked down the hill without another word and he walked up the hill, saying his goodbyes as he did so. But suddenly a thought occured to him and he turned and called to her again, effectively making her jump and turn around.

"Kagome! Be good to yourself! Alright?!" She looked puzzled, shocked, and again, sad before she gave him a semi-comical look and snorted.

"What's that supposed to mean Fluffy?!" Trying to scramble for a way out of telling her what had really come into his mind, Sesshoumaru yelled out his reply.

"I mean, I don't want or need a phone call at midnight saying you're dead!" She frowned and he could almost see glittering tears in her bright blue eyes.

"You'd just laugh if that happened!" She tried to sound joking but failed miserably.

"No! I'd crack open a beer and toast you in my sadness!"

"Bullshit! You'd laugh!" Again, her joking failed.

"Okay, so I'd laugh at the funeral! But that's not the point! I still don't want that phone call Kagome!"

"Fine Fluffy! I'll behave! Just let me go so I can get warm!" She waved at him before turning and sauntering down the hill.

He frowned before walking back up the hill, not at all sure if she'd actually keep the blade away from her skin. Only time would tell.

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"Sesshoumaru? What's going on?" Sesshoumaru frowned, realizing he'd zoned out.

"Just promise me you'll take it away from her and hide it somewhere. Same thing when you go to her house and see something sharp in her bedroom. Hide it and make damn sure she can't find it." Without any warning, Sesshoumaru simply flipped his phone shut. Sure, Sango would probably be having a cow and planning his bloody death now, but he found he didn't care and went back over to his dressed as he stuffed his phone into his pocket. After digging out his black System of a Down t-shirt, he left his room to grab another soda from the fridge, carefully avoiding the living room and taking the long way to the kitchen in an effort to ignore his father's presence.

Unfortunately for Sesshoumaru, his father had been waiting for him to come out of his room for some time.

"Boy, you'll be eighteen in November right?" Sesshoumaru sighed as he pulled the soda from the fridge and cracked it open.

"Yes."

"I want you out of here before then." Sesshoumaru took a sip of his soda, frowning at his father's words.

"That's not legal and you know it." He pointedly avoided looking at his father where he sat in his recliner.

"It is with the permission of the legal guardian. I want you out of here in a month and in an appartment. I don't plan on taking in-state jobs anymore and I don't trust you enough to stay in this house while I'm gone without destroying it." Sesshoumaru wanted to roll his eyes, he really did, at the last part of the statement. But at the same time, he felt a surge of strange joy at the fact that he'd no longer be living under his father's roof.

"Fine. I'll handle everything on my own, just make sure you sign the papers for the apartment so it's legal." He walked back into his bedroom and glanced around as he shut the door.

His room was small and cramped, with almost every inch of it taken up by various things. His drumset, desk, and bed took up the most space, the dresser being the closet. He really didn't have much, and had never had any real reason to have much. So, the move would be easy. The only problem was how he was supposed to get the needed furniture and other things for the apartment when he was currently unemployed and almost out of cash.

"_Yeah, my dad always has stuff from work laying around here. The guys he works with are always breaking furniture so my dad takes it home, fixes it, and sells it to bring in some extra money."_

Kagome's voice rang out in his mind, an old snipet of conversation making him frown. Kagome's father had left the family the year before, taking no responsibility for his children or anything else as he moved in with his new girlfriend, leaving everything but a few shirts behind. Including all the furniture he'd brought home. He was sure he could strike up a deal with Kagome's mother if it meant she'd be getting money since the woman was incredibly greedy. But the problem lay in Kagome herself. After the phone call from Sango, Sesshoumaru wasn't quite sure it was a good idea for him to go near Kagome right now.

But he shook his head and decided to wait to deal with such things until later before walking over to his desk where there were already boxes at one end from switching desks yet again after he'd broken the old one.

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"Kagome?" Kagome turned and looked behind her to see Bri giving her a concerned look, and she felt the guilt burn low in her gut once more. There was so much she was hiding lately, and no matter how much she may have wanted to tell them, Kagome was far too afraid of her friend's reactions to say anything.

"I'm fine. Really. I just caught a cold a few days ago and you know me when I get sick." Luckily, Bri was easily fooled. Sure, she was the smartest of her friends but Kagome found that Bri tended to only notice emotional things when they smacked her in the face. Sometimes not even then.

"Okay, if you say so. But you really scared Sango and I in there. It's a good thing you had your inhaler." Kagome shrugged, not really sure what to say to that. After all, a little asthma attack was nothing to be worried about compared to what she did after dark behind locked doors. As if on impulse, Kagome's fingers clenched around one of the two knives she carried, this one being the smaller of the two that she carried in her pocket.

"Did you know Sango was using your cell?" Kagome blinked and looked at Bri, seeing a curious look on her face.

"No. Was she?"

"Yeah. She had been for a few minutes before you had that attack, but I was in the computer room so I couldn't make out anything really well. I have no clue who she was talking to." Kagome shrugged, taking in a deep breath of the outdoors.

Sango lived out of the town they went to school in, on a little ranch where they sometimes raised a couple cattle per year and sometimes chickens. Her property was much larger than either hers or Bri's and her dogs roamed free, all being from various breeds such as a female bloodhound, a male terrier, and a mixed puppy who resembled a walking ball of fur. The property was surrounded by nature, and Kagome loved how nice it was to just sit outside and breathe in the pure air of the area.

"Knowing Sango, it's her latest lover." Bri frowned.

"No, she sounded angry with them. Like, more than typical angry. It sounded like she wanted to seriously kill this guy." The girls shared a giggle at this. Sango may have been fierce but neither of them thought that she could ever actually take a life.

"Kagome! Did you want something to drink?!" Both girls turned and saw Sango standing on the front deck, with Kagome's phone nowhere in sight.

"Actually, a strawberry soda sounds really good right now!" Sango frowned at her for a split second, making Kagome falter. But in the end, she smiled and nodded before turning and walking back into the farmhouse and leaving the door open for them. Bri turned and smiled at Kagome before walking towards the house, leaving her alone.

'Come on Kagome. You may be hiding a lot from them but they're still your friends. Have some fun while you still can eh?' Kagome smiled softly, sadly, and nodded in agreement with her thoughts before walking towards the house after Bri.

The rest of the day was spent on Sango's comfy couch bundled up in fuzzy blankets with fluffy pillows. Ice cream was set aside for a late night snack in exchange for pizza, mozzerella cheese sticks, and Doritos. The three bundles on the couch only left said couch in times of need, such as soda refills and bathroom breaks. But otherwise, they spent the day watching various "chick flicks" and eating the glorious junk food no longer allowed at their school. The girls laughed, they cried, and they made crude comments at the right time.

But even though the atmosphere was the best she'd been in for a long time, Kagome felt like she didn't belong there. She laughed and did as the others did, but mostly she observed and felt disconnected. What had happened to her to make her feel this way? To make her feel unwanted, unneeded around her best friends when they had specially planned this weekend to make her feel better? What happened to the Kagome who would have already pulled three pranks out of the hat and set them loose on the household?

Sesshoumaru.

Yes, the blame couldn't be entirely placed on him due to the fact that her mother was also a good, large chunk of the puzzle as well. But Sesshoumaru had triggered a change in her the very first day she met him. Over the course of nearly four years, she had changed so much that now, sprawled on the floor after a wrestling match with her best friends, Kagome frowned as she gasped for breath when she realized that the "two Kagome's" would scoff at each other. The old Kagome would dislike the current Kagome's clothes, music, make-up, and just about everything about her. The current Kagome would be the same, but she'd also be different.

The new Kagome would mock the old. For the old Kagome was naive to the world, and saw love through pink tinted sunglasses.

'Now is not the time to be drowning in your thoughts Kagome. This weekend was planned for you and you're not screwing it up!' Kagome nodded to herself and grabbed Bri's hand as she offered to help the other girl off the blue carpeted floor.

"Kagome! There's no more strawberry sodas!" Kagome blinked and instantly let out a whine so much like a dog's that the bloodhound looked up from her bed in the corner of the living room.

"No way! That can't be!"

"Uh huh! So pick another soda!" Kagome jumped up with her trademark "Meow!" and gave Sango a thumbs up.

"Gimme a Dr. Pepper!"

'That's right, go on living. Don't wreck things for everyone else around you just because you're weak without one person.'

Throughout the weekend, Kagome would spend a good amount of energy focusing on making it as perfect as possible. She kept repeating her thoughts, telling herself not to wreck things for others just because she was weak. By the time she got home, all she wanted to do was sleep. Not only had all the forcing of happiness been exhausting, but the fact that the three girls never went to sleep earlier than two in the morning was also a good factor as to why she simply flopped onto her bed when Sango dropped her off, not bothering to check the messages on her cell or to ask her mother if anyone had called.

'Well...I guess movie weekends aren't so bad. They make me sleep.' Kagome wanted to actually giggle at that, but she didn't and instead fell into a peaceful, deep sleep that nothing would be waking her up from anytime soon.

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Gah...another short chapter. But I was getting highly frustrated with this one and decided to finish it. Besides, I was finding myself blabbing a tad in this one.

Alright, now before you people get on my ass about some of the stuff in this chapter I want you to understand this...THIS IS A FAN FICTION BASED ON MY REAL LIFE! I'VE ALREADY SAID THAT MOST OF THIS STORY IS NOT TRUE!!! So therefore, when you read this and see the parts about cutting and smoking and all that jazz, don't flip out on me. I really, really don't need it since I'm considering pulling the plug on writing as it is. Not just this story, but writing in general. I won't stay away from it forever considering how huge it is in my life, but long enough to sort out everything in my brain. But I haven't quite decided if it's worth it to stay or to stop. Cause I love knowing that people are reading what I write and sometimes liking it. It gives me a rather nice boost to my rather blah existence.

But yes...anywho...sorry it's so long between updates on all my stories . Writer's block comes and goes lately and at the most inappropriate moments. Like the other day, I got slammed by insperation in the middle of my lab for Biology and by the time I got home an hour later, I couldn't write again. My muse is a tease . BIG tease.

-Blue

P.S.

Review. Please. It makes my day.


	7. PREVIEW FOR POSSIBLE REWRITE!

AN:

I've been thinking about rewriting this story...so heres a preview of what it may be like now. There will most likely be snippets all throughout from Kagome's diary and such. But seriously, let me know what your opinion is. Should I keep going with how it is? Or start over? Feedback is GREATLY appreciated.

_Well...it seems my life has come full circle, eh? I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I would ever keep a diary again. I never saw the point, it was simply writing down things that bothered me. All of my entries were the same mindless chatter, the same boring subjects. To read back through them made me realize my own stupidity in most instances. So why then, after nearly eight years, have I decided to once again keep a diary of sorts? _

_My heart needs a place to empty its pain and woes._

_Oh my diary, although I no longer write in ink, instead choosing to use the keys of my computer to save my already shaky hands, I pour my soul into you with every character. I feel heavy, burdened with all these thoughts and memories that make me so sad and yet so undescribably happy at the same time. I'm a walking contradiction, eh? Oh no don't get me wrong, being a walking contradiction is fine enough. Most people are. The fact of the matter is that I'm a stupid contradiction. A fool. But you're probably very lost aren't you my diary? You have no idea what I'm talking about do you? The last time I made an entry in any diary was long before I had my computer, long before I knew just how harsh reality was, and long before I laid eyes on Him. Yes, this woe and pain and burden in my heart is because of a boy. Well, now a man. It's amazing to think, it's been six years since the day I saw him walking up that street, a complete stranger and, as far as I'd been able to tell, weirdo._

_If only I'd known what he'd come to mean to me later on, I would've never even spoke to him. For when the first words were exchanged between us, my heart was doomed._

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"Kags! Kags take off your headphones already!" Kagome Higurashi sighed dejectedly, pushing the pause button on her CD player before sitting up in the bus seat, adjusting her baggy grey hoodie to better cover the revealing shirt she'd for some reason worn that day. Honestly, what had she'd been thinking? It was freezing outside! On top of that, there was that weirdo that showed up at the bus stop too! Kagome frowned at that thought, glancing past her friend to see said "weirdo" gazing at her with a bored expression, looking so out of it that she had to bet he was on something.

'Probably something illegal knowing people in this county.'

"Kags! Jeeze, how many times do I have to tell you not to turn on your music so loud?! You'll blow out your eardrums before you even get into Jazz Choir!" Kagome stuck out her tongue childishly, pointedly ignoring the boy sharing the seat with her friend. Her friend, a short spit-fire with the darkest skin she'd seen in their area, was truly a weirdo in her own right. Her outfits were always so colorful, rarely matching, and she had to have been the wildest child of them all. Aika Jefferson, one of Kagome's closest friends since the ending of her seventh grade year.

"Will not! Besides, it wasn't anything too heavy this morning. Just some Enya and Eminem to get me loosened up before I have to deal with that hag they call a mathmatics teacher." Aika rolled her eyes with a snort as Kagome adjusted herself so that her bookbag was behind her in the seat and she sat with her legs in the isle, pale skin covered by olive colored cargo pants that hung loose about her skinny legs.

"Tell me about it. She sent me out the other day for sneezing!" Kagome smiled, not noticing how the boy behind Aika shifted and sat up a little higher as she did so.

"Aika, the world and I agree that your sneeze is something worthy of being sent out for when you don't cover it up." Aika frowned at her and stuck out her tongue as well as she crossed her arms and sinking back into the seat, giving Kagome a better view of the "new kid".

He really was a strange one. His silver, almost white, hair was chopped short and spiked and she wanted to frown at much it seemed to not suit him. He had a strong jaw, and he looked a tad younger than the age he'd given to Aika during her excited questioning upon his arrival at the bus stop. He wore clothes that looked extremely out of place in their area, clothes befitting of a "gangster". Sure, there were the boys at school that tried to look like the rappers on TV, but this guy had it down to an art and it made her question where exactly he'd come from.

'Personally, the guy seems like a rocker at heart but meh, people still think I'm a 'pop princess' so whatever.' Suddenly she noticed something that really caught her attention and she knew her eyes widened.

His eyes were captivating. She'd never seen anything like them, that much she was sure of. His eyes, half-lidded and looking as though they'd droop shut at any moment, were gold. They were so gold, so bright, that she thought they resembled a dying sunset. Even beneath his thick, black eyelashes, she could see them practically glowing. But when his eyes opened as far as they had all day so far and they locked gazes, Kagome frowned at herself and pointedly looked away from him and at Aika, who was still grumbling as she slouched and pouted in her seat. But Kagome could still feel his eyes, those strange, captivating golden eyes, burning paths across her skin.

She didn't like it at all, and therefore didn't like him as well.

"Well, before you so rudely insulted me, I was trying to introduce you to someone." Kagome giggled at Aika's dejected tone, finding it sounding just like a child who hadn't had her way. Which, in some ways, she guessed Aika still was a child. Again, she didn't notice the still unnamed boy behind Aika straighten himself up.

"Aika, you know I don't play well with others. But alright, if you want to, introduce me to your new friend!" She threw up her arms, making her antics all the more dramatic as Aika finally gave in and giggled at the older girl's goofy nature.

"Well okay! If you insist!" Aika bounced up so that she was sitting on the edge of the seat, her more than plentiful chest bouncing enough to catch the eye of one of the older boys on the bus. Aika may have been small in stature, but she made up for it in her actual figure. "Kagome, let me introduce you to my new friend, Sesshoumaru!"

Kagome blinked in shock, startled at the strange name. Who on Earth would name their kid "The Killing Perfection"?

"Sesshoumaru, meet the coolest chick at our school..."

"Am not!"

"Kagome! Oh, and don't worry! She doesn't bite...often." Kagome snorted, rolling her eyes as she turned and sat in her seat the correct way again, slouching back and resting her knees against the back of the seat in front of her as Aika giggled madly behind her.

"It's not funny Aika! Quit making me out to be something I'm not!" Aika laughed more, noticing vaguely that Sesshoumaru as now fully sitting up and leaning against the back of the seat in front of him, his arms crossed on the top while he rested his head on top of his arms.

"I'm not doing that! You're the bomb Kags!" Kagome snorted and reached for the ripped and barely together notebook under her CD player.

"Yeah right, and my dad isn't a bastard." Aika rolled her eyes.

"Well, you're dad has an icicle termanally lodged up his sorry ass. But I don't see how that..."

"Maybe...you're friend Kagome just has self-esteem issues." Aika jumped slightly upon hearing a deep voice next to her, though slurred slightly from the drugs in his system. Kagome, unknown to Aika, stiffened where she sat, the deep voice of the new comer sending odd chills across her pale skin.

'Get a grip Kagome. His voice was just unexpected that's all. Yeah, he's not supposed to have a voice that deep and...'

"I can see why too. She's not exactly the greatest looking of the litter is she?"

'...and I'm going to fucking rip his guts from his abdomen and feed them to him!' But as she turned around in her seat with her notebook falling off onto the seat, a feral growl burning in her throat, Kagome felt her ire recede to mere irritation when she saw him smirking smugly as he held himself up on the seat.

He was baiting her!

'That smug, arrogant, son of a...'

"Kagome! Turn around in your seat already! You know what I'm like when I haven't had my coffee!" Kagome made a noise something akin to a small yelp as she jumped and turned around in her seat, seeing the bus driver glaring at her in her rear-view mirror.

"Sorry Barbra! I was just getting aquainted with the new guy!"

"Well while that's nice and all Kagome, you're distracting me!" Kagome laughed nervously and waved at the bus driver in embarrassment as most of the kids on the bus turned and looked at her.

Oh how she hated it when that many people looked at her! It was like being the main exhibit at a zoo or something! She hated it when one person stared at her, let alone many. She never really knew why, but she did. It made her feel even more self-concious than she already was on her own. Yeah, maybe the jerk was right; maybe she did have self-esteem issues. But despite that, it was rather rude of him to point it out to her like that.

With a huff, Kagome sunk back down into her seat, hearing Aika giggling and conversing with the new guy, now known as Sesshoumaru. She snorted as she heard him speak, finding his presence alone aggravating even as she yanked on her headphones and cranked her CD player before opening her notebook and continuing her writing. As the sounds of Enya's "Exile" soothed her nerves once more, Kagome felt a strange sense of foreboding but shook it off thinking it was only because she had once again failed to finish her Math homework.

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_I was a fool. A little fool, my diary. That sense of foreboding had seemed so innocent, so typical. I had no idea that something, someone was trying to warn me. I realize now, years after that day, that I should've headed that warning as I felt that boy's eyes burning paths across what of me was visible from his vantage point. _

_Sesshoumaru, how odd I'd thought that name to be. Honestly, what parent in their right mind would name their child something so...morbid? I know now that the name holds some significance, though I know his parents could not have possibly predicted such a thing in their child's personality. Oh, and what a twisted personality! I knew that from the beginning. I knew he was twisted, I knew he was different, and I knew that to get anywhere near him would be like a child sticking her hand into the fire with wide, innocent eyes and a giggle dying on her lips as the burning of the flames first touched her skin._

_Huh, it seems I'm rather poetic tonight. Don't you think so diary?_

_Lovely, now I'm asking an inanimate object questions. I've lost my mind over the years, slowly and surely, but it's gone. I blame him most of all. Sesshoumaru, that boy who staggered into my life smelling of drugs and overbearing cologne. From the very beginning, he liked to make me angry. I later found out he found it amusing, and even later still, I found he thought I was pretty when I was angry. Meh, what a laugh. _

_::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::_

The afternoon bus ride was as it always had been; noisy, crowded, and overwhelming. It was times like this, trapped in a confined space with so many people who knew nothing about her, that Kagome fought the urge to simply curl in upon herself in a little ball to try and hide. But she'd never done that, and she certainly wouldn't do it now considering who was currently sitting next to her.

"Oi Sesshoumaru!"

"What?!" Kagome nearly jumped when his loud voice echoed over the rest of the kids from beside her as he and another boy exchanged insults as was reutine between the two of them in the afternoons. Rolling her eyes, she let her fingers wander to the volume control on her CD player as she focused on the blurry landscape flying past them as they travelled down the bumpy, in-desperate-need-of-repair-road. Honestly, why couldn't the idiot just move? There were seats open for once, and there had been when he'd got on the bus in the first place. But no, just to irritate her once again, Sesshoumaru had decided to sit next to her.

'Great. Just a lovely ending to a _lovely _day.' Already that day, she'd woken up late and pulled on mismatched shoes, gotten kicked out of Math for falling asleep, and narrowly escaped a fight with a girl she'd tried her hardest to ignore for most of the year even though they shared several classes together. Now, he just had to make her irritated even more. Great. Beautiful.

"Hey."

'Fuck.' Kagome blinked, not reacting any other way as she pointedly stared out the window despite the glare that was making her eyes sting.

"Hello?"

'Just go away already.'

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" Kagome finally snorted, not bothering to move at all when she replied.

"Just because you're talking to me doesn't mean I'll listen." She thought she heard him chuckled lightly, but the noise of the bus swallowed it before she could try to interpret it. It was then that she realized her music was no longer playing and she growled as she looked down at the silver CD player in her lap, seeing that it was entirely turned off even though she hadn't pushed a single button.

'Great, of all times for the batteries in this piece of shit to die...'

"And why not? I won't bite, you know." Kagome growled as she ripped the headphones from her ears and stuffed the CD player in her bag, still refusing to look at him even though he was leaning towards her in the small seat.

"For one, you're annoying. Two, I've had a bad day and I don't feel like dealing with any shit from you. Got it? Now save your breath and quit talking to me." He chuckled and this time she heard it because he'd somehow gotten closer to her.

It had been two weeks since Sesshoumaru had come walking up the hill to the bus stop, and he was still just as irritating now as he'd been that day, if not more. He still smelt of drugs and heavy cologne whenever she was around him, like now. His hair was already longer, which had shocked her slightly when she'd first realized it, and strangely enough, she found the thought of him with longer hair...nice.

But he was still irritating, and he was still a pain in the ass.

"Hmph. Seems you're quite the little spit-fire. What's your name again?" She bit back a growl. Every time he talked to her, he asked her that.

"My name is irrelevant."

"Oh? And why is that?" At this, she smirked just a tiny bit.

"Because I don't give my name to those who aren't deserving." He seemed slightly irritated with her at the comment, how she knew this she didn't exactly know. It was strange, but she'd never really talked to him face to face. Instead, she always pointedly focused on something else. She guessed she'd done it so much that now, after two weeks of it, she could tell somehow when he was irritated or merely baiting her.

"Oi Aika!"

"What?!" Kagome jumped at the loud shout this time, seeing her friend a few seats in front of them as she did so.

"What's your little friend's name again?" Kagome took only a split second to get angry about being called "little" before she was making gagging motions at Aika, trying with all she was worth to prevent her from disclosing the name. But unfortunately for Kagome, it seemed Aika had been hanging out with her "stoner" friends that day because she could barely focus on Sesshoumaru, let alone notice Kagome frantically trying to get her attention at his side.

"You mean Kagome?! Yeah, Kagome! Kagome's the shit!" Aika let out a cheer before turning back to the girls she'd previously been chatting with. Kagome growled at the back of her dark haired head, wishing she could make her friend's frizzy locks erupt into fire with just her mind.

"So Kagome, where were we?" Kagome snorted and sat back against the seat in a slouch again, still ignoring him as best as she could.

"Well, you were being you're annoying self and I was ignoring you."

"Ah right! We were there!" Kagome rolled her eyes at him, still liking how close he was to her. Honestly, he'd smell really, _really _good if his cologne wasn't trying to cover the smell of the drugs in his pocket and failing. "Well then, what's made your day so shitty?"

"You for one."

"Me? Why, too busy day dreaming about me to get any work done?" She snorted as he leaned back and scooted nearer to her, watching her face as intently as someone under the influence could.

"Hardly. Has anyone ever told you you're really insufferable?" Sesshoumaru smirked.

"Yes, and annoying as you've said several times already."

"Well then do me and everyone else a favor and stop being annoying by shutting the hell up." Sesshoumaru chuckled.

"Why the hostility Kagome? I'm just trying to be friends." Kagome snorted and decided not to say what had come to her mind as soon as he'd finished that statement.

'Yeah, just trying to get into my pants is what he meant to say.'

"I don't want to be friends. I have enough thanks."

"I doubt that. I see you walking around by yourself. You're a little loner, aren't you?" She turned to him finally, her eyes locking his his before she practically yelled at him.

"I'm not a loner! I'm just..." Her momentary ire seemed to die though and she sank back into her spot, not bothering to finish her statement.

"Just what?" Now he seemed genuinly interested, which surprised her enough to make her want to answer him.

"I'm just sick of people. That's all." He leaned closer to her then and she fought the urge to squirm.

"And why is that?" Kagome frowned, not at all liking his tone.

"Because people are stupid. All they do is fight, spread rumors, and worry about shit that no one needs to worry about. It's all so pointless."

"Pointless? Are you saying life is pointless?" Kagome shook her head slightly.

"No. Society is pointless. Having a large group of people you call your friends is pointless because more often than not, those who you call your friends are actually spreading rumors behind your back and stealing your boyfriend."

"So basically...you got screwed over and now you're a loner." She growled, her sudden calm in his presence gone. How thick headed could someone be?! Honestly!

"I'm not a loner! Now will you just leave me alone!" She turned to him as she spoke, and she felt trapped when she finished. Sesshoumaru was smirking at her, his golden eyes alight with mirth and something else she didn't want to think about, and was barely a breath away from her face. But suddenly, he simply let out a soft laugh that was little more than an exhale and turned around before starting a conversation with the red headed boy across from them.

Kagome was pissed.

She wanted to scream and throw things at the back of his silver head. But instead, trying to be more mature than she felt, Kagome let out a long sigh and sank back into the bus seat, her eyes glaring out the window once again as they drove past the lake, the water's surface looking like a perfectly cleaned mirror on the chilly March afternoon.

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_Diary...I wanted to kill him. Every time we spoke, I wanted to murder him just so he'd leave me alone and stop making me feel like a child when he baited me into those arguments. I've always had a temper, something my mother's tried to "cure" me of for years. But every year it grows, more dangerous and, dare I say it, feral. Although, on a good note, my temper can only be triggered by certain people and certain things now. But...Sesshoumaru triggered my temper as soon as he opened his mouth._

_It went on like that for awhile. He'd always make it his goal to sit next to me on the bus before anyone else did. But even if someone else sat with me, he'd bait them into moving or simply threaten them. For while Sesshoumaru wasn't the largest guy muscle wise, he had plenty of it. Alot of the girls on the bus used to whisper and giggle about how he was solid muscle._

_It used to make me gag._

_But then came the day when I did the wrong thing. I never, ever should have done this. For if I hadn't, I would have saved myself alot of grief my diary._

_::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::_

"Hey Kagome?" She didn't move, but continued staring out the window as she grunted her reply.

"Hmm?"

"Do you have an e-mail?" Kagome blinked and looked over at Sesshoumaru, who was once again staring at her with those golden eyes. The only difference, which she now suddenly noticed, was that they weren't fuzzy from the influence of drugs in his system. He was sober, and dressed in clothes more suiting to him rather than the usual "gangster" clothes he wore. His hair was also much longer, and it suited him more and more each day. It was odd, but it was almost as if he knew what she thought of his appearance. But that was impossible unless...

'Aika...' As if on cue, Aika's resounding cackle of a laugh was let loose on the bus and Sesshoumaru quirked an eyebrow before looking forward to where Aika was.

"Well, it seems like she's having fun." He looked back at her and Kagome felt something flutter in her stomach. Eyes that were so beautiful even when hazy and half-lidded, were absolutely stunning when clear. His gaze was something she'd never really seen before. It was unyielding, fierce, and it made her feel like he was gazing right into the deepest, darkest parts of her soul.

"Yeah...I guess." She shifted so she was maybe half an inch more away from him and looked out the window once more. But she fought the urge to groan when he simply scooted as close to her as possible in the tiny bus seat.

She didn't smell drugs on him today, only his cologne and the natural scent that was all him. She nearly growled when she felt the urge to close her eyes and take in the scent. Honestly, she barely knew the guy! What was she thinking?!

"You never answered my question by the way." He sounded intelligent now that he was sober, and she found she rather liked hearing him sound intelligent. With his voice and the intelligence he was beginning to show now that he was sober, he could do alot of things later on in life.

"Who said I was going to?" Sesshoumaru made a face, but she didn't look at him to see it. But again, she could somehow tell he was irritated with her.

"Are you always this stubborn? Or am I just special?" Kagome rolled her eyes.

"If you haven't realized my stubborness before now then you're just plain slow. And there's no way I'd say you're just special cause it'd just make that ego of yours even more inflated." Again, he made a face and he became more irritated.

"Jeeze, who's got your panties in a knot? All I've been trying to do is get to know you a little better and you keep biting my head off." Kagome felt a twinge of guilt at his tone, but shook it off. A guy like him was not to be trusted in any way. But something nagged her and she sighed as she sank lower in the seat.

"Yes, I have an e-mail." Sesshoumaru seemed truly shocked that she actually gave him a straight answer.

"See? That wasn't so hard. Now is too much to ask that I have that e-mail?" Kagome shrugged.

"Depends on what I'm getting myself into." She glanced at him to see him quirking an eyebrow and smirking in a way that sent a little tingle down her spine.

"Just give me the e-mail and I'll give you mine." Kagome pushed down the nagging voice in her mind as she reached into her bookbag and removed a red permanant marker and an old homework assignment. As she wrote over the penciled mathwork, she glanced over to see Sesshoumaru pulling a pen out of his pocket as one of the other boys on the bus gave him a ripped piece of lined paper. They exchanged the e-mails and Kagome heard him chuckle as she looked at him to find him giving her a smile.

"Kagome, I don't think you're just a 'lil devil'. More like a royal pain in the ass." Usually she would have snapped back a comeback at that one, but something possessed her in that moment and she smiled, making his eyes widen. She rarely smiled more than a small smirk when she wasn't laughing and he'd never, ever seen anything like it turn his way.

It was stunning.

"Well, right back at you Sesshoumaru." They both shared a small laugh and for the rest of the bus ride, the world ceased to exist. They chatted like two normal people, exchanging likes and dislikes when it came to music at first before gradually telling different stories about their seperate friends. Even when they'd gotten off the bus, they sat and talked at the bus stop for some time before Kagome realized just how late it was getting.

So, with lighthearted goodbyes, they went their opposite directions. Neither of them knew what lay before them.

_::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::_

_Diary, for a week we talked online late into the night. My mother and father would yell at me, but I didn't care. I felt like I was under a spell. I did and said things I normally never would. Sesshoumaru was sober for that week, and I found that the more he spoke, the more I became addicted to the way he talked. I became addicted to our play fights we began having on the bus. I'd start it ninety percent of the time, flick his leg repeatedly until he got so annoyed that he would retaliate with tickling me since Aika had let my worst weakness slip from her lips. I became addicted to the verbal spars we had, in person or on the net. I became addicted to the smell of him, and was usually overjoyed to find it on my clothing after I'd gotten off the bus._

_But on the Friday of that week, I was thrown into a whirlwind for the next four years and all because he asked me a single question._

_::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::_

Kagome blew a lone strand of hair away from her eyes, it having escaped from her messy bun as she sat in her tiny desk chair, curled up in an awkward posistion with the keyboard on her knees. She wore her typical pajamas, a satin cami and a pair of baggy sweatpants. Her headphones were plugged into the back of her computer and she tapped her fingers in time with the Avril Lavigne song she was listening to.

_"I'm tugging at my hair, I'm pulling at my clothes. I'm trying to keep my cool. I know it shows. I'm staring at my feet, my cheeks are turning red. I'm searching for the words inside my head."_

Her messenger of choice was displayed on the screen, a background of black and blue on the conversation window that she'd custom made just for his conversation window. Glancing at the clock with a sigh, she smiled when it read midnight. Kagome had always had a habit of becoming nocturnal during the summer, but she'd never, ever stayed up later than ten on a school night before.

'Meh, I blame Sesshoumaru.' As soon as his name range out in her thoughts, Kagome heard the typical ringing sound that signalled a recieved message and focused on the screen once more. What she saw made her eyes get as big as ping pong balls and her mouth open agape with a silent gasp.

_"If I could say what I wanna say, I'd say I wanna blow you away. Be with you every night. Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could say what I wanna see, I wanna see you go down on one knee. Marry me today. But I guess I'm wishing my life away, with these things I'll never say."_

STaisho14152 says: Kagome...I've been wanting to ask you for awhile now...but will you go out with me?

She froze. She never, ever expected him to ask her that. There hadn't even been any real warning signs. Or, there had been and she just hadn't seen them. Now that she thought about it, she'd seen Aika and him talking alot lately away from everyone else. They were either whispering or talking seriously, and there were times when it looked like Aika was threatening him.

'Aika you little fart nugget!!! You sold me out!!!' Kagome frowned even though her eyes were still wide. Aika had probably been working at this for awhile knowing her. The messenger went off again and she blinked in shock at the sudden sound.

STaisho14152 says: I know we barely know each other and all...but can you at least give me a chance?

'Wow...' Kagome blinked repeatedly with wide eyes and then remembered something suddenly and wrote back to him.

lildevil31366 says: Are...are you serious? Cause you do realize today is April Fool's Day right?

STaisho14152 says: lol I'm serious Kagome. Now answer me before you pass out on your keyboard again.

_"It don't do me any good, it's just a waste of time. What use is it to you, what's on my mind? If ain't coming out, we're not going anywhere. So why can't I just tell you that I care?"_

"What do I do?" She whispered to herself before gnawing on her bottom lip, nervous tendencies suddenly coming to the surface as she stared at the simple question on the messenger.

_"Cause I'm feeling nervous, trying to be so perfect. Cause I know you're worth it. You're worth it, yeah."_

lildevil31363 says: I'm not sure...I've never had a real relationship before.

'Psh, totally. I've only had assholes who just want a piece of ass.'

STaisho14152 says: What the hell? How is that possible?

lildevil31363 says: What's that supposed to mean?

STaisho14152 says: How come a girl like you has never had a serious relationship?

Kagome felt her heart thud in her chest with a vengeance. A girl like her? Was that good? Why was she so bad at these sort of things?!

_"If I could say what I wanna say, I'd say I wanna blow you away. Be with you every night. Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could say what I wanna see, I wanna see you go down on one knee. Marry me today. But I guess I'm wishing my life away, with these things I'll never say."_

Suddenly, she smiled and bit her bottom lip before reaching up and typing.

lildevil31363 says: You do realize that if you hurt me, you have an army of girls waiting to beat your ass.

STaisho14152 says: ...is that a yes?

Again, she smiled with a small laugh.

lildevil31363 says: Yes Fluffy, that's a yes.

_::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::_

_From there, the next four years became a total whirlwind for me. I think back on it now, and it's a contradiction. On one hand, I wouldn't give up those four years for anything. But on the other hand..._

_I wish they'd never happened._


End file.
